Living with boyfriend - he doesn't contribute equally

That depends on the people involved though. Joint accounts, especially when so early on, can cause massive problems. If one person starts treating the money without respect to their partner then it ends up a mess.

Do you think he has it in his power to pay more? Whether that's from managing his finances better, working more hours/second job, getting a better job? If he does then you need to be really straight with him and don't take any rubbish about doing his best. Tell him he needs to fix it or you're both going to have to look for something else accommodation wise.

More generally though this is HIS fault for not budgeting appropriately when you moved in together. He should have been really clear about what he was going to be able to pay for, what if he'd got himself in this situation in a shared house where no one would help him out? He'd be screwed. He needs to learn that there will be consequences for this sort of thing.

I don't think you should be splitting what you pay for proportionally if you don't want to.

We're not married and haven't been together 20 years. I think paying for the other person to live is quite a bit commitment.

When he lost his job I didn't say 'Hah, looks like you're having beans on toast for dinner while I have prime steak'

There have been times recently when I have realised enough is enough, and have refused to pay for his food/travel. But then he can't get to work, he can't eat, I am buying food and cooking it here and then it's really awkward because he sits there while I'm tucking in. I've only actually done that a couple of times because the other times I have felt too guilty and have given in.

No. He shouldn't have to get a second job to equal her salary?

No. In shared housing you all split equally because you see that as fair. However, in shared housing you all have separate food shops, you deck out your own individual spaces however you like and your house mate probably wouldn't feel personally shunned should you order in (for example) without them.

But you should. Because otherwise you're going to run your partner into the ground financially by expecting him to shell out on stuff that he can't afford. Say you pay equally, 50% of your pay check goes on household bills, rent etc. He's earning half as much so 100% of EVERYTHING he earns is going on the same thing. So does that mean on occasions like birthdays/christmas, date nights, days out, pub with friends, meal out together - you're going to pick up his half of the tab? Cos y'know, he doesn't have any disposable income whatsoever. Because you wanted him to pay £6 extra towards internet or something...

First off, she's not paying for him to live, she should be paying so that he has the opportunity to build up some disposable income of his own so then he can contribute to furniture etc like she wants.

Secondly - moving in with someone you love is a colossal commitment. If you can make that commitment but not be 'committed' enough to be fair in money then you're not mature enough to be moving in with anyone.

I understand that you personally agreed to your situation with your OH however, this 50/50 agreement that OP made was before they even moved in and when they realised that she earned DOUBLE what he does (and she doesn't have the personality or compassion to be buying things for her bf that he maybe can't afford) then they should have adjusted that ratio ASAP so it didn't lead to all this resentment in the first place.

This. I found OPs attitude quite shocking really, when you live together it isn't 'mine' or 'theirs' its OURS. Hence why you live together. Its not like he's wasting his money, he just earns less than you. You knew this before you moved in together. My partner earns a hell of a lot more than me, I don't pay half. So what? If he's poor we're both poor and vice versa. When he lost his job I didn't say 'Hah, looks like you're having beans on toast for dinner while I have prime steak' or leave him sat at home while I went out spending money. It's OUR money and OUR home - why would I get petty about buy something. As long as the bills are paid and food in the cupboard, who cares?

I have been with my boyfriend for a year. He has been my best friend for longer.

We both left university last Summer and after a short while of doing our own thing we decided to take the next step and move in together. We have been living together since November.

I'm looking for some advice. Since leaving University we have both managed to secure a job. His job pays minimum wage, mine is higher. In total, each month I earn at least double what he does.

Unfortunately this has caused us a lot of problems. We rent a 2 bed house, and before we moved in we agreed to split everything 50/50 to make it fair. This includes bills, food, etc.

Here are a few of the issues:-
* Our house was offered unfurnished, so we had to buy everything from scratch. I have bought every single item of furniture, except a 40" TV which is his. As you can imagine this cost me massively. Initially we agreed to split 50/50 on furniture, but now it's turned into an IOU on his part.
* I lent him £100 at the beginning of the tenancy, to contribute towards first months' rent. I had to dip into my overdraft to pay for this, and he agreed to pay me back - in full, including fee - on his next payday. This didn't happen.
* He pays for bills and rent, but not much else. I am having to pay for his food, travel costs, etc.

