19 and doomed to be alone.

I know there are a lot of posts that are exactly like this, but I feel so hopeless and I don't know what else to do. I've basically given up on life. I'm not eating and I try to sleep through most days, just so I can get it over with. The things I used to enjoy, like books and films, just don't help any more (they irritate me because I've realized that they are just methods of escapism, and I hate myself for indulging in that).

I want a girlfriend, ever since I was young, that's all I've ever wanted. I don't value friendships at all (I only keep friends in hopes of finding a girlfriend through them) and I'll only be happy when I'm finally in a relationship. It's funny because when friends come to me for advice about this sort of stuff, I tell them that pinning all your happiness on one person isn't healthy, but I know that's a load of bull because that's exactly what I want to do.

I've never had anyone. I feel like it's too late for me. I'm starting University in September and I'm hoping that will change things, but a part me feels like nothing will change and I should just quit while I'm ahead.

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Reply 1

MrsSheldonCooper

1) No idea why it's in the health section

2) Keep a circle of close friends around you at least. If you were friendless and had a gf, the gf would probably find you weird and if it didn't work out, you would only have yourself to cry to.

Reply 2

richpanda

The sad news is that if you're sub 6/10 in 2016 as a male, you're going to find it hard.

However unless you are really ****ed, you can get yourself up the rankings by improving yourself. Do interesting things and you will become an interesting person. Improve your intelligence, physique, etc...

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 3

Blondie987

I'm sure this isn't true, you literally have your whole life to find someone and you will! I'm in the same boat and I'm sure you're doing better than me lol, don't give up hope, put yourself out there and make friends if you can. Uni will be a great place for you to meet someone, I'd recommend going societies that you think you'd be interested in, also you'll be focussed on your studies at least some of the time so don't stress about it, good luck! :biggrin:

Reply 4

PinkMobilePhone

Volunteer Team

You're only 19. Don't be so melodramatic.

Reply 5

Eternalflames

I see one too many of these threads on TSR

"I want a girlfriend!!" "Oh, woe is me :frown:

No offence to you, but a relationship isn't everything. Find hobbies that will keep you happy

Reply 6

Kevin De Bruyne

No point torturing yourself like that - it's not going to be attractive to anyone.

Dot beat yourself up about not having been in a relationship before uni.

Reply 7

Start the Fire

1) Women aren't everything, in fact in most cases they make your life worse. Women aren't attracted to wimps who have nothing going on in their life, if you seem fun, interesting and confident the bitches will follow

2) I was still a virgin at your age, it's no big deal

3) Approach women, women are biologically programmed to be passive and wait for men to approach them, if you ever want a girl you have to go and ask girls out

Reply 8

Blondie987

Original post by Start the Fire

You're going to start a flame war with that kind of talk lol

Reply 9

Laurasaur

Original post by Anonymous

I'll only be happy when I'm finally in a relationship.

[video="youtube;fNy5umFAnDo"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNy5umFAnDo&index=40&list=PLwxNMb28XmpcEwc0qydf2jSszQ FSht81E[/video]

Reply 10

username1229433

Relationships are not always "peaches and cream".

You're 19 years old. Enjoy your youth and studies.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

1) I'm new to the forums. I thought I posted this in the right place. I'm sorry.
2) I do understand that, but I just find friendships to be so shallow. I want to get rid of them as fast as possible. Also, I don't cry to people (hence why this is posted anonymously). I don't like people seeing me as weak, so I always pretend that everything is just fine.

Original post by MrsSheldonCooper

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Sorry, what do you mean by sub 6/10?

Original post by richpanda

The sad news is that if you're sub 6/10 in 2016 as a male, you're going to find it hard.

However unless you are really fuked, you can get yourself up the rankings by improving yourself. Do interesting things and you will become an interesting person. Improve your intelligence, physique, etc...

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

That's the thing. Relationships are such an important (probably most important) part of youth and I missed it completely.

