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OP I'd be scared to think how you would be if you were or had ever entered a relationship with this girl. You'd be 10x worse, so I'm glad you've not had that opportunity, given your mental state ATM.

You seem unhealthily obsessed with a girl that I assume still has a boyfriend. The problem is she doesn't feel the same way as you, whereas you do, which can hurt like hell.

What can sometimes help combat obsessions is getting therapy or just finding out yourself what the main trigger is. Do you feel lonely? Have you got any more friends other than this girl?
Original post by believeteam22
I didn't want to end the friendship that's why. Yes I got really close to ending it once and then I changed my mind. I am feeling extremely anxious about seeing her tomorrow. I will see her and it will stress me more and I will just feel worse.


If you don't see her you will feel even more anxious and you will end up worrying about seeing her on Monday.

I feel you have attached emotional cords with her, i have had this happened to me and i paid a woman to help me cut it as i tried to do it myself but the negative feeling returned so i usually contact this woman once a year and it made me more independent and clearer and think it will help you to move on as it helps get rid of negative energy from certain people you have bonded with.

http://www.soulconnection.ca/cord-cutting.html
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by believeteam22
Actually I simply told her don't tell anyone that someone is doing your work 3 days ago and she said she won't etc. Then since then, no contact. And last night she emailed me and accused me of blackmailing her. Which is just stupid. How am I blackmailing? All I said was don't tell people he is doing your work!!

Anyway I have to talk to her once in person. I need to clear the air and get some closure otherwise this won't end easily.


She didn't ask for your help did she?
Reply 263
Hobbies, hobbies, hobbies.

Especially exercise.

Muay Thai is one of my coping mechanism - the sweat and effort is cleansing, plus the flood of endorphins.

Besides that, lots of self-care and inner focus. Good luck.
Original post by scrawlx101
She didn't ask for your help did she?


I heard from 3 different people saying that the guy is doing her work for her. And I thought I'll inform her of this just to make her aware of this. I don't want her to get into trouble you know. She reacted quite angrily and shocked saying who is saying this etc.
Original post by chikane
If you don't see her you will feel even more anxious and you will end up worrying about seeing her on Monday.

I feel you have attached emotional cords with her, i have had this happened to me and i paid a woman to help me cut it as i tried to do it myself but the negative feeling returned so i usually contact this woman once a year and it made me more independent and clearer and think it will help you to move on as it helps get rid of negative energy from certain people you have bonded with.

http://www.soulconnection.ca/cord-cutting.html


This sounds like an interesting approach. Out of interest are you completely out of contact with this person now?
Original post by DanielleT192
OP I'd be scared to think how you would be if you were or had ever entered a relationship with this girl. You'd be 10x worse, so I'm glad you've not had that opportunity, given your mental state ATM.

You seem unhealthily obsessed with a girl that I assume still has a boyfriend. The problem is she doesn't feel the same way as you, whereas you do, which can hurt like hell.

What can sometimes help combat obsessions is getting therapy or just finding out yourself what the main trigger is. Do you feel lonely? Have you got any more friends other than this girl?


Not really. The pain of not being able to be with someone you love wouldn't be there. That was a big factor in me not being able to control my emotions and my feelings always getting the better of me.

But I just want to be her friend. I mean I know I have no chance with her.

I can say that being her friend (even though I could never be with her) is a lot better and a lot less painful that not being her friend at all. I am saying this right now because it really sucks.

It really hurts like hell. It really does. People just say don't act like a weak person but they don't understand how much it kills me.

I do have friends. Enough friends. I've got a good group of people around me, friends who have back my back and have always been there for me.

I don't think I'm lonely in that sense, but maybe I feel lonely in that I don't have a gf? It's just a thought I'm not sure.

I am afraid now that I won't find a girl like her again. I liked her so much. I put too much into this girl I mean I treated her as though she was more than a friend and that was my wrongdoing. I've learned all this now; but I'm just not ready to lose her from my life like this. Because it's killing me, I'm experiencing all sorts of pains, I feel physical chest pain, I feel anxiety, I'm shaking at times, I can't eat or sleep properly, I feel tears in my eyes, I feel completely broken by this.
Original post by Assan
Hobbies, hobbies, hobbies.

