What do I do about my situation?

I'm with someone I don't want to be with. Someone I don't feel a spark with.

I'm lonely and I sometimes enjoy their company and if I end things, I will have no one to speak with, but I know I'm wasting their time as there is no future for us.

I'm a very shy, non confrontational person, so I have no idea how to gather the courage to end things. I've never broke up with anyone before. How do I do it?

Reply 1

Miss Maddie

Original post by damonireturns

"You're a nice boy and I know you will meet the right girl for you one day but I'm not the girl for you. We can be friendly but I am not feeling this relationship thing. We should break up."

text, email, letter.

Original post by Madeline_H95

"You're a nice boy and I know you will meet the right girl for you one day but I'm not the girl for you. We can be friendly but I am not feeling this relationship thing. We should break up."

Good luck with that, i'd rather someone bluntly tell me how and why otherwise i'd be left with the nagging thought of 'What the hell?'

Reply 4

Miss Maddie

Original post by whorace

Good luck with that, i'd rather someone bluntly tell me how and why otherwise i'd be left with the nagging thought of 'What the hell?'

Sometimes there is no detailed why. There are just people who are nice enough but if there is not that spark there that makes you look at them in a sexual way then a relationship is never going to work.

Reply 5

Legendary Quest

Original post by mkap

text, email, letter.

That's brutal. Don't do this. Do it to his face. Just say it. Let it all out, girl.

Reply 6

whorace

Original post by Madeline_H95

I don't think there is a spark, in the initial stages maybe coupled with a bit of lust but once you get comfortable with someone you shouldn't feel like that, actually there's research saying it's physically impossible to sustain those levels of interest.

Reply 7

mkap

Original post by Legendary Quest

That's brutal. Don't do this. Do it to his face. Just say it. Let it all out, girl.

yeah ik its brutal. i was being sarcy lol :tongue:

Reply 8

999tigger

If you are friends then just tell him its not working for you, but youd like to stay friends. As above do it by email or letter, but face to face or on the phone is better.
If its not working, its not. It to his benefit as well.

There are charities that deal with shyness, also even dating sites. generally enjoy doing the things that make you happy and take small steps.

I think mkap has a point. If the shyness is paralysing then a letter can deall with it, she could just hand it him with the reasons, but herself tell him its not working.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 9

Legendary Quest

Original post by mkap

yeah ik its brutal. i was being sarcy lol :tongue:

Oh, sorry haha. Didn't realise :biggrin:

Reply 10

mkap

Original post by Legendary Quest

Oh, sorry haha. Didn't realise :biggrin:

lol dont be sorry, i should have put it in the spoiler, break up by text is horrible, its happened to me before. dont see why people cant say it face to face :cry:

Reply 11

Miss Maddie

Original post by whorace

You just havent found the right person. There are elderly people who have been married for 60 years who still wake up with fuzzy feelings in their tummy as they role over to cuddle up with the significant other - that's love.

Reply 12

whorace

Original post by Madeline_H95

I strongly disagree and would love to know how you know about the mental process of these elderly people.

Reply 13

Legendary Quest

Original post by mkap

lol dont be sorry, i should have put it in the spoiler, break up by text is horrible, its happened to me before. dont see why people cant say it face to face :cry:

Yeah, it really is. I don't understand why it can't be said to the persons face. I know it's difficult but come on. That's heartless. I mean, you don't just wake up one day and say 'eh, I'm tired of my bf/gf. Next person!'.. They must have thought about it for some time :frown:

Reply 14

Miss Maddie

Original post by whorace

I strongly disagree and would love to know how you know about the mental process of these elderly people.

There was a documentary on TV five or so years ago exploring the attitudes of various generations to sex and that is what the old couples suggested in a survey conducted.

Reply 15

whorace

Original post by Madeline_H95

There was a documentary on TV five or so years ago exploring the attitudes of various generations to sex and that is what the old couples suggested in a survey conducted.

I'd trust the science of
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Haidt over a TV documentary probably selling an idea of love by lobbyists.

Reply 16

Miss Maddie

Original post by whorace

I'd trust the science of
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Haidt over a TV documentary probably selling an idea of love by lobbyists.

You're happy to ignore his critics for 'science'

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 17

whorace

Original post by Madeline_H95

You're happy to ignore his critics for 'science'

Every scientist in the world has critics look at global warming, relativity, evolution, you also ignored the fact the only criticism on that page doesn't even talk about his views of love, rather they talk about his chapter on religious experience.