Urgent advice needed: He just cancelled our first date at the last minute :(

I need some advice here, guys. I had this huge crush on this guy from the first time I saw him a couple of months ago. There was a lot of electricity between us, and after hanging out with the same friends group a couple of times he asked me out and we made plans to meet tomorrow night. I was so looking forward to seeing him, I could hardly stop thinking about him all week (sad, I know).

Fast forward to today, I receive an email from him saying could we reschedule our meeting for one day later (i.e. Sunday) as something had come up which meant he might not make it tomorrow. He said it had to do with a family meeting clash. I was very disappointed because I actually had other plans on Sunday which I would have to reschedule but most of all it was the frivolousness of his message that was hurtful. He even spelt my name wrong!

I did not respond right away as I did not want to sound too disappointed, but 2 hours later I receive a second email from him saying that he now can't make Sunday either, and could we reschedule for next weekend. This time his email was much more apologetic (and he spelt my name right, ha!) but I have to say I feel gutted that I won't see him at all this weekend.

I can't help but think that if he really wanted to see me he would have found a way and this is putting me off massively. I have never cancelled anything at the last minute myself, if I really wanted it. I could understand it if it was an emergency, but I gather from his email that it was not.

I don't want to be taken for granted and I almost want to say to him that I can't make next weekend and offer to meet for the weekend after that, but this means I will not see him for another 2 weeks! :frown:

What do I do? Do you think he is being flaky and that he is just not interested? Thanks very much for any insight.

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Reply 1

Alfed

I don't think he likes you as much as you like him right now. So he doesn't mind putting you off for people who matter to him more. That is all. If after you have been on a few dates and he keeps being like this, then I think you would be right to be annoyed and concerned about him taking you for granted, at which point then you could talk to him about it.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 2

whorace

What a flake, just tell him you're too busy for 3 months to arrange another time to meet and ignore him, if he doesn't cave in after a week he doesn't like you.

Reply 3

username47781

Could be genuine, so maybe see what happens next weekend, if he cancels that then maybe then you will know he is messing you around.

Reply 4

Spongebob'sPants

He could have a legitimate reason.

Re-arrange again and give the guy a chance.

If he bails out again, then i'd seriously reconsider.

Reply 5

GingerJoe

Give him one more chance (every one deserves a second chance) and then if that falls through don't both.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Alfed

Original post by whorace

Original post by Rock Fan

Original post by Spongebob'sPants

Original post by GingerJoe

Thanks for responding guys, much appreciated. So I have agreed to rearrange our date for next weekend, but I must say I am so put off by him cancelling the first time that my whole excitement to see him has completely lost steam. I just think if he really wanted to see me he would have prioritised it over any other stuff. I mean he is the one who approached me, not me! I feel gutted about the whole thing.

His attitude to our rescheduling was also quite dodgy, I think: I told him I could only do a specific time next weekend because I am busy the rest of it and he said that this is fine and he hopes there will not be any other crises in his life before then. I mean, what the heck? He is actually leaving the door open to another cancellation?

I have to say, if he does this again I'm out completely. I can't believe how hurt I am about this... :frown:

Reply 7

username47781

Least you wil know that he is dodgy and that he isn't the one for you, anyone who plays games are not worth the time.

Reply 8

LiquidGold

Since he was really apologetic it does sound genuinely like he had something he had to do. I would meet up next weekend, but if he cancels again leave it at that. Fair enough something coming up once but two weekends in a row? That's flakey and would show he's probably not that into you

Reply 9

lolakirk

He sounds like he has changed his mind but doesn't know how to say it, so he pretends to want to 'reschedule' just so he doesn't have to see you. He probably wants you to be put off by him.

Reply 10

username1623349

Original post by lolakirk

He sounds like he has changed his mind but doesn't know how to say it, so he pretends to want to 'reschedule' just so he doesn't have to see you. He probably wants you to be put off by him.

I don't think it sounds like that at all? They hang out with the same people so he can't avoid seeing her even if he wanted to.

