Am I forever doomed?

So, im a 25 year old man. I've never had a proper girlfriend before, and im starting to worry about why, and if its holding me back that I dont know how the whole relationship thing works. I thought id add in that a) im not a virgin b) im not ugly....like im not brad pitt either. id say im 6 or 7 out of 10 if im being honest with myself, carrying a little bit round the middle too, just a belly, nothing huge!

I consider myself a nice guy (yep one of those...) and usually get ripped apart by most women. rejection used to destroy me, now it just doesnt surprise me any more. it has developed me an impressively thick skin now which im quite happy about to be honest. im not down or depressed about it, just thinking what the hell is wrong, why me? I dress alright (when i want to...), i make people laugh, i have amazing friends and family and am close to graduating with a degree and have been offered an amazing grad role.....i should be a total catch?

but i do sometimes get nervous around women. not to the point where i freeze and cant talk, to the point where i dont feel like i make the best impressions and show them who i really am. can be a bit guilty of coming on strong sometimes. not like stalker weirdo level, more like im excited i met you kind of thing! I have so many amazing friends and family and feel that sometimes it almost holds me back in a weird way, because im so happy with life most of the time.....

help please? starting to think il die alone...all i want to do is meet a girl who likes me and that i can take care of! whats wrong with me?

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Reply 1

phunky_fresh

Have you tried online dating?

Reply 2

cosmicstarbeast

Sounds like you have problems controlling your emotions in certain situations.

Reply 3

LonelyDemon

Just talk to girls like they're your friends. Girls like it you're honest about how you feel, I recommend online dating or as your grade role maybe meet girls around then, ask friends to help set you up on dates or be your wingman/woman.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by phunky_fresh

Have you tried online dating?

Yes, actually. It always seems to fizzle out.... Ive been seeing 3 different girls through online dating since January. All 'fizzled' haha...

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by cosmicstarbeast

Sounds like you have problems controlling your emotions in certain situations.

It might seem that way, yeah. Sometimes im a brick wall and nothing gets to me, other times there are a few internal issues, yes

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by LonelyDemon

I kind of feel like im too honest though? All girls seem to want is this sensitive/caring/honest gentleman type....which ive been told by a lot of people i fit into. But here i am, 25 years single! Its just confusing for me thats all. I have been the 'nearly' guy so many times in the past, incredibly frustrating. I have moved a lot too with a placement and never get to settle somewhere for more than 9-12 months at a time.

Reply 7

cvslfc123

I'm in a similar position to you my friend. I'm 24 and have never had a proper relationship and was a virgin until January this year. I started online dating last year and earlier this year I met an amazing girl who I hit it off with and dated for a few weeks. Unfortunately as I was new to dating I made the fatal mistake of lying as I stupidly told her I'd had girlfriends before and wasn't a virgin. When she found out the truth she dropped me without giving me a second chance and that has destroyed me mentally. It's been over 2 months since it happened and the pain still lingers. As much as I want to believe I will find someone else, I'm finding hard to see it happening and that scares me.

Reply 8

KissMyAbs

Post pics and we shall review.

Reply 9

user382

Original post by cvslfc123

Shouldn't have lied but that does sound a bit drastic.

Surprised she wasn't a little more sympathetic tbh. :s-smilie:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by KissMyAbs

Post pics and we shall review.

Glady show you if there was a way to not become un-anonymous

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by cvslfc123

Yeah it can be hard, I know your pain.... I have been let down a few times in the past and its happened so many times it just doesn't hurt much now. More confusion to be honest! I always find meeting another nice girl helps you forget the last. I just cant seem to make one stick haha!

Reply 12

KissMyAbs

Original post by Anonymous

Glady show you if there was a way to not become un-anonymous

Make another account and post on here.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by KissMyAbs

Make another account and post on here.

Im not going to be posting a picture of my face on this forum, or any other for that matter, wether its from this account or another. Its anonymous for a reason.

Reply 14

KissMyAbs

Original post by Anonymous

Im not going to be posting a picture of my face on this forum, or any other for that matter, wether its from this account or another. Its anonymous for a reason.

Well we can only assume you're not attractive enough.

Reply 15

WhimsicalSloth

I cannot speak for all women of course, but for the most part I would assume that the whole 'coming on too quickly' thing with some girls might come across as a sign of a lack of confidence, which might put them off. But that is only an assumption and not every woman is the same :smile:

it depends upon many things during social situations as well.

That being said it would really help if you could give an example of a time when you did approach someone and you were turned down, but in more specific detail. Talk to me if you need to though as I'd love to help :smile:

just don't beat yourself up about it as there is really no need to- better to wait for the right person than to rush into something that makes you unhappy in the long run.

Reply 16

cvslfc123

Original post by stefano865

Shouldn't have lied but that does sound a bit drastic.

Surprised she wasn't a little more sympathetic tbh. :s-smilie:

Yeah the whole thing was confusing. I lied to her because she started talking about sex before we had even met in person (she was from Tinder) and I felt that if I told her the truth at that point it would have made things awkward. I guess as it was all new to me I just got caught up with it all and didn't tell her the truth until it was too late. When I did tell her the truth she seemed to be OK with it and accepted my apologies. It was only when I left hers and got back home that she changed her tone and dumped me on Whatsapp, saying things like "I don't think I can trust you now" and "I can't deal with liars". When no one has ever said things like that to you before it hurts man! Now it feels like she has taken permanent residence in my head and won't leave!

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by KissMyAbs

Well we can only assume you're not attractive enough.

Well if i was to return the compliment and make assumptions about you then id say those are not your abs, you base your opinion solely on the way you someone looks which is wholly shallow, and that you ask 25 year old men on the internet for their mug shot. Il take the unattractive instead. My old man warned me about people like you when I was younger.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by WhimsicalSloth

just don't beat yourself up about it as there is really no need to- better to wait for the right person than to rush into something that makes you unhappy in the long run.

Hmm, yeah i can be unconfident sometimes. Not usually in myself though, other people! Ok, well i was recently seeing this girl. We went out twice, lots of kissing at the end of both dates, was going reeeally well. She all of a sudden said she felt smothered which out of the blue was very weird as she was happy to be in my face sending a text back every 5 minutes too. It was totally a 2 way thing. This was a few days after our second date and she said she was feeling stressed about work in leading up to this statement and that she wanted a hug and my response was to try arrange a 3rd date so i could cheer her up and take her mind off it all. She didnt respond too well and I said id leaver her to it, said i also needed my space too to focus on uni work for a bit. 2 days later i messaged her, she came out with i need my space still. Forgot about it, messaged again about 6/7 days later, she replied within 10 minutes and things seemed ok again. Didnt reply to my text after a about 10-15 texts later and ive not spoke to her since. They all seem to be like this..... Just do that 'fizzle' thing.

Its so confusing....I'm just puzzled why they all go this way. Am I too nice? Does this treat them mean stuff really work, because i dont think its in my nature to do that.

And thanks for showing interest :smile:

Reply 19

phunky_fresh