At 25, I have the material things. I have achieved a very strong CV, saving the FTSE100 company I work for over a million pounds in it's efficiency drive. I graduated with a 2.1 in Economics from a golden triangle university. I have all the nice clothes and can afford to live in a nice city apartment. I have my own side business and my overall earnings are set to be really pleasing to see.
However, inside? I feel dead. I had a ****ed up childhood. My mother and father dumped me to live with an abusive Uncle when I was 4, until I was 11 when I went to live with my grandfather (God bless his soul). My parents basically went away to live their own lives and didn't want to know, they turned a blind eye. I have major attachment issue from that and unhappiness from the physical and mental abuse. I don't think any partner or people close would want to hear about that kind of thing, or if I would even feel comfortable talking about it.
I had major health issues requiring several operation when I was 15-18, requiring weeks and weeks of being chained to a hospital bed. There was no time for me to develop close ties to people, I just felt alone all of the time. I just focused on academia as it gave me hope that I could carve some sort of my life for myself out of all the misery that I did not choose to have fall to me.
I don't know whether this is all why I can't find a good real relationship with a girl. I have never had a girlfriend before. One night stands I used to enjoy, but I really don't anymore. Everytime I find a girl when we sleep together, I develop feelings and for some reason or other it always ends up with her leaving to go somewhere else.. as if my earlier life of being abandoned is just playing itself over and over again.
Mentally, I just feel like I cannot let go and that I am just a bit ****ed up. I know one can say "Just try to get over it", but it really is difficult.