1st year student and pregnant. What to do?

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Abortion, or give up on most of your dreams.

Surprised how the main consensus here seems to be that being a young mother is the worst thing you could possibly do and that OP's life is over if they don't abort. Also most of you are talking about her having an abortion like it's trivial. Even if to you it's not a big deal, clearly it's not that simple to her.

OP, I think you need to find what's best for you. If you agree that now is not the time for a child, then you make the decision to deal with that. Don't let people on this website dictate what you do. To many people, a child is more important than a staying to complete your degree, and many people still go on to complete their education afterwards. Obviously if you don't feel that it's worth leaving school and you know that having a child before you're stable financially or in a stable relationship is something you can't do then that's your decision. In the end, very few mothers regret having their child. Life continues.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 62

Bandsx

talk to someone open-minded that you trust completely and/or someone you know can help even if you aren't close to them

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 63

HS2030

you will always have support if you decide to keep the baby. you can ask your siblings who are older to care for h/she, possibly your parents or grandparents, and it alos brings family together. but do what you want :smile:

Reply 64

Anonymous #5

Don't let your boyfriend pressure you into anything. However, don't fall into the idea that just because you have a baby now that your life will be over. It won't be. Not at all. Everything is possible, just a little harder. At the end of the day it has been done before and it can be done again, you can have a baby at 20 or whatever age you are at and still be very successful. You can always resume university. Some things are just meant to be, not in a bad way to punish you but they can be a blessing. It is not worth having an abortion when there are ways and support to help you. Of course, if you want go on. But don't listen to this false idea/notion that your life will be over. Wait 3 years and your child can go to nursery and you can go back to university and get your degree and provide for yourself and your child. Hopefully, with a supportive husband by then too!

Reply 65

Anonymous #5

Where there is a will, there is a way.

Reply 66

plasmaman

Original post by Anonymous

a quick bit of background... I'm a first year student at a top 20 university (although i guess that depends on the list you choose to follow). I have been with my boyfriend for 2 month, he is great ( also at university). i am 5 weeks pregnant.
Before this i would always have been against myself abortion (not pro life, just never thought it was for me.)
i have 3 options.
Abortion.
my boyfriends preferred solution. He thinks me considering anything other than abortion is holding a gun to his head and he couldn't see himself continuing to be with me if i decided to keep it.
I however am crying my eyes out over it because i know its the sensible option but i don't think i cant bring myself to do it.
Keeping it
I will need to drop out of uni, and sacrifice possibly my entire future plans, aswell as do damage to my boyfriends studies and plans. He said he will drop out of uni to work and provide for it, but would no longer be in a relationship with me. However it is my baby, and being a mum is ultimately my career goal. doing a degree is the plan to provide for my future children but the degree and jobs that follow aren't the main goals for me. But do I want a child with a man who wouldn't support me.
Adoption
Boyfriend is also very against that. i think it is kindest as i know i wouldn't be able to provide the child with as much as id like. I do think it would kill me inside though, possibly more than an abortion due to the whole carrying a child for 9 months.

please offer support/ advice / something

No one hear can tell you what to do. Focus on what you and your boyfriend want, and that alone.

Reply 67

Maid Marian

Original post by Silver Arrow

I'm not going to pass judgement on how you ended up in this situation so i'll give you my advice. I think that you should abort the baby.

I don't know how old you are but i'm guessing between 18-22. You are not ready to have a baby. Motherhood is draining and keeping it will change your life. You can wave goodbye to your freedom and youth. The baby will make completing your education very challenging and you may even grow to resent it.

Your boyfriend may leave you but that is nothing compared to how your life will change if you decide to keep it. You have so much ahead of your life and it would a massive shame to throw it all away.

I disagree. Life isn't thrown away if you decide to raise a child instead of/alongside your career. :lolwut:

And 18-22 is a perfectly acceptable age to have a child. Better younger than later.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 68

livvmoore

It's ultimately your decision at the end of the day and whether you feel that you are ready to be a mother. You must remember that what motherhood includes and this may be too much for you, or you may think that it's not.

If I was in your situation, I would personally have an abortion just because I know I'm not ready to be a mother and at the moment I am completely focused on my future career. If I was you I'd speak to your family or a counsellor, just so you get more advice and maybe more information on the outcome of having an abortion, giving the child up for adoption or keeping it.

I hope all ends up well for you and I wish you the best.

Reply 69

AJP98

Original post by Tabstercat

he said he'd drop out of uni and pay for the kid he just doesn't want to be in a relationship with the mother? why is that wrong? He has no obligation to always be with her

I believe suggesting he won't stay with her if she keeps it is very unsupportive, and in a way, cruel. Whilst he has no obligation to stay with her, it takes two to make a child, and in adult relationships, the conversation of "what if?" should have been had prior to the conception.
His choice to financially support the child isn't heroic, it's, quite frnkly, to be expected from the baby's own bloody father. Whilst he is very much entitled to his input in the abortion process and the decision making, he isn't considering her emotional status. To put your girlfriend between a rock and a hard place, either lose the baby or the boyfriend, is downright unfair, especially when she is so stressed and scared.

