The Student Room Group

Messed up situation

Something horrible happened tonight.
I went to my best friends house for drinks. Her mum sat with us and had a couple of drinks and chatted with us. I have known this friend and her mother for more than 15 years (most of my life).
A couple of hours in, my friends boyfriend and his friend (a guy I have started seeing) came round had a few drinks with the three of us and chatted. It was settled that we would all stay over as it was too late (1am) to walk home alone.
When we went upstairs my friend and her boyfriend went into her room and I waited in the spare room expecting the guy I was seeing to join me.
I heard my friends mum say to the guy your coming in with me tonight. I couldn't believe it. I thourght about what I should do and I wanted to leave.
So I went to leave.
As I walked out the house I listened to the mums door (I know it's creepy but I needed to know otherwise I would always wonder) and I heard my friends mum having sex with the guy I'm seeing.
I left walked home and my friend called me asking why I left.
I told her what had happened. She was in shock not sure what to say.
Her boyfriend heard the convo and didn't believe his friend would have done that.
My friend told me her boyfriend was getting angry and wanted to go and talk to her downstairs.
We then hung up.
I hope they don't deny it. I hope my friends boyfriend Dosnt have a problem with me.
I hope this dosnt effect my relationship with my best friend :frown:
It will never be the same though I feel because I feel like I will never be able to go to her house (her mum will be there) I won't be able to hang out with them as a group anymore.
I am on the outside now even though I have done nothing.
This is so unfair how I do nothing, other people are so horrible and come out on top.
Does anyone have any advice on what to do?
I'm so upset and feel so betrayed.
I really don't want my relationship with my friend to be effected.
It's unfortunate, but sometimes even when you do nothing wrong and have done nothing to deserve it life and people will **** on you sometimes.

All you can do is deal with it as best you can. I can't tell you your relationship with your friend won't be affected, it might depending on how she takes it all. But if it is you'll just need to move on, you can't force it if she doesn't want to stay the same.
Reply 2
You should have recorded the sound of them sleeping together...
Original post by John55
You should have recorded the sound of them sleeping together...


With the potentiality for legal difficulties pursuant to that?
Reply 4
Original post by apronedsamurai
With the potentiality for legal difficulties pursuant to that?


As long as OP didn't let it go public and just played the recording to her friend as proof, it shouldn't end up being problematic...
Original post by John55
As long as OP didn't let it go public and just played the recording to her friend as proof, it shouldn't end up being problematic...


No problem to record someone. But there is and will be legal liability where such a recording is then disseminated to a 3rd party without the consent of both parties who were recorded. Therefore, unless OP got the approval of the mother and or the gentleman with whom she was having sexual contact with, liability would arise.
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 6
Original post by apronedsamurai
No problem to record someone. But there is and will be legal liability where such a recording is then disseminated to a 3rd party without the consent of both parties who were recorded. Therefore, unless OP got the approval of the mother and or the gentleman with whom she was having sexual contact with, liability would arise.


I'm not saying it wouldn't be illegal, I'm just saying the chances of OP getting caught are slim. She just needs to play her friend the tape which proves her not to be a liar, then delete it...
Anyway, it doesn't really matter since OP didn't make a recording...
Original post by TheArtofProtest
Legal difficulties? What might they be?


Potential violations of Data protection Act 1988, Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000, Human Rights Act 1998.
Original post by TheArtofProtest
DPA is applicable to only Governments, businesses and organisations which the OP isn't.



Applicable to only public bodies which the OP isn't.



Potential application of Art. 8 but realistically, it won't get the boyfriend (potentially ex-boyfriend) anywhere.


Actually:

A data controller must be a “person” recognised in law, that is to say:

individuals;
organisations; and
other corporate and unincorporated bodies of persons.

Data controllers will usually be organisations, but can be individuals, for example self-employed consultants. Even if an individual is given responsibility for data protection in an organisation, they will be acting on behalf of the organisation, which will be the data controller.


As such, data protection can encompass private individuals as well as public, statutorily governed bodies.

