Give him a chance OR run?
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Original post by SentryE3D
Crying out for attention by doing drugs. So edgy. Lets hope it doesn't hamper his drama degree too much
Guys a real Romeo, Shagspeare
Personally I would be running a mile.
Either listen to the advice you have been given OP or go and get royally screwed over by this guy. Your choice but you would be monumentally stupid to go for this guy.
Original post by sunshine97
There's this guy friend I got really close to from first semester since starting uni.
He told me how much changed after a certain event that happened in his life. He mentioned he used to play & use girls after being heart broken, along with binge drinking & doing drugs. Since January he got back to his habit of drinking & drugs because he 'had problems' (he didn't want to tell me about).
Recently he texted me while drunk & high telling me his neighbour who he dated 'not long ago' from January to February (THIS YEAR) broke his heart by playing him. At that time he was trying to pursue someone else from my course. In the text he said I'm different from the other girls (since he can trust and connect with me better). I confessed my feelings after he asked how I felt about him.
Yesterday (when he was sober) he asked me out after asking if I was serious about him. I confronted him why he was trying to pursue another girl while he was with someone. He denied it and said he was confused because of the drugs & drinks. And he was dating his neighbour in January to February LAST YEAR instead of this THIS YEAR. Also he said he got into a problem with 2 girls from the past which came back to haunt him, which contributed to his drinking.
Can alcohol confuse/ & make you tell the truth? Is he lying to me? Is there any red flags?
He told me how much changed after a certain event that happened in his life. He mentioned he used to play & use girls after being heart broken, along with binge drinking & doing drugs. Since January he got back to his habit of drinking & drugs because he 'had problems' (he didn't want to tell me about).
Recently he texted me while drunk & high telling me his neighbour who he dated 'not long ago' from January to February (THIS YEAR) broke his heart by playing him. At that time he was trying to pursue someone else from my course. In the text he said I'm different from the other girls (since he can trust and connect with me better). I confessed my feelings after he asked how I felt about him.
Yesterday (when he was sober) he asked me out after asking if I was serious about him. I confronted him why he was trying to pursue another girl while he was with someone. He denied it and said he was confused because of the drugs & drinks. And he was dating his neighbour in January to February LAST YEAR instead of this THIS YEAR. Also he said he got into a problem with 2 girls from the past which came back to haunt him, which contributed to his drinking.
Can alcohol confuse/ & make you tell the truth? Is he lying to me? Is there any red flags?
TLDR but you can defo be the one who can change him
Original post by lytran
He sounds like trouble to me 
Why does he seems like trouble to you?
Original post by 999tigger
OP he seems weak in resorting to drink and drugs to hide his other issues. its a lot to have to deal with someone like this as your first bf especially when you are so inexperienced. When you get to uni ofc you are going to probably drink and may come across drugs. Some people take it too far and become addicts or just cnat handle it. It cna make them liars, unreliable and manipulators. Do you need those extra problems? Imo id just rather meet someone nice, who treats me well, is reliable, honest and fun to be with.
http://hellogiggles.com/dating-drinking-problem/#read
http://www.drugfree.org/stories-of-hope/my-life-with-an-addict-boyfriend/
http://hellogiggles.com/dating-drinking-problem/#read
http://www.drugfree.org/stories-of-hope/my-life-with-an-addict-boyfriend/
He had told another one of his friends at uni as well as me that he's going to quit, as were both really against, so it'll motivate him to quit. He didn't tell his other uni friends because they didn't seem completely against it. After reading these articles, it made me realise that what he said does sound a bit fishy. The characteristics of these alcoholics and drug addicts does seem similar to his characteristics of his such as secretive and a bit closed.
I really appreciate your help, and based on what everyone is saying in this thread, it seems like he'll be trouble if I get involved with him. Because of my feelings towards him, even though I'm finding it hard to see EXACTLY what everyone else is seeing. My logical side is telling me to follow on with what everyone is saying.
Original post by SentryE3D
Crying out for attention by doing drugs. So edgy. Lets hope it doesn't hamper his drama degree too much
Lol it's actually Theology
Original post by Proxenus
mate just absolutely leg it!!
I told him I'll think about if I want to be with him. How do I reject him without us breaking up as friends?
Original post by elforjg02
Don't give all your trust to him...don't go out with him yet...if u really like him, help him stop drinking and taking drugs ASAP!! that's what u need to do first...because when someone is constantly drinking and using drugs, it's not a great sign! at all!!...and if he does improve and show improvement and actually took ur advice, then give him a chance ...why not? but if he still continues with his same old habits and chooses not to take ur advice, then I'm afraid you have to pack ur bags and run as far as you can ...because this guy could harm you considering he's on drugs..
