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I lied to my boyfriend and he wants to break up. What should I do to get him back?

I had been lying to my bf about some stuff related to my past (I never cheated on my current bf!) because I was a stupid, insecure coward. I recently confessed it to him. He's upset and wishes to break up. I realize my mistake and have apologized multiple times. What should I do to get him back?

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Original post by Anonymous
I had been lying to my bf about some stuff related to my past (I never cheated on my current bf!) because I was a stupid, insecure coward. I recently confessed it to him. He's upset and wishes to break up. I realize my mistake and have apologized multiple times. What should I do to get him back?


You need to give him time. Let him think things over, depending what the issue was I guess. :smile:
It is possible that there is nothing you can do. Lying erodes trust and, for many people - myself included, when the trust is gone the relationship is done. He may come around with time but all you can do for now is be sorry and tell him you are ready to talk if/when he is. I don't want to be needlessly unkind, but consider this a lesson for the future :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
I had been lying to my bf about some stuff related to my past (I never cheated on my current bf!) because I was a stupid, insecure coward. I recently confessed it to him. He's upset and wishes to break up. I realize my mistake and have apologized multiple times. What should I do to get him back?


Tell him you don't want him back and he will know you lying
Wow! u lied, you messed up pretty good. It will be hard to trust you again. Lying causes a really bad impact in relationships, it puts them off. You cant just say sorry because its just a word. Let time by and prove how special and serious you are with him and no more lies.
What have you actually lied about? The severity affects how likely it is you will get back together...
Relax, ask him to go with you somewhere nice such as a cafe, and talk about it nicely to him, tell him how much you mean to him and that he should give you another chance to make things right! Afterall we all make mistakes :smile:

Tell him to think about what you both have now and work something out!
Reply 7
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
I've lied lots of times about the same situation saying there will be no more to it than I said when there was. I was just scared of losing him and I was selfish not to be able to tell him straight away. I did in the end admit to everything and we decided to stay together. He doesn't believe that I really am sorry and won't do it again which I don't blame him for. I really have learnt my lesson how do I prove that I'll never lie again :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
I've lied lots of times about the same situation saying there will be no more to it than I said when there was. I was just scared of losing him and I was selfish not to be able to tell him straight away. I did in the end admit to everything and we decided to stay together. He doesn't believe that I really am sorry and won't do it again which I don't blame him for. I really have learnt my lesson how do I prove that I'll never lie again :frown:


What situation were you lying about? The only way to prove that you won't lie again is to not lie. If you just don't lie, then you'll prove to him that you won't lie again. But you need to understand that there will be trust issues on his part because you've lied over and over.
Reply 9
Avatar for chikane
chikane
20
Original post by Anonymous
I've lied lots of times about the same situation saying there will be no more to it than I said when there was. I was just scared of losing him and I was selfish not to be able to tell him straight away. I did in the end admit to everything and we decided to stay together. He doesn't believe that I really am sorry and won't do it again which I don't blame him for. I really have learnt my lesson how do I prove that I'll never lie again :frown:


We don't know what you lied about, if you told us we can tell you whether he might come round.
Original post by chikane
We don't know what you lied about, if you told us we can tell you whether he might come round.


I did something with another guy before we started going out even though we were talking to each other. He then found out and I repeatedly tried to hide it because I was so selfish and scared that he'll leave me. I really did and do care for him so much :frown: I know I've done something so horrible and disgusting. I need to do something to prove to him I do care and this will never happen because it really won't.
Original post by Anonymous
I did something with another guy before we started going out even though we were talking to each other. He then found out and I repeatedly tried to hide it because I was so selfish and scared that he'll leave me. I really did and do care for him so much :frown: I know I've done something so horrible and disgusting. I need to do something to prove to him I do care and this will never happen because it really won't.


Tell him after much deliberation you just don't know how to prove how sorry you are and that makes you feel awful. Then show him this thread. Then come up with something really nice that you'll do for him. Make sure you point how stupid you were and that you realise this now and it makes you feel terrible and that as a result you promise you will never ever do anything like that again.

If that doesn't work. welp. You blew it.
Original post by TorpidPhil
Tell him after much deliberation you just don't know how to prove how sorry you are and that makes you feel awful. Then show him this thread. Then come up with something really nice that you'll do for him. Make sure you point how stupid you were and that you realise this now and it makes you feel terrible and that as a result you promise you will never ever do anything like that again.

If that doesn't work. welp. You blew it.


It's not that I don't think. I feel like there's something I just need to do to prove that I really do care...
There is nothing else you can do.
You have hurt him so he's not interested in potentially getting hurt again, your relationship is over.
He can never trust you the same again.
Let him go his own way but remember what you've done try to learn from this mistake for the future.
Original post by Anonymous
It's not that I don't think. I feel like there's something I just need to do to prove that I really do care...


Ask him. But really you know the answer will be "No". You just have to surprise him and try to make up for it. You lied. that will never go away from his mind and he probably will never be able to trust you the same ever again. That's what lying in relationships does.
Reply 15
Avatar for whorace
whorace
2
Original post by Anonymous
I did something with another guy before we started going out even though we were talking to each other. He then found out and I repeatedly tried to hide it because I was so selfish and scared that he'll leave me. I really did and do care for him so much :frown: I know I've done something so horrible and disgusting. I need to do something to prove to him I do care and this will never happen because it really won't.


Tell the truth. What actually happened? If there was already a kind of emotional bond there it does border cheating, plus the fact you've lied about it makes it sound like you are really guilty, you didn't technically do anything wrong since you weren't in a relationship but now you've thrown yourself under a bus.
I know I have. He is willing to stay with me I just have to put in a lot of effort to make it work and show him I care and that I will never lie to him again.
Reply 17
Avatar for whorace
whorace
2
Original post by Anonymous
I know I have. He is willing to stay with me I just have to put in a lot of effort to make it work and show him I care and that I will never lie to him again.


Very good of him to let things slide you are lucky, you're not that bad some girls are so messed up they'll literally dump guys because if they forgive them they must be weak:lol:
Original post by whorace
Very good of him to let things slide you are lucky, you're not that bad some girls are so messed up they'll literally dump guys because if they forgive them they must be weak:lol:


I don't think he let things slide at all. He's been amazing letting me try again but I've got to do something to really prove myself since he thinks terribly of me now.
Original post by Anonymous
I did something with another guy before we started going out even though we were talking to each other. He then found out and I repeatedly tried to hide it because I was so selfish and scared that he'll leave me. I really did and do care for him so much :frown: I know I've done something so horrible and disgusting. I need to do something to prove to him I do care and this will never happen because it really won't.


You weren't even dating him then so I don't see why it should bother him what you did with someone else if you two weren't together at the time.

Even if you lied (though I feel it doesn't concern him) he should understand as it's to do with your past. If you did something while you were together then he might find it hard to trust you I have been betrayed by people I thought were loyal and I just cut them out of my life as I felt our friendship couldn't go back to how it was before.

Though I do think you can work through this.

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