transgender dad

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That really isn't scientific

Proving that you haven't read it or the other articles.

Well done. Embrace ignorance if you like - but if you use science incorrectly to justify nastiness then don't expect to be treated with anything but ridicule.

Reply 61

username1410667

Original post by amyjanee15

The thing is that he has kept it from my mum for 15+ years, which I think is absolutely pathetic. I told him not to dress up as I don't like it when I'm revising for my exams, he said grow up and get a grip. He has been absolutely horrible to me, having ago at me when I haven't done anything wrong.
I'm still calling him because he's waiting for the appointment for the operation.

I'm no way homophobic i just don't think it's right for him to do any of that to me and my mum.

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I can't say I completely understand what you're going through as this has never happened to me but I can guess what it feels like.

To be honest I think it's really unfair that he kept it from you and your mum for so long, you both deserved to know.

It's also unrealistic that he suddenly expects you to stop calling him "dad" even though that's what you've called him your whole life.

That being said I don't think there's really much you can do at this point in time part from try and keep out of his way.

Do you and your mum have anyone to support you at the moment? Friends? Family? My advice is just stick with them as much as possible and try to support each other the best you can.

Reply 62

AperfectBalance

Original post by PQ

I skimmed through it true but I could not see any reputable studies and even if there was you are still born as one gender (there are cases where you are born as both) and that is your gender.

If you want to go around saying oh btw I am a male now go ahead but dont expect people to pander to you.

Reply 63

acupofgreentea

Original post by AperfectBalance

Well done for completely ignoring the point I just made.

This is pointless. You're going to remain being close-minded regardless of what is presented to you. I'm done trying.

Reply 64

Clearing and Applications Advisor

Original post by AperfectBalance

Its all to do with chromosomes, If you have one set we call that male the other female. not too hard to see

Have you had your chromosomes checked then?

If not you can't be sure you're a "he"

Reply 65

AperfectBalance

Original post by acupofgreentea

Well done for completely ignoring the point I just made.

This is pointless. You're going to remain being close-minded regardless of what is presented to you. I'm done trying.

Just because you say oh you are being close minded does not mean I actually am.

I didnt ignore what you said I read it and disagreed with it.

Reply 66

Novascope

Original post by A-LJLB

Sigh people are so sensitive nowadays

Trying to see where I was sensitive... You told me something that I already knew and was blatantly obvious, so what?

Reply 67

AperfectBalance

Original post by PQ

Have you had your chromosomes checked then?

If not you can't be sure you're a "he"

actually I have so yeah. So saying that you mean to say that if Bruce Jenner had his chromosomes checked and he was a male that you would call him a man?

Reply 68

username1884577

Original post by Novascope

Trying to see where I was sensitive... You told me something that I already knew and was blatantly obvious, so what?

You have clearly taken what I said personally as you're being pretty bitchy to put it bluntly...

Reply 69

thefatone

Original post by amyjanee15

Is my dad legally my dad as he's changed his name and gender?

so she had a paenus stuck to her and now she's a man?

Reply 70

Clearing and Applications Advisor

Original post by AperfectBalance

actually I have so yeah. So saying that you mean to say that if Bruce Jenner had his chromosomes checked and he was a male that you would call him a man?

http://genderanalysis.net/2015/12/chromosomes-cis-expectations-vs-trans-reality-gender-analysis-14/

Biology does not excuse bigotry.

Biology is a lot more complex than the binary categories you believe in uncritically.

You're a terrible sceptic and a wilfully nasty human being.

You're the sort of person who makes me embarrassed to admit I'm an athiest.

Welcome to the list :smile:

Reply 71

RobML

Original post by AperfectBalance

actually I have so yeah. So saying that you mean to say that if Bruce Jenner had his chromosomes checked and he was a male that you would call him a man?