I really do want him to change, but if I tell him my decision. Which is to make sure he quits before getting involved, what if he tries more harder to conceal if he quits and even tells his friends to cover for him? I don't know if it'll work.
Original post by Rock Fan
Personally I would be running a mile.
Original post by noey123
Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Why would you say I need to run? My logical side is now telling me he's not right after reading the replies. But I think I'm blinded by my feelings towards him, and it's affecting the way I see him. I'm trying to get more perspective of what everyone is thinking about him, so I can fully realise how much trouble he would be for me.
Original post by SophieSmall
Either listen to the advice you have been given OP or go and get royally screwed over by this guy. Your choice but you would be monumentally stupid to go for this guy.
I did realise he's not right for me after all the replies. But now I'm trying to figure out how to reject him without it affecting my friendship with him. I'd also feel bad abandoning him with his problems.
Original post by Betelgeuse-
TLDR but you can defo be the one who can change him
Why do you think I could be the one to change him?
When you get to uni there will be loads of new people to meet and date. I don think you soun experienced enough yet to be dealing with someone who has so many issues, your also inexperienced with learning that some biys will tell you just what you wnat to hear becayse they know it works. You also wont change him. Just slowly drop him and make yourself unavailable. Everyone else can see the potential bad news and theyd all stay clear. there will be other boys.
the proble with boys like this is they can get pushy. stop trying to fix him hes had the problems for a while he has issues.
Cant you just say youve chnaged your mind and want to focus on your exams or alternatively say you arent interested, hope he sorts himself out and then cut all contact. I feel he will get angry anyway and wont take rejection well. When you see the signs of trouble then most people walk away with good reason. cant try anymore to dissuade you. Im 95% certian hes bad news and he wouldnt be an experiene youd want.
the proble with boys like this is they can get pushy. stop trying to fix him hes had the problems for a while he has issues.
Cant you just say youve chnaged your mind and want to focus on your exams or alternatively say you arent interested, hope he sorts himself out and then cut all contact. I feel he will get angry anyway and wont take rejection well. When you see the signs of trouble then most people walk away with good reason. cant try anymore to dissuade you. Im 95% certian hes bad news and he wouldnt be an experiene youd want.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Rock Fan
Personally I would be running a mile.
Why would you say that? Also how would I reject him without it jeopardising my friendship with him?
Original post by 999tigger
When you get to uni there will be loads of new people to meet and date. I don think you soun experienced enough yet to be dealing with someone who has so many issues, your also inexperienced with learning that some biys will tell you just what you wnat to hear becayse they know it works. You also wont change him. Just slowly drop him and make yourself unavailable. Everyone else can see the potential bad news and theyd all stay clear. there will be other boys.
the proble with boys like this is they can get pushy. stop trying to fix him hes had the problems for a while he has issues.
Cant you just say youve chnaged your mind and want to focus on your exams or alternatively say you arent interested, hope he sorts himself out and then cut all contact. I feel he will get angry anyway and wont take rejection well. When you see the signs of trouble then most people walk away with good reason. cant try anymore to dissuade you. Im 95% certian hes bad news and he wouldnt be an experiene youd want.
the proble with boys like this is they can get pushy. stop trying to fix him hes had the problems for a while he has issues.
Cant you just say youve chnaged your mind and want to focus on your exams or alternatively say you arent interested, hope he sorts himself out and then cut all contact. I feel he will get angry anyway and wont take rejection well. When you see the signs of trouble then most people walk away with good reason. cant try anymore to dissuade you. Im 95% certian hes bad news and he wouldnt be an experiene youd want.
Thanks so much for the help, I gave myself time to think about what you said logically.
Now I just need to focus on getting over him, which will be hard.UPDATE:
I used the "exam & coursework revision card" on him when I told him I thought about my decision.
He told me he still wanted to stay friends as he sees me as one of his best friends. He also thought about his decision of wanting to be bf/gf and said he didn't trust himself as he could risk hindering/worsening my Eating Disorder while I'm still recovering. Since he got himself into a problem with 2 other girls in the past.
Even if he claims to have changed, I still won't accept him. If we both have extreme problems, I don't think it would end well anyway.
Original post by sunshine97
There's this guy friend I got really close to from first semester since starting uni.
He told me how much changed after a certain event that happened in his life. He mentioned he used to play & use girls after being heart broken, along with binge drinking & doing drugs. Since January he got back to his habit of drinking & drugs because he 'had problems' (he didn't want to tell me about).