Especially exercise.

Muay Thai is one of my coping mechanism - the sweat and effort is cleansing, plus the flood of endorphins.

Besides that, lots of self-care and inner focus. Good luck.


I go to the gym but right now even there I don't feel good, I feel out of it to be honest.

I'm trying but my mind is all over the place at the moment. And I have so much work to do but am struggling to get it done. That's worrying me further
Original post by frozen_fire
This sounds like an interesting approach. Out of interest are you completely out of contact with this person now?


Yes it was hard but I was wondering why am I thinking of him all the time and I felt I could pick up on his moods telepathically I felt there was a spiritual connection so I tried this and paid for a distance healing session and the first few days I felt there was a massive emptiness as my thoughts were usually on said person but it honestly helped me move on and get rid of negative energy that has built up.

I have also used it to cut the negativity from me and my parents as I felt it was toxic and from work colleagues. I was given a report on the findings of why I was picking up on others emotions and why i felt weighed down which was interesting.

It massively helps so thought maybe it would help Believeteam to move on quicker and not obsess over her.
Original post by chikane
Yes it was hard but I was wondering why am I thinking of him all the time and I felt I could pick up on his moods telepathically I felt there was a spiritual connection so I tried this and paid for a distance healing session and the first few days I felt there was a massive emptiness as my thoughts were usually on said person but it honestly helped me move on and get rid of negative energy that has built up.

I have also used it to cut the negativity from me and my parents as I felt it was toxic and from work colleagues. I was given a report on the findings of why I was picking up on others emotions and why i felt weighed down which was interesting.

It massively helps so thought maybe it would help Believeteam to move on quicker and not obsess over her.


A lot of the time in this sort of a scenario, breaking the emotional connection is the biggest hurdle in getting over someone. The fact you were proactive and made a concerted effort in following through with this technique shows how serious you were in moving on.

The main issue with believeteam is that everything he does in regard to this girl is backwards. He has actually been presented with the perfect opportunity to start a new chapter in his life now uni is coming to an end but all he cares about is salvaging a deeply toxic, fanatical obsession with someone who doesn't want anything to do with him.

He is so caught up in the present that I don't think it's really hit home that in a few weeks from now, this girl will be nothing more than a separate entity leading a completely different life.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by believeteam22
Not really. The pain of not being able to be with someone you love wouldn't be there. That was a big factor in me not being able to control my emotions and my feelings always getting the better of me.

But I just want to be her friend. I mean I know I have no chance with her.

I can say that being her friend (even though I could never be with her) is a lot better and a lot less painful that not being her friend at all. I am saying this right now because it really sucks.

It really hurts like hell. It really does. People just say don't act like a weak person but they don't understand how much it kills me.

I do have friends. Enough friends. I've got a good group of people around me, friends who have back my back and have always been there for me.

I don't think I'm lonely in that sense, but maybe I feel lonely in that I don't have a gf? It's just a thought I'm not sure.

I am afraid now that I won't find a girl like her again. I liked her so much. I put too much into this girl I mean I treated her as though she was more than a friend and that was my wrongdoing. I've learned all this now; but I'm just not ready to lose her from my life like this. Because it's killing me, I'm experiencing all sorts of pains, I feel physical chest pain, I feel anxiety, I'm shaking at times, I can't eat or sleep properly, I feel tears in my eyes, I feel completely broken by this.


Aww you sound like you're in a horrible place right now :frown: it's sh!t that you're having to go through this at a crucial point in uni as well and the timing couldn't have been worse.

In a way I could probably relate to your obsessive behaviour to an extent, as I too had been really obsessed over a guy a few years ago, who really didn't have much respect for me or my feelings.

Sometimes the negative way people make us is actually a stimuli for our obsessive behaviour, if that makes sense. However the way I see it now, being out of the situation I was in, is that if someone makes you feel that miserable, then they are not worth your time and effort. Why would you want to even be around people who are going to make you miserable, aren't consistent in the way they act towards you and don't show you any respect? You're just destroying yourself, when they don't give that much crap about you.