Chromosomes don't always correlate with what sex you're born as, fyi. Even if they did, this is still all irrelevant to gender anyway

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Reply 72

Anonymous #2

You know what, a lot of people will disagree with me on this, but I think a lot commenting are wrong; I think it's not your fault, but rather your dads.
I know you aren't transphobic, because in all honesty there's no sugar coating it - it would upset any child. From what I'm seeing, it's almost as if she isn't noticing your concerns in a vital time of exams. The fact you can't call her dad either, it's not really on. If she decided to become your father and you've called her that all your life, you should at least be able to now. She can't get offended at it all of a sudden, she needs to realise she has a daughter, and even though it's hard she must try and make it easy for you as possible. It's honestly selfish otherwise, I don't care what anyone thinks.
I think it would also feel as if you're almost losing your dad and a father figure, so people having a go at you have honestly no right to. It reminds me in 'About a Boy' when the main characters mother tries to kill herself, and he explains to her how when you have children you sometimes have to realise you don't just live for yourself any more. I say talk to her. If she loves you she will understand.

Reply 73

AperfectBalance

Original post by PQ

It isnt bigotry.
and anway I am skeptic and it is good to be skeptic but nasty. no I am a nice person that most people like me.

This has nothing to do with me being atheist so please stop thinking that.

what list?

Reply 74

Novascope

Original post by A-LJLB

You have clearly taken what I said personally as you're being pretty bitchy to put it bluntly...

No I'm just being straightforward. You tried to be a smart arse at the wrong time, simple lol. I guess you could be taking it personally if you think I'm being bitchy :smile:

Reply 75

Hanvyj

Original post by amyjanee15

(I'll use "he" because that seems to be what you are most comfortable with)

He probably didn't tell your mum for that long because he was fearing exactly this kind of reaction.

You repeatedly call it "dressing up". For him, it's not just "dressing up". He feels to 'wrong' that he's having a serious operation to permanently remove/alter parts of his body. That's not something you decide to do because you like dressing up a little.

It's part of him as a person. Chances are he's been feeling he's been living a lie all his life and can't stand it anymore.

He has a duty as a father to care for you. But that doesn't overrule all of is life. It doesn't mean he has to stay with your mother forever if they don't love each other (plenty of parents divorce). It doesn't mean he is forbidden to act or behave in his own self interest.

Him changing his gender does not mean he cannot care for you. But it is obviously very important to him.

Your reaction is "no you can't do that". He's not allowed to be honest and live the way he wants, because... you have some GCSEs coming up? Okay... why? When is he "allowed" to live his own life?

I'm sorry, but I think you're being very selfish here. Parents don't soely exist to make their children's lives comfortable. They have their own lives.

If you can't accept even the slightest inconvenience of calling him "she" or not using "dad" (maybe try his name instead...) you're a pretty pathetic daughter in my opinion.

All relationships are two ways. Even parent-child. If you can't even make the slightest compromise that relationship isn't going to work and I don't think you can place that blame on him or how he chooses to live his life.

It isn't your fault he doesn't view himself as a man. But it's also not his fault either. Yes, it was his fault he didn't say this 15 years ago, but all that would have done is move this fallout earlier in your life. You'd still have a dad you would have to call "she"...

Also, you blame him for hiding who he felt he was for 15 years - yet your response is for him to continue to hide it for longer. Shows how hard a decision it was to come out. He finally does, and get's the blame from you on one hand "Why did you hide this?" while on the other you're saying "Go back inside that closet and keep hiding all this".

I can understand that it's a hard thing do deal with. You're going to have to deal with it though, unless you care so little about your dad you are just going to cut all ties because you don't want to compromise.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 76

username1884577

Original post by Novascope

No I'm just being straightforward. You tried to be a smart arse at the wrong time, simple lol. I guess you could be taking it personally if you think I'm being bitchy :smile:

I wasn't being a smart arse? I had made the assumption you thought the alternative to being called dad was mum, and if I was wrong then I apologise.

Reply 77

acupofgreentea

Original post by RobML

Chromosomes don't always correlate with what sex you're born as, fyi. Even if they did, this is still all irrelevant to gender anyway

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This.

Reply 78

AperfectBalance

Original post by acupofgreentea

This.

It is quite rare that this is the case, as much as if I had a bag of 10000 green smarties and 1 red I could safely say I bet I am going to pull out a green one and be right nearly all of the time

Reply 79

Sug4rkane

Original post by Novascope

If my dad was transgendered I'd still call him dad. Idgaf about being PC and using the "correct pronoun". I think it would be almost an insult to my real mother to call my dad, mother. He has not brought me up the way a mother does. A sex change will never enable him to do and become what a mother is. So no, I wouldn't call him mum.