Living with boyfriend - he doesn't contribute equally

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On another question, why are you renting a two bed house if there's only you two living there? Are you sleeping separately?

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Future proofing for a kid?

OP, your attitude towards it is clearly the problem.

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Reply 21

Doones

Same boyfriend?
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3204149

Reply 22

Twinpeaks

I don't think it's fair for partners who have big disparities in wages to pay equally. I think it should be in proportion to income. I think it's fair that he pays less because he earns less. You aren't simply housemates, you are partners living together.

Reply 23

username2284409

Why should he pay 50% if he earns less than you? That's not fair.
If 25% of your income goes for bills think that it is equal to 50% of his wage...

Reply 24

elfreda69

It's a fact of life that some men just sponge off their women. You have every right to feel resentment. Perhaps if you pay more towards the bills then he can pay less. That way he can pay for his own travel and food. He must also think about getting a second job. You should give your relationship a timescale: if things have not improved, then you may have to move somewhere cheaper or your relationship may need to be reviewed. Can you imagine raising a family with a man who cannot financially be relied upon? I know that this sounds harsh, but a mortgage and children cost and many women make the mistake of shouldering too much of the burden. Think long term- can you see yourself with this man in 10 years time?

Reply 25

username944192

There's only two of you and you rent a two bed house? Downsize so he can afford it.

Reply 26

999tigger

Im with the sit down and talk to him group.

Theres a point where this challenge becomes an issue that drives you apart instead of tackling it together as a couple.

You need to decide what you want and compare that with what hes prepared to give. If he cnat meet your min standards then you are likely going to split. Uopi can either sort it out or not.

If hes honest and he talks to you instead of sticking his head in the sand then he will wnat to be fair and look out for you by pulling his weight.
If he wont listen or just gets angry then you are with someone who puts themselves first at your expense. You should take into account he earns less.

Work out a budget to decide things going forward as well as a repayment plan for the rest of the money. Can he get a better job, can you cut back, move to a cheaper house, can either of you do a 2nd job? His atitude and intention to make it work will tell you all you need to know. If he isnt bothered and just gets angry, then be prepapred to split.
Work together as a couple.

Reply 27

Nadile

I don't understand why you're moving in together if you intend on treating him like a flat mate. If I was to move in with my boyfriend then I wouldn't be looking at money in terms of his and mine, I'd look at it in terms of OUR money, the amount that we share in total.

I certainly wouldn't be sparing money on food for him or other basic needs -.- sounds like you're moving faster than what you're ready for

Reply 28

Kaneki

Original post by elfreda69

Who's to say that the man should be relied upon? I'd quit whilst you're behind if I were you.

As for OP.. As others' have said it's not exactly reasonable to expect him to pay so much when he earns so little, from what I can see you have a few choices..

- Change to % contributions, him paying for 33% and you paying for 66%.
- Move back into individual apartments
- If this is going to bother you for the whole of the relationship then break up with the guy and don't waste his time

Reply 29

jmcwitch

Original post by jneill

Same boyfriend?
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3204149

It would seem so.....

Reply 30

1682795

Original post by paul514

Me and my gf don't split our money we use it as one and it causes zero issues

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You should take an example, Nutella.

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Reply 31

999tigger

Original post by Impressive

You should take an example, Nutella.

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That depends on the people involved though. Joint accounts, especially when so early on, can cause massive problems. If one person starts treating the money without respect to their partner then it ends up a mess.

Reply 32

1682795

Original post by 999tigger

Joint account? I didn't say anything like that. You should get the idea.

One part I agree with is the relationship and people who constantly disagree with each other.

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Reply 33

Shorty94

I understand that but surely if they're struggling right now, it would make more sense to move into a smaller 1 bedroom place until the boyfriend is earning more and can afford to live in a two bed?

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Reply 34

Katarvi

I don't know how you could buy food, cook it and sit there eating it in front of him knowing he literally cannot afford to eat. Do you actually love this guy or is he just an extra pay check to you? If this is the same guy you cheated on with his friend please leave him, you are quite clearly not right for each other.

Reply 35

Motorbiker

Sit down with him and do a simple budget.

It's easy enough to grab an excel budget template of the internet.

Calculate how much your total bills and rent comes to each month an see how much you each have left over.
Crack out bank statements to see what you've both been spending money on and can see where you can cut back. I guarantee there is fat there to cut. Stuff like buying lunches each day instead of preparing a sandwich may only be £3 a day but for both of you over the standard working year of 250+ days a yeqr you're looking at a £1500+ saving.

He definitely shouldn't be looking at buying a macbook, from that information i'd ask what else he's spending money on...

If he's going to be in this job for a long time then you guys need to work it out as a tea, decide on a fairer split of the bills, this may be silly if he's paying £50 less bills a month and uses that £50 to pay you back but it would give him a chance to get back to not owing money.

Reply 36

Tw1x

Original post by Tiger Rag

Is it really fair to split everything 50/50 knowing he earns much less than you?

This. I found OPs attitude quite shocking really, when you live together it isn't 'mine' or 'theirs' its OURS. Hence why you live together. Its not like he's wasting his money, he just earns less than you. You knew this before you moved in together. My partner earns a hell of a lot more than me, I don't pay half. So what? If he's poor we're both poor and vice versa. When he lost his job I didn't say 'Hah, looks like you're having beans on toast for dinner while I have prime steak' or leave him sat at home while I went out spending money. It's OUR money and OUR home - why would I get petty about buy something. As long as the bills are paid and food in the cupboard, who cares?

Reply 37

VannR

"From each according to their ability, to each according to their need".

You earn twice as much money as him, and so it is FAIR that you put twice as much money into the household. This principle is gender neutral.

Fix your attitude, OP.

Reply 38

username338343

Do you actually love this guy? Do you even like him? Or is he causing you such an inconvenience right now that you really couldn't give a flying *** what he's feeling?

Please have some consideration OP, you can't treat people like this. But the fact that he's your boyfriend concerns me - I would spend everything I have on my boyfriend, especially if it were only the basics. I NEVER want to see him without - I would rather put food in his belly than in my own and would never expect anything in return other than a 'thankyou'.

It's just basic respect to figure out what he can afford and what he can't in a percentage/ratio and then stick to it until circumstances change - no complaints. Because it's fair. If you don't like that then you shouldn't be with someone right now because you're too selfish to consider their situation over how much extra pocket money you'll have. You should honestly be glad he's still giving you the time of day never mind his money.