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Lost all my personality since splitting up with ex

Hey all,

I am in my late 20's and I recently split with my long term boyfriend, I was living in his house (he was a few years old than me, not much) and I have recently gone into a houseshare.

I used to be really fun, outgoing, sociable... I seemed to have lost all my personality. I don't want to (therefore nor do I) speak to anyone, I sit up in my room every evening (after work) I don't go out, I am miserable...

I don't know what to do? I feel like I am just existing not really living anymore

Reply 1

phunky_fresh

Go outside? Be social. Staying inside clearly isn't doing anything for you.

Reply 2

CON5P1RACY K1D

Original post by Anonymous

This is quite common when couples split up. here's what you do..

1. Go out with ur friends
2. Forget about ur bf
3. Party like its 1999

Reply 3

MagicNMedicine

I think it depends how long you have been like this.

It's normal to go in to a period of reflection and not feel like you want to be out partying. I've been in the situation before where something stressful has happened like a break up and I've tried to keep myself too busy to notice and it's just hung over me for a while and then several months later it's all come to a head. So it's worth allowing yourself time to adjust. A lot of people give patronising advice like "forget about them, they weren't worthy of you, go out and pull lol" but this isn't a realistic way to get over a meaningful relationship.

Over time things naturally right themselves. As the shock of the break-up fades in to the past, you're still sad, but your ability to get back in to participating in life improves.

If you get stuck in this situation in the long term then it's best to go to your GP and get help. If you get stuck permanently miserable it can be because you're deliberately (unconsciously) prolonging it as a form of denial. Sometimes people want to be mournful as a kind of tribute to the relationship ie wanting to prove that the relationship was so special that you will never be the same again. But this becomes more and more destructive as you end up withdrawing from society.

In terms of getting out and doing stuff, I don't think partying and drinking is a good answer but taking up something new is a good thing. Solo type activities can be good as well like fitness, cycling etc especially things that give you results eg making you feel better about your body. I think partly the feeling bad about a break up is feeling like you weren't good enough and won't find someone else. After a break up I started working out more and a few months later I did notice I looked a lot fitter and healthier and started getting compliments from people which massively helped me because it enabled me to feel like I had options for future partners.

Reply 4

Confused&Curious

I felt exactly the same a few years ago. I started to MAKE myself go out and do things. I would 'dare' myself to go out of my comfort zone. I started to go out more, meet new people. Just take little steps. Organise a little get together/night out with the people that you house share with.

I still 'dare' myself now- nothing silly, just little things like going on karaoke or putting myself up for a role at university!