To cut a long story short, he is paying equally for bills and rent, but not much else. I own all the furniture, which has cost me over £2000 in total, even though I got them from discount furniture shops/charity shops. I am buying his food for him, and am "lending" him money. He owes me at least £450, which he has agreed to pay me back £20 a month, because that's all he can afford. He owes a lot of people a lot of money, so I feel obliged to accept whatever he is willing to give me.

There have been times recently when I have realised enough is enough, and have refused to pay for his food/travel. But then he can't get to work, he can't eat, I am buying food and cooking it here and then it's really awkward because he sits there while I'm tucking in. I've only actually done that a couple of times because the other times I have felt too guilty and have given in.

I keep thinking, what is the other option? If he can't afford it, then he will have to move out - and I desperately don't want him to. I would rather keep paying for him (although I hate doing it) than for him to move out.

I think my main worry is that 25% of my pay each month goes on my share of the bills, but because of everything else I am having to pay, I am left with barely anything afterwards. I have been employed since September and have not been able to save any money up, and have maxed both of my overdrafts.

I've tried speaking to him about it but he shuts down, shouts and gets really arsey, saying he's trying his best. I know he is deep down, but at the same time I don't think it's fair.

I don't really know why I'm posting this.. I guess I just want other people's
thoughts on the situation.

I'm seeing two big problems here.

the first being he won't even talk about the issue without throwing a tantrum, you deserve better than that. He should not be shouting at you because of his failings and lack of being a responsible adult.

The second being his very clear poor money management. Unless you are living in a very expensive place he should have no trouble at least affording food, rent and bills on minimum wage since the costs are halved with there being two of you.

I'd be more wary about being in a relationship with someone who clearly can't manage his money and on top of that is too immature to act like an adult and talk to you about it. I'd be more bothered by that than the money itself personally.

He is probably embarrassed thats why? Sounds like OP is probably harrasing him pretty often for money.
OP has already said he is actually trying and that he isn't wasting is money. Whats more worrying to me is the fact that the OP is happy to sit and eat in front of her boyfriend when he can't afford to. Don't move in together if you are not mature enough to handle it. In pretty much every relationship somebody has the upper hand financially, it doesn't mean they get to rub it in their partners face. Sounds like she wants a flatmate not a partner. They moved in too quickly together - should have saved and bought the essentials first over a period of time then worked out finances better. And FYI minimum wage is what? £6.50, at 40 hours a week affording bills, rent and food is a push, even in a cheap area. OP already admitted she earns DOUBLE what her partner earns, she is just being greedy. That is not a stable relationship. I don't understand why they moved in together?

Sit down with him and do a simple budget.

It's easy enough to grab an excel budget template of the internet.

Calculate how much your total bills and rent comes to each month an see how much you each have left over.
Crack out bank statements to see what you've both been spending money on and can see where you can cut back. I guarantee there is fat there to cut. Stuff like buying lunches each day instead of preparing a sandwich may only be £3 a day but for both of you over the standard working year of 250+ days a yeqr you're looking at a £1500+ saving.

He definitely shouldn't be looking at buying a macbook, from that information i'd ask what else he's spending money on...

If he's going to be in this job for a long time then you guys need to work it out as a tea, decide on a fairer split of the bills, this may be silly if he's paying £50 less bills a month and uses that £50 to pay you back but it would give him a chance to get back to not owing money.

We sat down and he gave me an estimate, but I realised the estimate was ambitious at best. He made out that we would be earning the same amount, which turned out not to be the case.
He has almost bought frivolous things.. like one of his friends is trying to sell a macbook and the other day he put in an offer for it even though he owes me all this money and he has a working laptop already. But I don't know if that's just because he really likes technology.
I don't really know what I'm expecting him to do, but talking to him about it hasn't really helped because he tends to get upset, or as I said shuts down and gets frustrated.