Need advice from Pakistanis / Muslims. Potentially ruined my reputation.

I could really do with some advice from people that understand where I’m coming from. I feel really ashamed of myself. I know it’s a little long but I’d appreciate if people read it.

Up until the age of 22 (I’m now 23) I’d never put a foot wrong. When I started working at an office everything was great until about half a year down the line. I was kinda talked in to going out with a few friends from work one night (after work). I was like no no no and they were like yes yes yes. It was all on a whim and, in the end, I thought I’d experience it just once. I feel so ashamed about lying to my mother for a group of people I worked with who told me to do it. I told her I was sleeping at a friend’s house and she trusted me and I completely broke her trust. I feel so ****ing awful about it. On this night out, I did drink but the part that’s really getting to me is that I kissed a guy from work. He initiated it and it was literally like a prolonged peck on the mouth. I never speak to this guy.

Anyway, a few months down the line some other guy (Pakistani) starts working in the same office. His extended family knows my whole family very well and both our families know like 90% of Asians in our town. He is the biggest gossip, constantly asks me questions about whether I’ve ever drank, smoked, been on nights out etc. I’m from a pretty well-respected background and out of fear of judgement I said no (not that it was any of his business in the first place). The thing is that he’s good friends with another Asian lad at work who also happens to be good friends with the random I had a sort-of kiss with. They’re on different shifts to me and I’m so sure that they’ve talked about it / or will at some point in conversation.I’m basically so stressed out right now because he will tell his whole family and everyone in my community is going to look down on me like I’m a total slag. I’m crying right now. People are gonna talk about me and my poor mother won’t even know it. I can’t even express how ashamed I feel. It was literally the only time I did something that I wasn’t supposed to and now it’s gonna come back to haunt me. This Asian boy I work with drinks, does drugs, gambles and is cheating on the girl he claims to want to marry. But none of that matters because he’s a boy and he’s open about all of it. Me? I feel like my reputation is going to be ruined. It is eating me up inside that my mother doesn’t know and I can never tell her either. I hate myself for doing this to her.

TL;DR: The only night out I ever went on in my life, I ended up kissing a boy from work. Other Asian guy from work most likely knows about it now and he’ll tell all our mutual family friends from outside of work about it. Everyone in the Asian community is going to think I’m a slut, especially because I come from a relatively respectable background. I feel the worst for my mother who has already been through so much and then on top of that she has me for a daughter.

Do you speak to this Asian guy who knows all your family? I think you should try to initiate a proper friendship with him. It's better to be friends with this guy than to be awkward acquaintances who gossip about each other. If you gain his trust as a friend while remaining modest/not flirting, then I think he will keep quiet. The only reason he would gossip about you is if he doesn't know you well enough to care about the effects it will have on you, if that makes sense. Try to make casual conversation with him - there's nothing wrong with that as long as you're not flirty. Maybe even talk to him sometimes about people that you both know in the family circle to gain his trust. If he does ask you about it even after becoming friends I think you should deny the actual kiss and laugh it off saying he gave you a peck on the cheek or something because he was drunk but you don't really remember / haven't thought about it.

(Asians will only spread harmful gossip about you like that if they think you're the enemy. My point is that if you become his friend and show him that you're on his side, he won't want to do your baisti anymore because he won't have anything against you)

Honestly,all asians, be it pakistani or bengali, have the biggest egos going. They prize reputation above all. Worrying is natural and it is good you feel guilty about what you did. The problem is trying to handle the consequences that may follow those events.

I've only seen and heard similar scenarios like this occur within my own extended family and it had happened to all the males in my family and some of the females. But the males always seem have it easy and it may seem really hard for you as a Asian female. You're going to be judged and tormented if they do find out, but you have ignore it. And the problem regarding your guilt for betraying your mother.Well. that is entirely up to you. From an islamic perspective you should tell her the truth but from a cultural perspective you should keep it away from her. I am just conveying what I can but I am no person to judge and give advice. But I hope your situation betters itself and you are alleviated of your guilt sister.

Get a new job babe. What the **** is peoples problems nowadays?!?

I was expecting something huge -equal to the size of this text, and you just kissed another guy.

I lost my time.

If you're a Muslim then surely at 23 you must know lying, drinking and adultery is haram.

All this for a kiss?!

x

Every Muslim I know has made some mistakes, you are not alone in that and you regret what happened (so you're on the right path). Deny the drinking and the kiss (if it's brought forward), hopefully the word of druggy gambler guy won't be taken as truth. Believe me if you deny it, it can perhaps die down quickly and people will just move on.

Thanks, unfortunately his family / cousins (and has a lot of them) will believe him.