Coping with the loss of a parent as a 16 y/o...AMA

I remember how hard it was for me too, i hadn't seen my mum for over a week when I was told the news - the moment, that moment when I was told, I'd never experienced anything like it and nor would I wish that experience on anyone. The gut wrenching heart ache and the inability to process what is real or not. I remember standing and I just couldn't stand, it's like my legs just gave out from under me. I just felt numb it was like an 'out of body' experience, I could see myself and how I was reacting and I couldn't move. I remember going to see her before the burial, entering through these large steel doors and seeing this body covered with fabric and was told it was my mother.

Before her death, she was really ill. She was also severely depressed and wasn't the same person she once was. She was very ill and had a major heart surgery and complications arose. And well.. something had gone very wrong where she was pronounced brain dead and the only thing keeping her alive was the machine that literally pumped the life into her. I've never really shared this before and I remember during that time I was alone, my family were with my mother were all at the specialist hospital (which was a couple of hours away) leaving me sent to go live with different relatives that I barely knew.

Seeing these moments on t.v you never think twice, you never think that you'd be that person mourning someone close to you. I remember the cloth was removed revealing her face and how I was just frozen, I was so scared in that moment seeing her face so calm and peaceful with a ghost of a smile; I felt haunted. In that moment she wasn't ill, she was depressed, she was the mother I once knew who looked so carefree before her depression. Sometimes I think back to this moment and think how I wish I got to spend more time with her and how I wish I was there holding her hand til her last breath or how I wish I remembered the last conversation we had together, but sadly I don't. I overheard the news of my mother's death from a phone call and from there everything was a blur.

Even now to this day, I still can't quite believe it it's as though every time I hear the key in lock turn I feel like she'll be back, like she's just gone on holiday- but maybe I'm denial. But staring at her face in that room, it seemed fake thinking it was all a big joke like everyone was going to jump out but then I was told 'to say my goodbyes' to her, but I remember shaking my head trying to form the word 'no' and even now I look back at that moment and wish I had the courage to kiss her cheek one last time.

The only way I cope is to try and forget to pretend it ever happened because when I do let myself think that there is even a little possibility that it's true then I'll lose it. The only thing I remember very clearly was when I found out that's when I had a panic attack.

I honestly think you're very brave. I told you my story because I wanted you to know unlike me you have people to help you through this. I remember going to school, I didn't cry, I didn't want to be 'weak' so I didn't cry at all- nothing. It was like a numb feeling all over, I tried to act normal at school thinking it could keep my mind off of it but somehow people found out. I thought they'd be understanding. I remember people accusing me of lying about my mother's death and how it was all for attention and there was even this one girl who asked me 'didn't you love your mother? why aren't you crying?' and then other people spread rumours around like how there was something wrong with me and even how her death was my fault.

This is just to show you, even though I had no one who understood what I went through or was there for me I still made it through - even if I'm still in denial. Everyone has their own way of coping and if feel you don't have anyone whose there for you through this difficult time then I'm here to be that person who wasn't there when I needed someone.

As the title says, I recently lost my mum. Talking about it does me good, and will help others too. I know there is already a sticky thread about bereavement but this is specifically for the loss of parents. Anyone else out there going through this hell? If anyone has any questions feel free to ask. Here to support everyone xx

My father died during 2010, when I was 12. We never had a bond as close as yours, though. Did you and your mother speak quite often about feelings and things, connecting a lot, emotionally?

Hi, first of all I'd like to pass on my condolences to you. I suppose we had a typical mother-daughter relationship and I told her anything and everything, she was my confidant. I'm finding it hard though, as a 16 y/o who was a mummy's girl, its difficult to talk to my dad but we're getting closer and building our relationship. Is that the case with your mum? xx

That's so sweet. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I couldn't cope if I lost mine.

Not at all, we aren't overly close. We speak, but aren't too close. My mother is very busy and rarely sits down to talk. I never got along with my dad, but I do with mum. We just don't talk often. I usually stay silent irl.

Awh fair enough, everyone is different I suppose. just make sure you tell her when you're sad okay? or tell someone at least xx

I'll have to ponder it. I don't tend to talk about it because people dislike listening. But I shall do, thank you. And same for you. Xx

Hey you know where I am if you ever wanna chat or vent xx

As the title says, I recently lost my mum. Talking about it does me good, and will help others too. I know there is already a sticky thread about bereavement but this is specifically for the loss of parents. Anyone else out there going through this hell? If anyone has any questions feel free to ask. Here to support everyone xx

any advice for those of us who still have both parents but take them for granted?