Yes, at the time, someone might seem the perfect companion/potential gf/bf but sometimes that stops us seeing the major flaws they have and usually there's a lot of flaws they have. It's hard to accept and break away but she seems really toxic and you deserve better than that.
Also OP, you have 2 months left of uni, 2 months. Don't salvage all of the effort you've put into your degree, especially how far you've got. As difficult as it is to concentrate, please just try and take this girl out of your mind, even for the 2 months until your exams are finished.
Original post by frozen_fire
A lot of the time in this sort of a scenario, breaking the emotional connection is the biggest hurdle in getting over someone. The fact you were proactive and made a concerted effort in following through with this technique shows how serious you were in moving on.

The main issue with believeteam is that everything he does in regard to this girl is backwards. He has actually been presented with the perfect opportunity to start a new chapter in his life now uni is coming to an end but all he cares about is salvaging a deeply toxic, fanatical obsession with someone who doesn't want anything to do with him.

He is so caught up in the present that I don't think it's really hit home that in a few weeks from now, this girl will be nothing more than a separate entity leading a completely different life.


I felt so weighed down and confused and I realised by clinging onto thoughts of them was preventing me from meeting other people but also I was never in a relationship with him so knew nothing would ever happen but I also thought of all his negative traits which helped me think I was better off without him which helped.

Well once he leaves uni he will hopefully move on.
Shame as he had the best opportunity to meet other girls there and he wasted it on her as she ended up blocking him so that's 2 years of wasted friendship. I don't understand OP he is getting verbally abused by her but he goes back for more If that was me would distance myself and cut ties.
She did not turn up to uni again. I can't believe it. I was nervous all day and she did not come. I was shaking and extremely upset.
This is torturing me.
Now I probably won't see her until Monday. Unless she decides not to turn up again.
It's killing me. Why is she doing this to me? I don't deserve this.
Reply 274
Not everything's about you she's likely not going to uni for other reasons that don't involve you
Original post by believeteam22
She did not turn up to uni again. I can't believe it. I was nervous all day and she did not come. I was shaking and extremely upset.
This is torturing me.
Now I probably won't see her until Monday. Unless she decides not to turn up again.
It's killing me. Why is she doing this to me? I don't deserve this.
Original post by believeteam22
She did not turn up to uni again. I can't believe it. I was nervous all day and she did not come. I was shaking and extremely upset.
This is torturing me.
Now I probably won't see her until Monday. Unless she decides not to turn up again.
It's killing me. Why is she doing this to me? I don't deserve this.


She's not doing anything to you, you're doing this to yourself - and at this rate, you're deserving of it. You don't reserve the right to see her at all, she is not your friend and never was, so could you please just stop obsessing over her now?
I haven't been able to talk to her since all of this happened. I have no way of communicating with her. This is killing me. This is affecting me so much I feel helpless why doesn't anyone understand this? Nobody can be do anything to help me. Only she can
Original post by believeteam22
She did not turn up to uni again. I can't believe it. I was nervous all day and she did not come. I was shaking and extremely upset.
This is torturing me.
Now I probably won't see her until Monday. Unless she decides not to turn up again.
It's killing me. Why is she doing this to me? I don't deserve this.


I love how you've full on blaming her now for not turning up to university as though it's some crime against humanity. Get it into your head. A few weeks from now you aren't going to see her in uni again period.
Original post by frozen_fire
I love how you've full on blaming her now for not turning up to university as though it's some crime against humanity. Get it into your head. A few weeks from now you aren't going to see her in uni again period.


She has fully blocked me from everywhere. I was hoping for a chance to talk to her in person.

I know. We could still communicate though like she is doing with other friends. This was so pointless and unnecessary what she did.
Original post by believeteam22
She has fully blocked me from everywhere. I was hoping for a chance to talk to her in person.

I know. We could still communicate though like she is doing with other friends. This was so pointless and unnecessary what she did.


Well that's never going to happen. You can never have any sort of relationship or interaction with this girl period. You are making things worse for yourself as usual by not leaving things as they are.

You are stubborn as a mule. Please don't think that fighting to salvage this is in any way an act of heroism that will lead to some sort of a cure for you depression. It most certainly will not.

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