How to move on...
So basically, I have just been friend zoned by my friend who I have had a sort of on and off thing with for a while. If I am perfectly honest, I am a bit upset since I thought we had this great connection and get on really well. I have to admit, some of the problems we have faced is due to mental health issues I have had to deal with recently and I felt some lack of understanding from home.g. Crying in the bathroom at work the other night and he just walks back out laughing and joking with other friends and doesn't even ask if I am okay :/...
We used to get on really well tbh and had a lot of fun together but I think now it's too sour... Like I said, I do feel hurt from him since we have had sex and then doesn't even to tell me I make him feel awkward, or uncomfortable or shy until recently we had an argument... :/ like I wish he told me sooner...
Some of the things he has said to me as well has really hurt me too. He's been a bit harsh or so I feel as to say "he's not interested in trying anything with me" or "we are gonna have to set boundaries and laws or "I don't wanna loose you as a friend and if we was anything more, then our friendship would be gone." I get the impression that he won't take a risk because 1. It's too soon from his previous relationship and 2. Like he said, we wouldn't be friends anymore. He then said "I don't want to take a risk though, I'm not interested, you think you can change my mind but you can't."
I don't know what to do ATM, half of me does still want to be his friend but the more and more I think about it, I ain't even sure anymore... I think it would stop me moving on and yes, I know I have hurt him in the past but I can't help but feel hurt by his insensitivity and some comments he has made...
This is a guy who said doesn't want anything but rolls over and spoons me in the morning!!!
I want to talk about this face to face with him because I'm sick to death of talking about it over text or messages... But I get the impression he doesn't want to, while I rather just get it over and done with, get closure and move on. I have a lot to deal with anyway and I feel mentally drained. I know I need to look after myself but I really do care about him..
I suppose my question is how do I move on..? Half of me wants to move on without him tbh but the thought does upset me since we got on so well.
We used to get on really well tbh and had a lot of fun together but I think now it's too sour... Like I said, I do feel hurt from him since we have had sex and then doesn't even to tell me I make him feel awkward, or uncomfortable or shy until recently we had an argument... :/ like I wish he told me sooner...
Some of the things he has said to me as well has really hurt me too. He's been a bit harsh or so I feel as to say "he's not interested in trying anything with me" or "we are gonna have to set boundaries and laws or "I don't wanna loose you as a friend and if we was anything more, then our friendship would be gone." I get the impression that he won't take a risk because 1. It's too soon from his previous relationship and 2. Like he said, we wouldn't be friends anymore. He then said "I don't want to take a risk though, I'm not interested, you think you can change my mind but you can't."
I don't know what to do ATM, half of me does still want to be his friend but the more and more I think about it, I ain't even sure anymore... I think it would stop me moving on and yes, I know I have hurt him in the past but I can't help but feel hurt by his insensitivity and some comments he has made...
This is a guy who said doesn't want anything but rolls over and spoons me in the morning!!!
I want to talk about this face to face with him because I'm sick to death of talking about it over text or messages... But I get the impression he doesn't want to, while I rather just get it over and done with, get closure and move on. I have a lot to deal with anyway and I feel mentally drained. I know I need to look after myself but I really do care about him..
I suppose my question is how do I move on..? Half of me wants to move on without him tbh but the thought does upset me since we got on so well.
It sounds quite unfair that he seems to be giving you mixed signals but he's probably pretty confused as well, I think you need to sit down and talk with him about what kind of relationship you want to have whether that be friendship, acquaintances, relationship etc. And once you have decide stick to it, act like friends, or a couple but not both. Also, if he's still confusing you, it might be a good idea to keep some distance between you for a while as it sounds like you have become quite involved in his life to the point where you're finding it difficult to see what you really want
First of all, he doesn't seem like a good friend in the first place. If I had a friend like that, I'd cut them loose (and I have had before, and god damn it is hard, I know.). You're thinking now more than ever to not be his friend - there is a reason for that.
It's not fair on you especially with all the mental problems to be treating you in such a confusing manor.
I find forgiving yourself and that person can help. It's hard to explain, but you aren't condoning his behaviour or letting him off the hook, but it can give peace to you. Sometimes, you can't get closure either, it might not be an option at the moment, but he doesn't seem to care enough to discuss these problems.
Everyone gets something from a relationship, be it romantic, an acquaintance, as selfish as it sounds, but you aren't getting anything from this, no support or anything.
As said above, keep your distance and work on feeling better with yourself. Spending time away may help you decide what you really want, but IMO, you don't deserve this sort of crap if it's bringing you down.
It's not fair on you especially with all the mental problems to be treating you in such a confusing manor.
I find forgiving yourself and that person can help. It's hard to explain, but you aren't condoning his behaviour or letting him off the hook, but it can give peace to you. Sometimes, you can't get closure either, it might not be an option at the moment, but he doesn't seem to care enough to discuss these problems.