The RIPA is precisely that: it empowers specified agencies and government bodies to conduct the surveillance/recordings etc. As such, someone acting in such a way, in their capacity as a private citizen and not otherwise so empowered by the SoS would NOT be so empowered, leading to attachment of culpability, most likely under s.1.
Original post by TheArtofProtest
Can be held for 40 days and then deleted. Not an issue,



RIPA is definitely not applicable here because the act relates to interception of communication.


Where did you get 40 days from? There is absolutely no maximum or minimum time frame specified in the statute; solely based on a case by case basis, with respect to certain principles (included in the statute).
Lol you're both disagreeing on the data protection act when it isn't relevant to the situation, seeing as OP hadnt recorded them both together.

This is a strange situation to be in. First question you have to ask yourself is are you 100% certain that they were having sex? Also, was your friend's mum aware that you were both seeing each other?

There isn't a lot that can be done in regards to your friend and her mum. All you can do is really wait for a response from your friend as she would probably be shocked and take it from there, I'm afraid.

As long as you're certain of what you heard, then don't let the mum or the guy you're seeing convince you otherwise. There's no guarantee how it'll affect your relationship(s) but I'd definitely steer clear of this guy and be wary about staying at your friend's mum's.
Reply 11
Original post by DanielleT192
Lol you're both disagreeing on the data protection act when it isn't relevant to the situation, seeing as OP hadnt recorded them both together.

This is a strange situation to be in. First question you have to ask yourself is are you 100% certain that they were having sex? Also, was your friend's mum aware that you were both seeing each other?

There isn't a lot that can be done in regards to your friend and her mum. All you can do is really wait for a response from your friend as she would probably be shocked and take it from there, I'm afraid.

As long as you're certain of what you heard, then don't let the mum or the guy you're seeing convince you otherwise. There's no guarantee how it'll affect your relationship(s) but I'd definitely steer clear of this guy and be wary about staying at your friend's mum's.


I am 100% sure. No she didn't know. Non of them did because he wanted to keep things quiete at first and I agreed because I wasn't sure about him yet. My friend is texting me fine and seems ok with me. That's the main thing.
Original post by HoneyBee67
Something horrible happened tonight.
I went to my best friends house for drinks. Her mum sat with us and had a couple of drinks and chatted with us. I have known this friend and her mother for more than 15 years (most of my life).
A couple of hours in, my friends boyfriend and his friend (a guy I have started seeing) came round had a few drinks with the three of us and chatted. It was settled that we would all stay over as it was too late (1am) to walk home alone.
When we went upstairs my friend and her boyfriend went into her room and I waited in the spare room expecting the guy I was seeing to join me.
I heard my friends mum say to the guy your coming in with me tonight. I couldn't believe it. I thourght about what I should do and I wanted to leave.
So I went to leave.
As I walked out the house I listened to the mums door (I know it's creepy but I needed to know otherwise I would always wonder) and I heard my friends mum having sex with the guy I'm seeing.
I left walked home and my friend called me asking why I left.
I told her what had happened. She was in shock not sure what to say.
Her boyfriend heard the convo and didn't believe his friend would have done that.
My friend told me her boyfriend was getting angry and wanted to go and talk to her downstairs.
We then hung up.
I hope they don't deny it. I hope my friends boyfriend Dosnt have a problem with me.
I hope this dosnt effect my relationship with my best friend :frown:
It will never be the same though I feel because I feel like I will never be able to go to her house (her mum will be there) I won't be able to hang out with them as a group anymore.
I am on the outside now even though I have done nothing.
This is so unfair how I do nothing, other people are so horrible and come out on top.
Does anyone have any advice on what to do?
I'm so upset and feel so betrayed.
I really don't want my relationship with my friend to be effected.


In the event that we are unable to prevent the onset of gangrene, oftentimes, amputation of the limb is necessary.

In the same way, if you cannot prevent the onset of "emotional gangrene" (i.e. awkwardness and embarassment with your friend) I'd be inclined to say it would be time to distance yourself, bow out and allow the friendship to fade out.

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