OP, give him one more chance. If he bails next weekend too then give it up and find someone who's not going to do things like that.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Rock Fan

Least you will know that he is dodgy and that he isn't the one for you, anyone who plays games are not worth the time.

Original post by LiquidGold

I would meet up next weekend, but if he cancels again leave it at that.

Original post by georgiaswift

OP, give him one more chance. If he bails next weekend too then give it up and find someone who's not going to do things like that.

Thanks guys, so yeah, that's the current plan. We have rescheduled for next Saturday, so it is a long wait of 5 days until we meet. :s-smilie:

If he bails out by then, or even if he tries to reschedule by an hour, I will:
a. be heartbroken, as I really wanted to see him
b. be livid, as I did not even initiate this date so that's massively messing with my mind.
c. completely give up on him, as he will be an absolute jerk.

I will keep you posted how it goes. Not that you were holding your breath, but I will probably need to vent if something goes wrong, and you were kind enough to respond to my post, so... :redface:

Thanks!

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by lolakirk

He sounds like he has changed his mind but doesn't know how to say it, so he pretends to want to 'reschedule' just so he doesn't have to see you. He probably wants you to be put off by him.

If that's true it will make me so angry, because I did not even approach him, he did! And I don't get why on earth he would change his mind, nothing intervened between the time that he contacted me and now, that would be so messed up! I guess I will find out soon enough...

Reply 13

username47781

Sadly some people are like that, this was how my ex started with me, she suddenly started cancelling plans we had.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Rock Fan

Sadly some people are like that, this was how my ex started with me, she suddenly started cancelling plans we had.

Sorry to hear that, Rock Fan, do you mean that this is how your relationship started, or that this was the beginning of the end?

Making excuses and cancelling plans at the last minute is just awful for so many reasons. I just don't get why people have to play games and can't be direct about what they want. It feels cowardly and inconsiderate.

Reply 15

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

It was towards the end, and yeah people who play games, it is so annoying.

Reply 16

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

You have already set the cut off point, but importnat to remember is he is on his best behabiour now, so if he messes you around, then think how poor he will be later. The other things is if it ends, then less need to get upset, becayse he was never the person you imagined him to be in the first place.

Reply 17

tinkerbelle2

I'd give him another chance. He may have genuine reason and might just have a lot on at the moment. I doubt he'd have suggested it at all if he didn't like you. Suck up your disappointment for now and send back a positive, cheery reply about rescheduling, even if you do feel hurt and let down. Try to sound keen and let him know you are definitely interested but without overdoing it and coming in too strong - it can be a difficult balance I know. If he does it again I'd probably think about giving up. I hope when you do meet things hit it off! I have to admit I put my now boyfriend off for our first date twice because honestly I felt shy and unsure of him, but when we met up we got on so well, and we've been together over 4 years now! So it may be that he is just unsure of you right now. At this early stage neither of you owes the other anything and maybe he does have other priorities, but hopefully that would potentially change when you do meet up and he does become a boyfriend.

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Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

You are right, it's not a good start. I also can't stand mind games, that kind of thing is a massive turn off for me. It's strange because by rescheduling at the last minute he has pulled a massive power trip over me, intentionally or not: he managed to put me on the back foot whereas I was feeling on top of the world before that, when he asked me out.

He still has to contact me to let me know the place where we meet (in our initial emails, I set the time of the meeting and he was going to set the exact place - still waiting for that.) So there are 3 possibilities:

Either he contacts me to confirm the place by Friday at the latest
Or he contacts me to reschedule (at which point I'm out)
Or he ghosts me and does not contact me at all (I don't even know why I'm thinking about this, it would be absolutely awful!)

It's now three full days left before Saturday so I'll find out what he's about soon enough. Between now and then I have to try to make space in my brain for other thoughts other than him and our date. Despite my major crush on him, I'm supposed to be revising so I can't afford to completely surrender my mind! :s-smilie:

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

Original post by tinkerbelle2

Thanks so much for this, that's really reassuring. I must say, I have no sympathy for him being unsure of me though, he is the one who asked me out - he had better get a grip! :tongue: