Original post by AnonymousFor the last year I have had a massive crush on this girl. I liked her from the moment I first interacted with her, she was exactly my type in every single way, she seemed very sweet and really cute. At first it was just a small crush but even though we only talked a handful of times I kept liking her more and more and more as I found out more about her. I started to think about her very often, I went on forums because I wanted to tell people about her and I really just wanted to share how much I liked her and how I felt and how amazing I thought he was. I started to do some things that I guess could be seen as creepy, first I began figuring out her timetable at school, were both 18 years old in final year at school and take different subjects ( I have no girls in my classes due I the subjects I took ), I would figure out what lesson h had come from by when and where I saw her in the corridor and then base the routes around school I took around that so I could see her in the corridor. Then I took it a step further, I realised she sometimes stays in the school library after school so I decided I would go every single day in hope of interacting with her and I have stuck with this and go to the library for atleast and hour, usually much longer every single day for the past 6 months even though in that entire time I've only spoke to her once when she's been there because I hoped it would happen again and I just wanted to do everything in my power to maximise the chances of talking to her.The next thing I did was I started taking an different route home once I figured out where she lived because I wanted to have a chance of talking with her then and I also come that route in the morning as we'll now and even though I have still yet to talk to her as a result of this I still do it because I get to look at her and see her hair and watch her walk which makes my heart feel all fluttery and butterflies everywhere. I have also developed a bit of an issue with her ex boyfriend, he cheated on her after just one month an thankfully she was self respecting enough to dump him but I can't get over how ****ing disgusting it is the way he treated her because I would literally do anything possible to be able to be in his position and it would make me so so so so happy just to be able to walk down the street with her and have her smile at me while we chat. I get flashbacks to seeing them both together and I just feel like I want to kill him I'm so angry and jealous (obviously I'm not gonna actually do anything stupid) but he realy isn't a nice guy at all, if it was a nice guy I could accept it and I would be very very jealous but at least I could get why she choose him but he just tricked her and I can't understand why she fell for it. He didnt appreciate her at all he just saw her as a girl to use and then throw in the trash once he'd gotten what he wanted but I would appreciate her so so so much and always remind her that she makes me the happiest person alive just by being near me. Also recently I heard him make a crude joke about her which angered me even more. Why do people who don't deserve these things get them when I've put tons of effort into trying to get somewhere with her but I'm very shy so I can't just talk to her out of the blue I need good excuses and it's hard to come up with stuff in the heat of the moment. Even though circumstance hasn't been kind to me for the most part about 5-6 months ago I had an absolute golden oppurtunity to ask her out or at least ask for her phone number, but I got tongue tied and very nervous, couldn't get the words out so I just said Hi then she smiled and said hi back and ran off because I was so nervous about askin for her phone number, I won't go into details but it was easily the best oppurtunity I had and with 6 weeks of school remaining before we never see each other again it's unlikely I'll get another one. As for the girl herself we'll obviously I think she is amazing but she really is one in a million, she sweet, kind, always smiley never grumpy or moody, she's a bit of nerd which I like and quite shy like me I guess lol and I think she is very very pretty as well. I adore lots of small details about her as well, I am crazy about her voice, sometimes I'll sit near her and one of her friends and just read a book but really I'm just listening to her talk because it the most amazing sound known to man and I get to know her better from listening to her conversations with others as I'm too shy to actually talk to her myself, (but I have talked to her a handful of times by only when I've seen a good oppurtunity). I like the way she walks and the clothes she wears, she dresses classy but really cute as well, I find it super adorable the way she dresses, I even like things like the way she chews her food, I was staring at her across the room while she was eating a sandwich and the way she did it seemed really graceful and I keep playing that moment back because it was really beautiful. I also replay the moment I mentioned previously back to myself over and over and over again because there's no one to blame but myself it that case for not asking for her number. I start to hate myself for being too shy to ask for it, I literally could be with a girl who it better than the girl of my dream because she's better than anything I could possibly imagine, if only I wasn't so pathetic and shy. It's gotten to the point know where I spend every waking moment fantasising about her, and dream about her every single night, I even cuddle my pillow and kiss it for ages while laying in bed falling asleep and whisper her name over an over again while doing it so it feels like I'm really with her. Sleeping is the part I my day I like the most because I get to be with her in my dreams. I won't go on any longer even though there's more I want to say about her but basically there's like 2 month left of school till it ends forever and I have to grow up and get a job and I like her so so much, obviously if I get and oppurtunity where I can ask her out I will go for it but it seems unlikely that will happen so should I just try my hardest to enjoy seeing her for the final times or should I get over her completely before it all ends. I feel like the last day is gonna hurt like mad because I don't get to see her anymore, and honestly I am satisfied with just pining over her from a far and getting my daily dose of looking at her but soon I can't even do that. Obviously I'd love to do more like date her but if life could stay like this forever id be ok with that. I feel I'm never gonna meet someone else I like as much as I like her and I've blown my one chance at happiness