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We have feelings for each other, but can't be together... help?

Hey,

My friend and I are incredibly close. We've both admitted feelings with each other, I feel smitten with them, but due to circumstances outside of our control (I can't give them what they want within sexual desires) we could and never will be together.

It's hard when in every other circumstance it'd be great - we understand each other, etc. I'm just not sure how to move on from here.

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Reply 1

phunky_fresh

Why do you keep referring to the person as ''them"?

There isn't much that can be said. I can't really give you advice based on what you've written since your post is pretty vague.

Reply 2

anosmianAcrimony

Original post by phunky_fresh

Why do you keep referring to the person as ''them"?

To keep things gender-neutral for both parties, I would guess.

Original post by phunky_fresh

There isn't much that can be said. I can't really give you advice based on what you've written since your post is pretty vague.

Agree with you here. Not much advice can be given with this little to work with.

Reply 3

blackcurrent101

Original post by Anonymous

if youve accepted that then you probs shouldnt be together

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by phunky_fresh

Why do you keep referring to the person as ''them"?

There isn't much that can be said. I can't really give you advice based on what you've written since your post is pretty vague.

To keep it neutral.

What information do you need?
They have a strong inclination toward a certain 'way of life' within a relationship, which I can not give to them, therefore we cannot be together. I want to know how I can move on. Knowing this is the reason we're not together (because I am unwilling to give them what they want) despite the fact that in all other areas we work great is hard. If they didn't like me back, if they weren't attracted to me sexually, emotionally, etc, it'd be a lot easier.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ishea16

if youve accepted that then you probs shouldnt be together

I'm not saying I think we should - I'm asking how we can both move on because it's becoming a toxic situation

Reply 6

blackcurrent101

Original post by Anonymous

I'm not saying I think we should - I'm asking how we can both move on because it's becoming a toxic situation

i know what you mean.
you just get used to it, it gets easier :redface:

you just need to avoid him and everything that reminds you of him
put your mind somewhere else
good luck x

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 7

Masathat

You can talk more detail about the relasionship between you and your friend, about the problems that you faced with. Thank to this information, I and many people will give you some advises for this problem.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Currently in exactly the same boat here- you are not alone!
I haven't really found anything immediate that will help as I still want to retain the incredibly close friendship. However I have found that accepting your feelings (trying to suppress them just pushes you back further) is the best course and then it's just having patience to know you will move on in time and meet someone else.
I know it's very difficult when you think how perfect you could be together, but this needs to be treated like any other thing that would stop you having a relationship (e.g. they're in a relationship, sexuality etc) as you cannot go forward trying to rely on 'what if's.

I think what I was trying to say along with the tangent was it will take time. At the moment your emotions are raw and very elevated and they will subside with time. If you start thinking about them in any way other than a friend, stop yourself as soon as you can. You've still got your friendship and you are no longer in the dark about how the other feels. I know it hurts but it's better than not knowing.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Oh, and I forgot to say- treat him like a normal friend or how you were before (former is preferred!). Try and go back to normal if you can as long as there was no flirting etc. beyond the friendly stuff

Reply 10

BWV1007

Continue being friends as normal for a month or so. If you find it hard to forget about your feelings, it might be best to cut him/her off. I know it sounds sad, but if you really can't be together and you still have feelings for each other, it'd be better for your mental-being to separate ways. :frown:

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

Are you asexual then?

Original post by Anonymous

Any updates?

Get yourself another man lol. The only other thing u can do really is to distract yourself completely from him (which includes cutting him from your life) and time.

Reply 14

Anonymous #5

I'm in the same scenario at the moment with a girl who I've been talking to for the past 18 months.
She turned to me on the back of a break-up and I helped support her through it, even though she wanted me to go up there for a bit of fun...

The problem I'm at now though is that I really like her as more than just a friend but she doesn't like me in the same way... she only sees me as a best friend and as someone who she doesn't want to lose for the rest of her life.

It hurts so much knowing that we don't feel the same about each other and I really wanted to take things to the next level with her but she won't even do that...

Reply 15

Anonymous #6

If you've admitted you can't be together, then I guess you won't be, and so it's just better to move on as it can get even more toxic for the reason you've stated. How you move on is personal and no one can give you a step by step manual for that, it's based on your own instincts if that makes any sense. You can still be friends, if you can cope, but that might just make you more inclined to give in to them. I sympathise, but I also think you should just not think about relationships for now, don't feel pressurised into getting into one just because you couldn't with 'them'. You'll know when you've found 'the one'. Lol that got cheesy but just wait and see how things unfold.

Reply 16

Anonymous #6

I understand the pain, but it's also true that they don't necessarily have to like you back and that's okay. You'll find someone else, possibly even better so don't lose hope!

Original post by Anonymous

Reply 17

mollieking12345

Original post by Anonymous

i know how you fell i have similar issues there is no point in loving someone when it cant be true

Reply 18

noimnoturaverage

I think you need to focus on the problem … you cant give him/her their sexual desires .. why is that idk maybe your scared so this is something you have to work through together if your connection is so strong getting through this shouldn behard … also sorry if im jumping to conclusions but dude if all he wants is sex move on

Original post by Anonymous

Reply 19

_LiviaXx

A quick little thing:
I had a friend who I really liked and was very close to. She wasn’t sure if she liked girls, but I was very happy to play along as long as I got her around more. After a while it was really stressful for me: she was still great fun but kept changing her mind. When we settled on off, it was really hard for me. My advice would be take a break- don’t cut yourself off completely, just spend less time with them and more with other people. Don’t wish you never had feelings or that they didn’t have feelings- I know that may be hard but it does get easier as it gets easier to accept that you won’t/ can’t be a thing.
If you still want it, try it romantically? Without specifics I don’t know what you mean about the sex stuff, and I’m not gonna ask because that’s private. If you really want it you could probably work around it. Good luck tho babes, you deserve happiness. Xx

Original post by Anonymous