Reply 70

x-pixie-x

I would definitely abort I could never have a baby with someone after 2 months and no surprise he doesn't want to stay with you permanently if you do have it. Lots of time left to have kids and there is a lot more to life than them especially at your age.

Reply 71

DougallnDougall

Original post by Anonymous

Unless she has parents able to financially support her, by having a child she will be committing herself and her child to a life of financial hardship. Even with maintenance from the father, life is still going to be very tough for a teenage mum. To suggest that she is going to just be able to pick up the threads of her life after wards is a bit of a fairytale and not a particularly grounded perspective, especially the bit of about having a nice husband by then! As a single mum that is one thing she may find exceptionally difficult to do. Would her parents be able and willing to take on supporting a child at a time in their lives when they may consider they've brought up their own children and now looking to do stuff for themselves?

Reply 72

Username002.0

Original post by Anonymous

If I were you, I'd go with abortion. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it truly is the best option IMHO.

You really have to think about this realistically. Raising a child is ridiculously expensive, and couples who have established careers and savings often struggle. How do you, an 18 year old with no decent education or savings and no partner to help you to the optimum level? You'd never be able to give the child the live you want to give it, so it will end up being a waste of three lives, yours, your boyfriend's and your child's.

Adoption is a good idea, but so many children constantly go through the system and never get placed in families. Would you want your own biological child to go through that and possibly be screwed up for life?

At this point in life, you are the most important thing. Get an abortion, finish your education, get a good job and start saving up. Then you can think about being a good mother to any children you have

If only more humans were this logical and objective, the quality of humans and the entirety of the human race would be better off.

Reply 73

chikane

Like others have said talk to your family and see whether they will help and support you with the child. Maybe you can attend uni part-time? I don't like how your boyfriend is ditching you if you keep the baby sounds really immature.

Reply 74

DougallnDougall

Original post by chikane

I think he's actually being quite mature - two month relationship + 5 weeks pregnant - these two barely know each other never mind be in the situation where they are able to commit long term as parents. A really immature boy would've been asking if it was his or denying it was his and wouldn't be offering to give up his uni course to provide financial assistance. They've both acted irresponsibly but at the end of the day the girl has ultimate responsibility to protect herself from an unwanted pregnancy. Anyway it's done now so hopefully the OP can make the right decision for herself.

Reply 75

emilyjc17

Abortion seems the most realistic option here, I wouldn't even think twice about it in this situation. But it's your body and you need to make your own choice, if you choose to have it it will literally change your whole life - no going back, no do-overs, no second chances. Once you've got a baby, that's that.
But on the other hand, you need to be OK with the idea of terminating a pregnancy, if you were so pro-life prior to this then can you handle the abortion, and the aftermath that comes with it? All things you need to think about. Sorry, it's a nasty situation to be in, wish I could help more.

Reply 76

Fickschlitten

Abort and focus on your upcoming career.

Otherwise, drop out and become a single mom on the dole.

Your choice.

Reply 77

jonathanemptage

Original post by Anonymous

this

Reply 78

Anonymous #6

its obviously your decision, but my view is your future (especially as you are in uni) is worth more than an undeveloped foetus. I guess you just have to ask yourself whether you are prepared to give up your future and the hard work you put in to go to uni to care for a baby that isn't really wanted.
If I was in your situation i would like to think i would go for the abortion (but obviously I've never had that experience so its not for me to say), and i think the general consensus from all the other replies is that you should. (but again its your decision)

Reply 79

CRennie

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,
First of all I just want to say that whatever option YOU choose, it will be okay, I'm sure you will make the right decision.
Your situation sounds similar to mine. I was a first year student and fell pregnant to my on / off boyfriend of a year. I ended up keeping my son and took a year out of uni (thought I hadnt planned to take any time out). I am now in my third year of BSc Psychology, sitting on a 2:1 and working towards doing a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. If you decide to keep and raise the baby, there is so much government support available to keep you in education. Believe me it is HARD raising a child and studying at university level but I dont regret my decision to keep my son in the slightest, if anything he has increased my motivation to suceed in life! Having a baby didnt mean that I had to give up on my dreams and goals, it just means that I have to work harder in all areas of my life and have more responsibilty than some. There are quite a few other people in my year who also have children (mature students and younger students to).
As for the boyfriend situation, try thinking about this as seperate from him, you will be the one carrying and holding main responsibility for the baby if you keep it. It is great that he seems willing to provide for the child, and I fully appreciate that this decision will impact him as well, it is just a different angle to look at things from.
Just take some time and assess your situation, do you have a support network that you can fall back on etc? None of the three options that you have highlighted are a wrong decision, you just need to think about which one is best for you and which one you can live with. Hope this helped, dont panic about this, I'm sure you will make the right choice :smile: