IBD and me

Should have commented on your latest post earlier

But I like it especially the 'so you're short, but who cares'

Can't remember if I've showed you this vine before but you might like it.

Hope you're enjoying your holidays (or lack thereof )

that moment when you're in year 13, didn't even apply to uni and still have no idea what you wanna do

Awwie nooo!! Why haven't you applied to uni yet?

well mainly cos i got BBC and was predicted BBB
but also bc i have no idea what i wanna do maybe chem? idk man

Ooo chem is good. Which other subjects are you taking?

x

Aspirations, Goals and the Future
So far, all I’ve spoken about is who I am and what I suffer from. This blogpost will be on what I aspire to be and how I won’t let what Ihave hinder me. Special thanks to Ethereal World for giving me this idea.

So firstly, education. I am a 16 year old, yr 12 studentstudying Maths, Physics, Chemistry and Engineering (worth 2 A-Levels) for A2. Passed my GCSEs with flying colours and am now doing the subjects I wanted todo. My school isn’t the best, is fairly new and quite unorganised. But that’s okay as long as I’m getting the grades and support I need, that’s all that counts. I’ve not yet begun stressing about upcoming exams and trying to ensurethat I don’t stress out because I can’t afford to. I would hopefully like to do Aerospace Engineering at university, but if I’m honest, I am beginning to change my mind about what I may do because health wise, things aren’t going great atm. Maybe considering anapprenticeship, but still don’t know as of yet. That’s really bad. I’m already in Year 12 and should have an idea on what I want to do in the future. But oh wellsies. The universities I would like to apply to are Southampton, Bristol, Nottingham, Leicester and Queen Mary’s London. Four of the five unis are out of London because I really want to experience university life – and hearing from my sisters, sounds pretty epic. These universities that I have applied to also require high grades, three of which wants an A*AA (Southampton, Nottingham andBristol), hence I’ve applied to two lower requirement universities just in caseI don’t get the grades.

My aspirational grades are quite big headed, and I reallywant to get A*AA with a D*D in Engineering. Quite hefty aspirational grades, inaddition to the fact that these are the predicted grades given to me by myteachers. My teachers know of my condition and know that I need to get all the help that I can get in order to achieve those grades, and are willing to helpme in any way possible – which reminds me that I need to say a massive thankyou to my teachers for having to put up with my complaining, tears and continuously walking out of class (which I feel kinda bad about because I thinkit’s rude to walk out when somebody’s talking). They say I ‘enjoy’ annoyingthem because I always out my hand up when I want to leave class, even though they always tell me to walk out – even if I find it rude haha.

A friend and I have made this plan together about ‘thrashing’fellow classmates in terms of what grades we get. Doesn’t seem very nice, but it’sthe only way to motivate us to get the grades we want. He does only Engineering, Maths and Physics, whereas I also do Chemistry. For my AS exams, I’m hoping to get an AAB (B in Chemistry), and am already doing well in myengineering (got distinctions in the three units I have fully completed).

I’m trying my very hardest to remain well – by making sure I take my medication the correct number of times, by ensuring I tell my doctorabout all of the problems I am getting so that I can get a solution to it assoon as possible, by actually talking to people instead of letting thoughts buildup inside me and BECOME MORE OPTIMISTIC ABOUT LIFE. I did exactly this otherday. I got home on Tuesday and I broke down in tears. I don’t know why, I justdid. So I messaged my friend (the same friend as mentioned above) and I said:

‘I hate being unwell. So many things are going on and I just want it to stop but there’s no point in wanting something when you know you’renot gonna get it. I’m trying to live with it and smile but then you hit a pointwhere you just break down, and I’ve hit that point and feel like screaming myhead off. I’m just sick of being sick and I hate the fact that it’s not gonna stop. I’ve been psychologically scarred and it’s killing me inside’