Everyone gets something from a relationship, be it romantic, an acquaintance, as selfish as it sounds, but you aren't getting anything from this, no support or anything.
As said above, keep your distance and work on feeling better with yourself. Spending time away may help you decide what you really want, but IMO, you don't deserve this sort of crap if it's bringing you down.
Original post by Blondie987
It sounds quite unfair that he seems to be giving you mixed signals but he's probably pretty confused as well, I think you need to sit down and talk with him about what kind of relationship you want to have whether that be friendship, acquaintances, relationship etc. And once you have decide stick to it, act like friends, or a couple but not both. Also, if he's still confusing you, it might be a good idea to keep some distance between you for a while as it sounds like you have become quite involved in his life to the point where you're finding it difficult to see what you really want
He's saying to me he just wants to be my friend but I do think we have moved past that point. Because of my issues, I am insecure and he has picked up on this and feels like I test him with situations to see if he will stick around since I am so used to people leaving in the past, which is true to an extent.
I have asked him to meet up and speak about it face to face but he seems to be avoiding that and only has really spoke to me about it via social media and text messages. I feel like ATM, a new start is what I need tbh and to be closer to my family. I am not in a great state emotionally and little things just set me off... I keep letting everyone down around me. I have no confidence and no self esteem and currently on the waiting list to start therapy... :/
Original post by Anonymous
He's saying to me he just wants to be my friend but I do think we have moved past that point. Because of my issues, I am insecure and he has picked up on this and feels like I test him with situations to see if he will stick around since I am so used to people leaving in the past, which is true to an extent.
I have asked him to meet up and speak about it face to face but he seems to be avoiding that and only has really spoke to me about it via social media and text messages. I feel like ATM, a new start is what I need tbh and to be closer to my family. I am not in a great state emotionally and little things just set me off... I keep letting everyone down around me. I have no confidence and no self esteem and currently on the waiting list to start therapy... :/
I have asked him to meet up and speak about it face to face but he seems to be avoiding that and only has really spoke to me about it via social media and text messages. I feel like ATM, a new start is what I need tbh and to be closer to my family. I am not in a great state emotionally and little things just set me off... I keep letting everyone down around me. I have no confidence and no self esteem and currently on the waiting list to start therapy... :/
It sounds like you would be a lot better off sticking to friends, especially if he's leading you on, the faux relationship isn't going to make anyone happy and will probably just exacerbate your situation
24/7 hunt for new cock/fanny even if it means being late for work or skipping shower time, cleaning teeth etc...Scattergun fanny strategy rather than eggs all in one basket.
Original post by LadyEcliptic
First of all, he doesn't seem like a good friend in the first place. If I had a friend like that, I'd cut them loose (and I have had before, and god damn it is hard, I know.). You're thinking now more than ever to not be his friend - there is a reason for that.
It's not fair on you especially with all the mental problems to be treating you in such a confusing manor.
I find forgiving yourself and that person can help. It's hard to explain, but you aren't condoning his behaviour or letting him off the hook, but it can give peace to you. Sometimes, you can't get closure either, it might not be an option at the moment, but he doesn't seem to care enough to discuss these problems.
Everyone gets something from a relationship, be it romantic, an acquaintance, as selfish as it sounds, but you aren't getting anything from this, no support or anything.
As said above, keep your distance and work on feeling better with yourself. Spending time away may help you decide what you really want, but IMO, you don't deserve this sort of crap if it's bringing you down.
It's not fair on you especially with all the mental problems to be treating you in such a confusing manor.
I find forgiving yourself and that person can help. It's hard to explain, but you aren't condoning his behaviour or letting him off the hook, but it can give peace to you. Sometimes, you can't get closure either, it might not be an option at the moment, but he doesn't seem to care enough to discuss these problems.
Everyone gets something from a relationship, be it romantic, an acquaintance, as selfish as it sounds, but you aren't getting anything from this, no support or anything.
As said above, keep your distance and work on feeling better with yourself. Spending time away may help you decide what you really want, but IMO, you don't deserve this sort of crap if it's bringing you down.
I think for me it was the personal fact I was really upset, sitting on the toilet crying my eyes out and he doesn't even ask if I am okay. He just assumed o wanted to be on my own.. I ALWAYS ask if he's okay. It made me feel like he doesn't care and he has even said as well that sometimes he cares and sometimes he doesn't and he would only really care more if we was in a relationship :/... There has been times before in the past where I have been in some states and he seemed all really concerned but I get he doesn't really care anymore...
