How can I move on in this relationship?

I could really use advice on this please, I'll try and keep this short and give the basics.

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 8 years.
He's had bad relationships in the past, therefore has insecurities, and I was abused in the past, so my trust waivers easily. But we both love each other very much.

However, everything has been great until recently.

Basically, he has said the name of his housemate twice during sex. He said he doesn't remember (and he hates his housemate atm) so I let it slide because brain farts and stuff, it happens.

I found that he has been going on indecent chat rooms, he apologised.

His house mate has been inappropriate with him in front of me, for example, saying how much she wants to **** him, taking him from me, sitting on him, and grinding into his lap, but he doesn't see this as wrong. He apologised.

He met his ex recently and thought that I thought he was going to jump into her arms and tell her that he still loves her, which I didn't, as I know she was horrible to him.

He recently made a video of us without me knowing. Then, I invited him to an open day our sport team was having, only to tell me he went to jerk off watching said video instead of helping out.
That hurt because I don't invite people to events, I don't even play my violin in front of my mum as I'm so embarrassed of ****ing up.

He apologised, but I'm finding it really hard to move on from this.
He keeps asking if I'm going to break up with him or why I'm still with him. I know he's insecure at times and I try so hard to reassure him I'm going nowhere.

I also have depression, so sometimes, it can hard, as I worry about burdening him. But my depression makes me forget the love I have for close people like family and friends, and my boyfriend. So recently after all this, it's been harder for me to see the love I have for him.

I do love him, and I know he loves me. But how can I move on from this? Am I over reacting?

Reply 1

SophieSmall

Ok first thing you need to do is behind his back delete every copy he has made of the video of you two. You don't want him trying to use it against you in future, so don't let him know you are going to delete it.

Secondly break up with him. He is clearly a disrespectful waste of space and a disgusting excuse for a boyfriend.

Thirdly if you aren't already try to get some help for your depression.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by SophieSmall

Thank you.

He has deleted them. He isn't the sort of person that would spread it though, I know that for sure. I've checked as well.

Apart from these, he's the most sincerest and caring person I've ever met, hard to believe with these incidents, I know.

I am getting help yes :smile:

Recently things have been really tough more so that usual, so I wasn't sure if that was clouding my judgement on this whole situation :/

Reply 3

SophieSmall

Original post by Anonymous

Recently things have been really tough more so that usual, so I wasn't sure if that was clouding my judgement on this whole situation :/

How can you be sure? He massively betrayed your trust in doing that. So what's to say he hasn't betrayed it again by pretending he has deleted every copy? You say he's not the sort if person to spread it, but before he filmed you without your permission would you have thought he wasn't the sort of person to do that either? I personally would end a relationship over that immediately, but it's your choice what you do.

Reply 4

Katarvi

From what you've said he doesn't sound like a very good boyfriend at all. Are you sure he isn't doing all this to push you to dump him? It sounds to me like deliberate bad behaviour to see how far he can push you, but that's just my opinion based off of what little I know of the situation. I really wouldn't continue to put up with that behaviour though. Make it clear you aren't okay with the housemate business or him not taking you seriously (in regards to the open day he failed to show at and making a video).

Reply 5

user382

From what I can see there is more than enough justification for breaking up with him.

He sounds awful.

Sorry. :redface:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Thank you everyone for the input, it is greatly appreciated.

I went up to speak to him about this and he was already in tears at the possibility of me breaking up with him.

I'm talking over everything with him and I will make a decision soon.

Reply 7

SophieSmall

Original post by Anonymous

Just make sure he's actually listening to what you're saying and actually will put effort in. If he's still pulling **** like this after you talk about it honestly I don't see why you'd still want to be with him. I mean I think you're already far too forgiving considering some of this disgusting things he has done.

Trust me I've been in the position of having a guy crying to me about how they're sorry and love me and won't do things like that again, but it was all talk and no work.