Picked an obese girl over me... I feel offended, does this make me a bad person?

So a guy friend of mine who I had been crushing on for years picked an obese girl over me, knowing that I liked him. I feel annoyed and offended by this. Perhaps this makes me evil. But I'm just being brutally honest.

I feel really down about myself now. I suppose everyone is going to tell me that my personality must suck or that maybe my face is ugly. Without trying to big myself up I get told I'm pretty a lot even by strangers there's not a week that goes by without someone saying it to me and that is face to face not on line. This week I've had 3 people tell me so 2 at the gym and one friend of a friend. I get approached a lot but rarely asked out. When I look in the mirror at my face I don't feel pretty at all though but I do think I have a decent body only because I workout most days. I get told I'm nice, sweet and innocent but I actually think this is actually my downfall and the reason no one wants to date me.

So what can I do?
Am I a bad person?
Should I care if I'm bad? Sometimes I think that's what I need to be.

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Reply 1

AperfectBalance

It does not make you evil. anyway sorry to hear and good luck

Reply 2

Lambert87

Sometimes you can't help who you fall for... Regardless if she is obese or not he obviously sees something in her... That shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself

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Reply 3

Lucasium

Maybe she offers him food

Reply 4

Virgili

I don't think it makes you a bad person, you are rightly insecure that someone you consider far less attractive was chosen over you.

Not everyone has good taste, don't take it personally.

Reply 5

TorpidPhil

Personality >>> Looks for an actual relationship any day.

The fact that you are upset that your crush chose someone who was less physically attractive than you and it clearly is bothering you quite a lot, says it all to me tbh.

Being sweet, nice and innocent is a good start.

Try being ambitious and passionate too and cooking meals for me as well. You got all of those things and a nice body?

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 6

Zarek

So, we all lose out at times to someone else and its not always clear why and pretty frustrating. But to turn on your love rival and use a pretty unpleasant insult does you no favours. Bounce back and play to your strengths.

Reply 7

user382

Maybe he's a feeder? :dontknow:

Reply 8

Virgili

Original post by TorpidPhil

Two most important qualities for me are honour and laughter, I don't care if you're a model if you're a horrible person you're going to stress me out.

Reply 9

hhannah_b

And what if she's obese - maybe he likes her for who she is. Not everyone chooses their girlfriends or boyfriends because of how they look - personality often has something to do with it. Perhaps he has more in common with the other girl. Don't be too disheartened by this, maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Reply 10

user382

Original post by Anonymous

Perhaps you need to start going after what you want.

The nice people often lose out I'm afraid.

Reply 11

TorpidPhil

Original post by Virgili

Two most important qualities for me are honour and laughter, I don't care if you're a model if you're a horrible person you're going to stress me out.

Meh, personally I find both of those a bit of a 'cop-out'.

I mean honour is just a given. Literally nobody would want someone who wouldn't commit to them - that's just a bad partner by definition.

And comedy/humour... Everyone defines 'funny' differently because we all have different senses of humour. And I feel if I spend a lot of time with people I eventually see the funny side in their humour anyway even if it was not originally what I would find funny. So it's not even a big deal. So long as they have some sense of humour. Some don't, I know, but it's literally like 10% of people...

Reply 12

Retired_Messiah

I imagine it's more to do with him sorta just clicking better personality wise with the obese girl rather than anything to do with you being somehow inadequate.

Spoiler

Original post by Anonymous

I get told I'm nice, sweet and innocent but I actually think this is actually my downfall and the reason no one wants to date me.

To be blunt, that makes no real rational sense.

Original post by Anonymous

So what can I do?
Am I a bad person?
Should I care if I'm bad? Sometimes I think that's what I need to be.

No need to do anything
You're not a bad person
That last question is too philosophical for a thread on the relationships section

Reply 13

ODES_PDES

Some men like "big" girls

Reply 14

samina_ay

what's wrong with her being obese though - seems like you missed the opportunity when you had it, no-one waits foreverrrrrrrr

Reply 15

chikane

Maybe he connected with her and couldn't with you? she may be physically unattractive to you however if he has formed a deep emotional bond with her then he won't care how she looks.
I don't think this guy felt the same about you and looks isn't everything i would rather have an emotional bond with someone rather then have someone pretty to look at who i don't have a connection with.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by chikane

I know but that is even worse in some ways... Why am I not good enough for an emotional connection? :frown:

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by samina_ay

what's wrong with her being obese though - seems like you missed the opportunity when you had it, no-one waits foreverrrrrrrr

No I confessed to him that I had feelings for him earlier this year and he said he was unsure of his. I probably should have mentioned that in my first post.

Reply 18

username155270

Maybe she's just easier to deal with you know? They say fat girls have less expectations and are more passive.

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

Original post by ODES_PDES

Some men like "big" girls

But he says he fancies all these skinny bombshell celebrities like Miranda Kerr, Shakira and Angelina Jolie so I don't know why he'd then go and get a 'big' girl in real life.