Like I said, I have hurt him before, I have betrayed him by getting too drunk and discussing it with everyone we work with that we slept together... Obviously, I know it's wrong but I don't think he will forgive me for that but things that's occurred since, I suppose I am hurt by.. Like we have slept together since then, he's looked into my eyes and we have spoke and hugged... And spooned... I have tried so much to make it up to him... By taking him to an IMAX, seeing his mate he hardly sees and other things... But he seems distance with me when we work together. I noticed that and with the death of my mother today, I confronted him about it two nights ago... And then the fact he just left me alone to cry, I do feel hurt by that...
He has now said that he doesn't want to loose me as a friend but if I am honest, I think we are gonna loose each other anyway... We act like a couple and didn't even realise it.. Or never spoke about it... I grown attached to him but he doesn't seem that bothered about me.. And that does hurt me and I am unsure on what I shall do.. I feel half of me should be closer to my family and start fresh.. And then half of me feels like I should keep trying. It's hard for me because it's hard for me to make friends or close friendships and I really liked this guy because he reminded me so much of myself, quirky and different in a good way and we have a lot in common.. I suppose I feel I will never find anyone like that again ;(
Original post by Anonymous
I think for me it was the personal fact I was really upset, sitting on the toilet crying my eyes out and he doesn't even ask if I am okay. He just assumed o wanted to be on my own.. I ALWAYS ask if he's okay. It made me feel like he doesn't care and he has even said as well that sometimes he cares and sometimes he doesn't and he would only really care more if we was in a relationship :/... There has been times before in the past where I have been in some states and he seemed all really concerned but I get he doesn't really care anymore...
Like I said, I have hurt him before, I have betrayed him by getting too drunk and discussing it with everyone we work with that we slept together... Obviously, I know it's wrong but I don't think he will forgive me for that but things that's occurred since, I suppose I am hurt by.. Like we have slept together since then, he's looked into my eyes and we have spoke and hugged... And spooned... I have tried so much to make it up to him... By taking him to an IMAX, seeing his mate he hardly sees and other things... But he seems distance with me when we work together. I noticed that and with the death of my mother today, I confronted him about it two nights ago... And then the fact he just left me alone to cry, I do feel hurt by that...
He has now said that he doesn't want to loose me as a friend but if I am honest, I think we are gonna loose each other anyway... We act like a couple and didn't even realise it.. Or never spoke about it... I grown attached to him but he doesn't seem that bothered about me.. And that does hurt me and I am unsure on what I shall do.. I feel half of me should be closer to my family and start fresh.. And then half of me feels like I should keep trying. It's hard for me because it's hard for me to make friends or close friendships and I really liked this guy because he reminded me so much of myself, quirky and different in a good way and we have a lot in common.. I suppose I feel I will never find anyone like that again ;(
Like I said, I have hurt him before, I have betrayed him by getting too drunk and discussing it with everyone we work with that we slept together... Obviously, I know it's wrong but I don't think he will forgive me for that but things that's occurred since, I suppose I am hurt by.. Like we have slept together since then, he's looked into my eyes and we have spoke and hugged... And spooned... I have tried so much to make it up to him... By taking him to an IMAX, seeing his mate he hardly sees and other things... But he seems distance with me when we work together. I noticed that and with the death of my mother today, I confronted him about it two nights ago... And then the fact he just left me alone to cry, I do feel hurt by that...
He has now said that he doesn't want to loose me as a friend but if I am honest, I think we are gonna loose each other anyway... We act like a couple and didn't even realise it.. Or never spoke about it... I grown attached to him but he doesn't seem that bothered about me.. And that does hurt me and I am unsure on what I shall do.. I feel half of me should be closer to my family and start fresh.. And then half of me feels like I should keep trying. It's hard for me because it's hard for me to make friends or close friendships and I really liked this guy because he reminded me so much of myself, quirky and different in a good way and we have a lot in common.. I suppose I feel I will never find anyone like that again ;(
From an outside point of view it feels like you are just a booty call.
You slept together but when you need him he's not there.
Wow, you got drunk. People get drunk and do stupid things. Although I'm not condoning it, if he wasn't happy with you discussing it he wouldn't have came back for more.
If he really really wants to still be friends, he needs to sit down with you and you both get everything off your chest.
As I said before, he wouldn't be acting the way he is now. It feels like he's trying to get back at you, but Ive been hurt loads of times by the people I love, and sometimes, I've had to cut them out and it's really hard, but it's a weight off your shoulders not to have to deal with their petty ****.
If you can see the difference between a deliberate and an accidental hurt, you can choose to continue to have that person in your life or to cut them completely.
He's stringing you along with no consideration of your feelings, and you're letting him walk all over you. You've even just explained it to me that he does this.
It's up to you and it's going to take your courage to say, "Hey, I really don't like the way you're f*cking treating me" to get the ball rolling.
I personally would cut him loose. I would be f*cking done if someone wrecked me that emotionally.
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