Recently he texted me while drunk & high telling me his neighbour who he dated 'not long ago' from January to February (THIS YEAR) broke his heart by playing him. At that time he was trying to pursue someone else from my course. In the text he said I'm different from the other girls (since he can trust and connect with me better). I confessed my feelings after he asked how I felt about him.
Yesterday (when he was sober) he asked me out after asking if I was serious about him. I confronted him why he was trying to pursue another girl while he was with someone. He denied it and said he was confused because of the drugs & drinks. And he was dating his neighbour in January to February LAST YEAR instead of this THIS YEAR. Also he said he got into a problem with 2 girls from the past which came back to haunt him, which contributed to his drinking.
Can alcohol confuse/ & make you tell the truth? Is he lying to me? Is there any red flags?
He told me how much changed after a certain event that happened in his life. He mentioned he used to play & use girls after being heart broken, along with binge drinking & doing drugs. Since January he got back to his habit of drinking & drugs because he 'had problems' (he didn't want to tell me about).
Recently he texted me while drunk & high telling me his neighbour who he dated 'not long ago' from January to February (THIS YEAR) broke his heart by playing him. At that time he was trying to pursue someone else from my course. In the text he said I'm different from the other girls (since he can trust and connect with me better). I confessed my feelings after he asked how I felt about him.
Yesterday (when he was sober) he asked me out after asking if I was serious about him. I confronted him why he was trying to pursue another girl while he was with someone. He denied it and said he was confused because of the drugs & drinks. And he was dating his neighbour in January to February LAST YEAR instead of this THIS YEAR. Also he said he got into a problem with 2 girls from the past which came back to haunt him, which contributed to his drinking.
Can alcohol confuse/ & make you tell the truth? Is he lying to me? Is there any red flags?
Sounds like a risky investment, I'm out
Original post by whorace
Respect her? He doesn't respect himself.
He's heard it before, he's always the victim, God's got it out for him.
He's heard it before, he's always the victim, God's got it out for him.
i meant it'll make him realise she's not like other girls that'll fall for his trap
I am a great believer in learning from your own mistakes. Despite what other people say, some people will never listen to good advice and do things that will hurt them.
The OP seems to be one of these niave people who gets taken in with a sob story and gets the run around for a while before her eyes open to what is really going on if she is lucky. I see no point in advising her against getting into a relationship with her friend because she has already been taken in by him and defending and making excuses for his behavior.
I expect another post from the OP in a few months whining about how her BF is taking drugs, getting drunk and messing with other girls blah blah blah. If she is unlucky, she might end up with a drug habit herself or a few STDs.
The OP seems to be one of these niave people who gets taken in with a sob story and gets the run around for a while before her eyes open to what is really going on if she is lucky. I see no point in advising her against getting into a relationship with her friend because she has already been taken in by him and defending and making excuses for his behavior.
I expect another post from the OP in a few months whining about how her BF is taking drugs, getting drunk and messing with other girls blah blah blah. If she is unlucky, she might end up with a drug habit herself or a few STDs.
The alcohol and drugs can definetly cause it. I use to do heroine years ago, it made made blurt out stuff that's in my mind that you would keep to myself normally. What ever depressing him to do can cause him to get angry and being on drugs you don't think of the consequences of your actions. Some men find it very hard to open up and get bad aniexty, it's more common for men to abuse their bodies then women so make sure you talk to him but gets across that someone cares about him, it only takes one person, do it now before it gets worse as he may overdose or suicide. With my experience I felt like I wasn't good enough for any girl but it was actually girls that got me out of it, honestly having female support really helps a man. If he fails to impress girls romantically or sexually even relationships with his mother can help. It's hard to say without knowing him but understand why he's angry instead or being angry back.
Original post by sunshine97
Why would you say that? Also how would I reject him without it jeopardising my friendship with him?
Red flag straight away drink and drugs, even you said it probably wouldn't end well.
Original post by whorace
Also don't make the mistake of taking responsibility for his problems, he is not a child and you certainly are not abandoning him.
Yeah I agree. I also have my own problems to deal with, we both agreed to stay friends after I rejected him yesterday after posting this thread. I'm still going to support him as a friend. I feel like I'm getting over him gradually after reading what everyone had to say about him (from their neutral perspective).
Original post by Tom78
Sounds like a risky investment, I'm out
I backed out now after seeing the light and will never agree for anything more with him.
Original post by Rock Fan
Red flag straight away drink and drugs, even you said it probably wouldn't end well.
I took into account what everyone said and thought about everything carefully and realised it wouldn't end well. I guess before I was just seeing him with my rose tinted views because of my feelings towards him.
(edited 8 years ago)
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