I need the strength to let go of him for good

Hi everyone :smile:

I am in a very painful situation right now with a FWB situation. I know for a fact that I need to let him go but it's so difficult. I am quite introverted and have never trusted people very much so I have my short list of close friends who I tend to hold onto tightly, and he happens to be one of them. Even though I know what needs to be done I am so worried that I will feel isolated and lonely, especially since I am depression prone.

I have asked him to leave me alone a couple of times and would go for around a month without talking to him. He would act understanding and always seemed to think that I was just asking for space and that it was temporary. I would always come back because I missed him too much and being distant made me even more miserable. What scares me is if I tell him that I'm ending things for good, then when I'm really sad, lonely and missing him I won't be able to go back. I will wonder how he's doing, whether he got that job or car that he wanted and so many other stuff but will never be able to ask him.

At one time when I took a break from him I met someone else who I was totally infatuated with for a few weeks. Someone who would be on my mind all the time and who I spent hours upon hours chatting with and who seemed really into me. But eventually being hung up on this FWB killed these feelings. I really need to move on with my life, I want this to stop. He has made me cry more times than I can count, even though it's unintentional.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Another thing I would like to add is the reason this is causing me so much pain is because it nearly always feels like he doesn't care enough, not as much as I do. He claims to care about me a lot and have feelings for me but actions speak louder than words. He talks to me about pretty much everything, about his worries, all the things that have upset him, what made him happy today and I'm always there to listen. On the other hand I don't feel like I can talk to him about the important stuff. I told him once about my depression and he changed the subject. I have travelled for hours to visit him, knowing deep down that he probably wouldn't do the same for me. I have been feeling like a used doormat lately.

Reply 2

kbisgrove

Hey,

From what i've read you seem quite confused on what you want. Depression isn't great to go through so maybe you should take time to think about it and speak to him about it and let him know how you feel. Because maybe having him around actually is better than breaking up with him, and may help your depression rather than being alone.

Hope this helps!

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by kbisgrove

I definitely want to keep him around because despite everything I do love him.

I just don't feel that it's realistic when he's a major source of my pain hurting me more and more.

Reply 4

kbisgrove

Original post by Anonymous

I definitely want to keep him around because despite everything I do love him.

I just don't feel that it's realistic when he's a major source of my pain hurting me more and more.

Okay, well in that case, if you have thought it through then maybe breaking up completely is a good idea. But, this would mean you can't take him back whenever you feel like it. It's not fair on both of you to play with emotions. When you break up with someone it helps to cut all form of contact. As hard as it is to let go, you need to cut all form of contact from him. My ex broke up with me because of anxiety and it hurts to know that we broke up because of it, but if this guy loves you enough, he will understand your reasons for breaking up.

Reply 5

username47781

This doesn't sound healthy, looks a classic friends with benefits where someone wants more and the other person doesn't.

Reply 6

999tigger

Just move on. Cut contact because thats the fastest way to heal up, When you contact him again you resume your dependency and go right back to the beginning.
maybe you cna work on doing other activities which keep you busy and you come into contact with different people. It will also give you more confidence and if you enjoy yourself doing things by yourself, then it makes you feel more confident and less lonely.

You need to go your differnt ways, if you wnat to find the new you and maybe down the road someone else who is more compatible. Dont do this surrogate dependent relationship thing with your ex, it just drags on.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Rock Fan

This doesn't sound healthy, looks a classic friends with benefits where someone wants more and the other person doesn't.

Original post by 999tigger

True, I just need that extra push that will make me walk away from this. I know for a fact that he will bring me more pain and sadness if I keep him in my life.

Reply 8

Alfed

Is there anything you dislike about him or your find disgusting about him? Which can make you lose your feelings for him. Also I have had depression recently and before in the past. If you ever want to talk to someone about it, then please PM me. I am a good listener and I could maybe help you. :smile:

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Alfed

There are things that I dislike about him...to be honest I don't even know why I'm clinging to something that I'm getting nothing out of. Thanks though :smile: