Give him space or try?

Hey Guys;

Well, a mate of mine became single 8 days ago and he knew his relationship was on the breaking point because his now ex was putting him through A LOT and he didn't like it and wasn't happy for the last 3(ish) weeks of his relationship to the point he was crying in my arms.
Anyway, he knows I've been interested for a while (well, just over a year) and he says he wants to talk to me on Monday because he's coming back to Bristol today (Sunday) about his previous relationship because he doesn't want anything to do with relationships for a while.

Anyway, he says I am the person he trusts the most and will tell me anything but, I don't know if this is too soon to try and see if I can enter into a relationship?

Advice?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Oh yeah, we've known each other what's coming up 3 years now (uni mates).

Reply 2

RosyPearl

I think you should wait for atleast a month before you open up to him. In order for him to move on, he needs to cut off all contact with his ex. Also don't let him dwell too much on the past as it will make him harder to heal from the break up. Just be a good friend and stay by his side for now and he will appreciate it. At the moment he probably doesn't feel right and needs the time and space to pull himself together and gather his thoughts. This is part of the healing process otherwise if you were to enter the relationship now, he may not have totally moved on from his ex and you dont want to end up being the rebound girl.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by RosyPearl

That's the thing, he was the one who wanted out because she was, well, in short and his words "bitching" at him too much.
He says he's ok but he knew for a short while (2-3 weeks) before he broke up with her it wouldn't last because she was doing waaaay too many questionable things and she even had a go at him when he didn't want to have sex with her and she kept saying "so you don't find me attractive now", "Why are we even in this relationship" etc...

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by RosyPearl

I don't know if this makes a difference but, the day before he broke up with her I suggested where I could clearly see he wasn't happy that he break up with her, whether or not this was a direct result of my advice I don't know but,I will ask him when I next see him.

Reply 5

RosyPearl

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah you know the circumstances better than everyone on this forum. Meet up with him and talk it through, after that hang out with him and spend quality time together. It may help get that girl off his mind and when you two feel the time is right then you can open up to him about your feelings and hopefully he would reciprocate those feelings back, good luck.

Reply 6

999tigger

Space unless you wnat to be rebound.

Reply 7

Emily.97

Im surprised you're asking for advice here, the answer is common sense really.
If he is happy to be with you straight after that then the relationship he left probably wasn't anything particularly tangible- it all just sounds like childish stuff.

Reply 8

theDanIdentity

Original post by Anonymous

maadd ting. so basically yeah, this bitch was psyhologically dominating man? wow........

i can see why you'd wanna jump in and play: 'captain save a hoe'.

analysis: this man really could've suffered emotional trauma in the head you know. i say this, as this type of females basically destroy a guys' life. this is what they do: http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

solution: if at any point in time, that scenario above remotely sounds/looks like what she put him through, then: a) she's a bitch who doesn't deserve to be given a cold, merciless beheading. b) the guy needs psychiatric help. fast.

after/during the help, i'll ask you to stay away from him as much as possible (that is, try to get outside friend(s) to play the role of 'saviour' that you're trying to do. i ask as, it isn't fair to you nor is it any helpful to his psychological state, as, in his psyche, he sees you as another female come to come damage his already :dolphin:

ed up psyhce even more. he needs time to heal. regardless, by getting a friend {preferably male. unbiased. nice guy} who would show him there's life outside females; he'll be able to heal quicker, faster and wouldn't feel any pressure to jump straight into another relationship. a risk with this though, is that ultimately, he may not want to get in a relationship with you.. either permanently or in the near future. she may have damaged him that much. another reason i ask for you to get outside friends to help build him up, is that, girlfriends come and go. but friends are forever. at one point in time, you may not be around any more and if you really do care for him, you'll want to make sure that he's able to stand on his own two feet (socially) before and (if it unfortunately happens) after you.). i also say: 'stay away' because as someone mentioned earlier, you don't want the risk of running for 'president of rebound nation'.

i say 'stay away', but i mean, don't initiate a relationship YET. like give him some time to heal and to completely forget about the girl; but still keep flirting with him to show him that you're interested in him. he needs time away from females. then after the month is up, yes, you can jump on him.