I keep telling myself to stop ranting because I have to live with what I have, but I know that’s never going to happen because everything happened at such a young age. Nobody, and I mean nobody has the mental capacity to handle so much going on at once at that age – and if you can, well hats off to you, I wanna know your secret! Haha :/ (I really need to stop complaining lmao).Anyway, his reply to that message was:

‘(my name), we all have our problems. Some bigger than others. And the only way to live with them is to understand and appreciate whatwe do have. And I see where you’re coming from. About always being ill. But tbhyou’re a great person with a great sense of humour so don’t let this make youfeel down… we are gonna have ups and downs. And this is a down, but ravioli (he found out I have TSR lmao that was too funny and hence why I removed my profilepicture!) you’re strong and even though you’re ill you’re gonna learn how tolive with it with more ease in the long run. Keep strong and remember you have fantastic friends’.

I’ve never taken this friend so seriously before, and so Ididn’t know what his response would be at the time, but I did know that he was(and still is) one of the very few friends that I could talk to about ANYTHING.Literally, ANYTHING. And he knows that too. I really wanted to give him a hug on Wednesday, but a lot of people don’t know that we talk quite a bit, plus Idon’t hang around with his friends and vice versa. I am such an idiot for not even already thinking about what he said. I’ve been so pessimistic that I never appreciated what I already had. Family. Friends. Help. I bet most of you reading this now must be thinking ‘Jeez ravioli, why didn’t you know this before?’ And to be fair, I don’t even know the answer to that question myself.That one text message has completely changed my opinion on life. Wow, I’m a **** lol.

So one of my goals on being optimistic about life hasalready started – because I am SO SO SO SO grateful for everything I have. It’slike my future has already begun (lmao not really, don’t get ahead of yourself ravioli). I don’t know why, but I just feel so…. Happy. Another friend of mine has noticed it too, and she actually thinks something’s wrong I just feel happy – and if I manage to let this carry on, I think I will lead apositive life, where I can say ‘**** you IBD, you can’t handle this bitch’

Reading back at this, I really do sound like an idiot LOOOOOL.

Anyway, the future. I really want to be an Aerospace Engineer. I’ve loved engineering since such a young age and I really lovereading about astronomy, planes etc. I want to get an amazing job, find an amazing husband that cares and understands me and possibly have children, if I can. So, yh. That’s it really. That’s my latest blogpost for now.

Love always,ravioliyears xx

PS Sorry I posted this so late, I’m so bored :/

x

yeah except im failing it


am doin bio, chem, computing
and did physics at AS wbu?

Doing chem, physics, maths an engineering. Have you considered bio chem?

100% hurt my eyes to read (my phone cant format it, its a wall of text for me... idk) but omg this is top

your friend seems sorted i swear there needs to be more like him

I remember watching a video on YT, and your take on your IBD reminded me of it, this was the quote from Michael at Vsauce:



Never, ever give up!

loooooooooooool **** bio tho i hate it so much
never again

im glad things are better for you now though at least on the inside

Awwww ty for the mention about inspiration to post this topic! I thought it would be really interesting...and indeed it is!!

I love how determined you are, that in spite of your condition and the hurdles you face every day that the rest of us take for granted, you are still going and still want to reach your goals and do your best.

I really hope that it gets better/easier for you soon! It must be horrible doing all the things that make the average person stress but with that on top.

Does stress make your IBD worse generally? Like when you have exams etc. does it flare up?

Looks like you have a good plan of what you want to do at uni and those unis are all fab! Aerospace engineering as well- such a cool course, although you'd definitely be in the minority as a female

Loving your blog and your honesty and openness- I wouldn't have been able to do that at 16 but it's amazing.



Em xxx

Loool, then chem would be an amazing choice for you!

Thank you

aha we'll seeeeeeeee idk i feel like i'll get bored in like 2 months im someone that needs change
like if my room is the same layout for more than like 4 months i can't be in it anymore like SOMETHING needs to switch up
so i need something EXCITING

np

x

Haha, I know what you mean But of course, that's not the case with Seb. He's always exciting