Original post by babyshawte

Relationships are not always "peaches and cream".

You're 19 years old. Enjoy your youth and studies.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 14

richpanda

Original post by Anonymous

Sorry, what do you mean by sub 6/10?

as how attractive you are to women (not just your looks, but they make up a large part of it)

Reply 15

username1726117

I know the feeling, buddy. Try and keep a positive mindset though.

Reply 16

Blackstarr

Seriously, having a companion is not the answer to a happy life, I know this because I am surrounded by family members and sometimes feel lonely like, they can't relate to me whatsoever.

Focus on uni and don't get distracted there either.

Reply 17

Nashey

Ask your friends if they can hook you up with someone, sometimes you have to be confident and talk to people and go to parties etc.

Reply 18

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I know there are a lot of posts that are exactly like this, but I feel so hopeless and I don't know what else to do la la la la...
...I should just quit while I'm ahead.

I've never had a girlfriend either, and am about a year or so younger than you.

I'm sorry mate, but this is utter nonsense. There's countless stories of men who got on with their lives, having never been near one of these 'women' things for decades. The end result was they ended up better rounded, less strange, more interesting and ultimately attractive people. Go out, work hard, take every opportunity you have.

Another thing in your post I have a colossal problem is, is the pessimism. Of all the people that have ever lived, are alive, and will ever life until Christ returns (or the universe implodes, if you want to carry on in your pessimism), here you are. You live in a country where the rule of law is a thing. You have a vote (please use it June 23rd). No one's trying to kill you for being a muslim/white/homosexual/in the way/because you have basic food and water, as people have done so often in history. You have access to the internet. You have a bed in which to sleep. You are alive.
You are incredibly privileged, and quite frankly millions would've/would kill to be where you are.

Thirdly, getting 'a' girlfriend is the root of the problem. Very few girls will want to be 'a' girlfriend, merely an entity, a tick box, 'look at me I have a girl under my arm yay' girlfriend. Those that do will be the least satisfying partners one could ever imagine.

Summarize; you're very lucky, go live 'n' stuff, she'll wander by.

Reply 19

ElspethC

Original post by Anonymous

I want a girlfriend, ever since I was young, that's all I've ever wanted. I don't value friendships at all (I only keep friends in hopes of finding a girlfriend through them) and I'll only be happy when I'm finally in a relationship. It's funny because when friends come to me for advice about this sort of stuff, I tell them that pinning all your happiness on one person isn't healthy, but I know that's a load of bull because that's exactly what I want to do.

Don't know about anyone else, but as a girl I'd find this sort of attitude very offputting, and if someone said all of this to me I would head off in the other direction without a second thought.

- I'd feel like they're not dating me because they like me, but because they're desperate for anyone and just want to know that they're dating someone.

- They usually have a mental image of what their ideal girlfriend should look like, what they should do, how they should act, and then don't understand why the girl isn't doing what they expect. Yes, this has happened to multiple friends of mine. No, it's never ended well.

- I wouldn't want a boyfriend whose life revolves around me. I need space, I need to be able to do my own thing sometimes, I need to go out with friends and not have the same person constantly being around me. Some girls feel differently, sure, but I wouldn't go out with someone who had no friends or social life that didn't relate to me.

- How do you expect to meet girls without having friends? Randomly asking people in the street? Nope, that's kind of creepy and doesn't usually work. Your best bet is to meet a girl either through friends or through some sort of social club/society, and if your friends don't feel like you actually value them, your chances of being set up with one of their friends is very low.

You sound like you're obsessed with the idea of having a girlfriend rather than actually realising what it entails. It's not all happy and fluffy, you'll have arguments, and break up, and one of you might cheat, and you'd better be sure you want to be with them before you commit to anything.

What do you actually want out of a girlfriend? Just to say that you have one? Just to keep her around so that you can tick off that box on your to do list? Because even if that's not the case, that's how you're coming across, and it's not going to do you any favours.