Dating people and sleeping with someone else?

So I'm in a moral dilemma and I'd appreciate any advice.

I have come to realise I am bi-sexual or gay. I have been on a date with a guy which went well (I'm a guy), and I'm probably going on a date with a girl soon. Both the guy and the girl are not open to anything sexual until they are in a relationship, which is fine and is usually how I would feel too.

However, I feel like I need to sleep with someone to help confirm my sexuality (I am 23 and haven't slept with anyone for about 6 years. When I was a teenager it was just messing around and I've never been with a girl) before I commit to a relationship and risk hurting anyone. Now I don't have to do this, I'm just quite concerned I'm going to lead someone on and have them feel like I've used them if it doesn't work out.

Therefore, is it wrong to date this guy and/or girl and sleep with someone only interested in sex? Is it wrong to lie to them if they ask if I am sleeping with anyone? (I would tell them if I'm dating another person).

Reply 1

claireestelle

Original post by Anonymous

Yes i would say it was wrong to lie about sleeping with someone.

Reply 2

whorace

Is it wrong to lie to the person you are in a relationship with? Yes. You have a right to privacy and if anyone asks about your sex life feel free to tell them to get lost, once you are in a relationship however you have made an agreement and you must be clear on the terms of that agreement.

Reply 3

BristolFresher15

Well you would obviously have to do it before you get into a relationship with them. Otherwise that would be cheating. If you aren't exclusive yet, I guess its okay.

Edit: didn't read the last part so I'll add this; yes, it is wrong to lie about something like that.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 4

newttella

I suppose it's alright if you're just dating them. Are YOU ok with it though? I mean would you care if someone was doing the same thing to you (dating you while sleeping with someone else)?

Reply 5

queen-bee

Original post by whorace

Even if he wasn't in a fully committed relationship with the person,they'd probably be upset if they found out from him later on

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by newttella

I suppose it's alright if you're just dating them. Are YOU ok with it though? I mean would you care if someone was doing the same thing to you (dating you while sleeping with someone else)?

Yes I probably would care which is I guess why I've felt I need to ask this question. I feel like (and I might be wrong) that my circumstances are differentiated by the fact my sleeping with someone would be experimentation rather than lust.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by queen-bee

Even if he wasn't in a fully committed relationship with the person,they'd probably be upset if they found out from him later on

This is another issue. I would hate to have to lie to someone I'm in a relationship with :/

Reply 8

newttella

Original post by Anonymous

You have to make a decision, then. What do you want more at the moment? Sex or a relationship?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by newttella

You have to make a decision, then. What do you want more at the moment? Sex or a relationship?

This may be want it comes down too...

What I want more is a relationship - what I don't want, however, is a relationship in which I'm not happy because I realise I'm gay or where I have to hurt someone by leaving them, after confirming we're in a relationship and having sex with them, because I'm gay.

I have loads in common with the girl, I'm just confused as to whether I'm sexually attracted to her or any other girls. With the guy I've been on a date on I'm unsure whether I actually want a relationship with him. I guess I'm more concerned about passing on this opportunity with the girl. Once I've done that I won't find someone like her again :frown:

Reply 10

newttella

Original post by Anonymous

You're going to have to hurt someone inevitably. You can't be with two people at the same time. Just choose who you feel you want more. It can be confusing, but you have to try one or the other or you won't get either.