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Can I find a balance to strict parents, studying and a boyfriend?

Hi guys,

So this has been an ongoing problem for me and I finally want to hear opinions and views on this seriously.
I'm Asian, so my parents are quite strict as you can imagine, but they're not that extreme; they let me go out with friends, wear and buy what I like etc, but what they're very strict about is education and boys.

Recently, I have a boyfriend who my parents might know about (not sure on this) but basically I'm having trouble coping with my parents saying that all I do is concentrate on guys and parties and everything, and they have been saying this a lot recently because I'm at the risk of getting rejections for my uni applications for Medicine. Another reason is because I had sex with another guy (my ex) and they found out and it's kind of a taboo in our culture so.. yeah. I do study a lot and I'm trying to get their trust again by doing well and securing a place at uni, but it's also taken a toll on my personal/love life. They are kind of over the sex thing but still bring it up once in a while.

My boyfriend is very supportive and he's very good for me, but I do admit I can get distracted at times too and I can see it does affect my studies quite a lot. I do express this to him quite often, but today I've talked to him about my doubts on this relationship, and I do this quite often because I get worried from time to time (because of studies, and also thinking about our future together, maybe long-distance) and he's kind of given me time, a few weeks, for me to properly decide on breaking up with him or not; it's my decision.

So I'm finding it really difficult to balance my studies and keep my parents happy because I really love them a lot and want them to be happy, no doubt. But my boyfriend is also honestly so sweet and leaving him would be difficult. I also have this other worry too, it's kind of stupid, but I wonder whether he is the right guy for me to spend long-term with. Obviously I'm only 18 and young and although we both want it to be a long-term serious relationship, I always have doubts on whether we can make it work with long-distance, whether we'll find other people, and whether we're really compatible for each other.
He says that he wants to do all this with me, but I can't really convince myself to completely go forward, putting faith on a relationship that may or may not work out.

Sorry I know this is long, but this is basically what I wanted to say, and it feels good to type it out. But can someone please give me some advice as to what to do? And can it be possible with juggling both parents, studying and having a boyfriend to wait for me?

Thanks so much, any help is appreciated. xx

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Original post by whorace
Kill your parents


Very sensible advice
:colone:
Reply 2
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Anonymous #1
OP
Please take this thread seriously, I am actually having trouble with this :frown:
Reply 3
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whorace
2
Original post by Anonymous
Please take this thread seriously, I am actually having trouble with this :frown:


You're already thinking about ditching your boyfriend. The answer is staring you in the face, dump him and appease your parents until uni
Your parents don't sound that strict tbh.

Get good grades then leave for uni. Put up with it for now. Your bf won't get you to uni. Textbooks will.
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Original post by whorace
You're already thinking about ditching your boyfriend. The answer is staring you in the face, dump him and appease your parents until uni


Haha no I get you but I do really like him and see a future with him, but I'm asking on whether I can find a balance, and also whether LDRs can work out :smile:
I can understand what you mean,
but I'm not sure what to say tbh:redface:
I mean he sounds amazing and understanding but only you know if you could handle both your studies and a relationship since you're applying for medicine it might be hard but i do think that you could do both tbh
how about you give each other a break and maybe after your exams you will feel like you could carry on?
as for parents, trust me people have it worse just respect them they are your parents after all
good luck:h:
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Original post by Legendary Quest
Your parents don't sound that strict tbh.

Get good grades then leave for uni. Put up with it for now. Your bf won't get you to uni. Textbooks will.


Hm yeah I guess so. But I still do like him and kind of want to stay with him, is that bad? Or should I just focus on my studies now and leave him
Reply 8
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whorace
2
Original post by Anonymous
Haha no I get you but I do really like him and see a future with him, but I'm asking on whether I can find a balance, and also whether LDRs can work out :smile:


LDRs are awful tbf, some can make them work but I don't think they are anywhere near as satisfying as a close relationship. You can find a balance between study and boyfriend easily with a bit of communication, just agree to spend less time with him or have a date night once a week or something.
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Original post by Ishea16
I can understand what you mean,
but I'm not sure what to say tbh:redface:
I mean he sounds amazing and understanding but only you know if you could handle both your studies and a relationship since you're applying for medicine it might be hard but i do think that you could do both tbh
how about you give each other a break and maybe after your exams you will feel like you could carry on?
as for parents, trust me people have it worse just respect them they are your parents after all
good luck:h:


Thank you, that's very helpful; I was kind of thinking the same thing too I just wanted to have another person say it so I sound rational :wink:
Original post by whorace
LDRs are awful tbf, some can make them work but I don't think they are anywhere near as satisfying as a close relationship. You can find a balance between study and boyfriend easily with a bit of communication, just agree to spend less time with him or have a date night once a week or something.


Great thank you, I'll consider that too :smile: I think I'll decide maybe nearer the time after exams in the summer
Original post by Anonymous
Hm yeah I guess so. But I still do like him and kind of want to stay with him, is that bad? Or should I just focus on my studies now and leave him


Do what whorace said above. Find a balance but keep your priorities straight. Consider meeting up with him as a treat. Your work comes first and bf second.

I do find it rather interesting that you said you 'kind of' want to stay with him. Only 'kind of'. That says a lot.
If you are thinking about breaking up a relationship you may as well go ahead and do it.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you, that's very helpful; I was kind of thinking the same thing too I just wanted to have another person say it so I sound rational :wink:


lol I would of said great minds think alike
but I'm not too sure these days:rolleyes:
btw will your bf agree to this break?
good luck I want to apply for medicine as well next year
hope you get in :h:
Original post by Anonymous
Hm yeah I guess so. But I still do like him and kind of want to stay with him, is that bad? Or should I just focus on my studies now and leave him



Many people look back and regret investing so much time in teen relationships.

May sound harsh but I would axe him, get really good grades and then enjoy myself at uni away from said parents.

:wink:
Original post by Ishea16
lol I would of said great minds think alike
but I'm not too sure these days:rolleyes:
btw will your bf agree to this break?
good luck I want to apply for medicine as well next year
hope you get in :h:


Yeah he said he will, but only if it's not a fling for the summer. He wants to make it a long term relationship. And I would like to as well, but as others usually say, LDRs are tough and you meet other people. I don't want to waste my time and his if we're going to only commit to it for like a few weeks or months :/
Original post by Ishea16
lol I would of said great minds think alike
but I'm not too sure these days:rolleyes:
btw will your bf agree to this break?
good luck I want to apply for medicine as well next year
hope you get in :h:


Oh yeah and thanks! Hope you get in too next year, best of luck xx
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah he said he will, but only if it's not a fling for the summer. He wants to make it a long term relationship. And I would like to as well, but as others usually say, LDRs are tough and you meet other people. I don't want to waste my time and his if we're going to only commit to it for like a few weeks or months :/


yh LDRs are hard but it sounds like you dont believe the relationship will work
and if that's true then definitely stop leading him and end it because its going to only hurt him and you more later
Original post by stefano865
Many people look back and regret investing so much time in teen relationships.

May sound harsh but I would axe him, get really good grades and then enjoy myself at uni away from said parents.
:wink:


Oh yeah I understand you I have considered that too. Scared of wasting my time :/ but thank you x
Original post by Ishea16
yh LDRs are hard but it sounds like you dont believe the relationship will work
and if that's true then definitely stop leading him and end it because its going to only hurt him and you more later


Yeah that's very true.. But he did tell that he doesn't care if it'll end later at uni, it's just that he prefers that we don't have a set date to end the relationship like end of summer. But Hm I also don't want to hurt him and I've said this to him but I'll try to talk to him soon

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