The (British) Office- a place for fans to come together and quote all day

My proudest moment here wasn’t when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No. It was a young Greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went "Mr. Brent, will you be the Godfather to my child?"

Didn't happen in the end. We had to let him go, he was rubbish. He was rubbish!

To be honest, I think you're mad to let me and you on the this thread! We're like Morecambe and Wise when we get together.

Not Morecambe and Wise, because there's no straight man, there's no dead wood.

So, I'm more sort of character based, and you're more of a gag man.

There are limits to our comedy. There are things that we'll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there's nothing funny about them. Or deformity. It's like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go "Ooh, look at him, he's not able-bodied. I am, I'm prejudiced". Yeah, well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he's not - it's difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.

I'm just saying there should be tests.

If Head Office try and come here and interfere, they've got me to contend with, okay? You can go and fiddle with Neil's people, but I'm the head of this family.

You're not going to fiddle with my children. I am, if anyone does

I like to think of myself as bit of a Finchy.

Chris Finch. bloody good sales rep.

So you get there, she's aged 19, Ferrari chassis, fantastic set of shelves and legs up to her arse. Muchos tequilas later you're in a cab with her?

Are you coming on to me?

Because... I can read women. You've got to know their wants and their needs. And that can be anything from making sure she's got enough money to buy groceries each week to making sure she's gratified sexually after intercourse.

I don't kiss and tell but I will say this....

Why buy a book.. when you can join the library?

Is this why you're around all the time? Keeping tabs on me? I don't need a babysitter, you know, so...

Come out for a drink. Lunchtime. I'll show you who's more of a laugh.

Condoms come in all different flavours nowadays. There's strawberry and curry and that. Do you like curry?

Byronic you don't even have email. Who's printed this out for Byronic?

We have access to the internet. But it isn't censored, is that a good or a bad thing?

All I know is you can type in sex fetish on Google. There. two thousand, two hundred and thirty matches. Just click on one, at random. Arghhh- 'Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs'.

....Now, you don't punish anyone, Dutch or otherwise, for having big boobs.