Road to Real Life

I.
I'm not gonna lie, 2016 has been pretty awful. You know when bad things happen and you tell yourself that things can't possibly get worse but they somehow do and you find yourself trapped in a vicious cycle? When you think you've hit rock bottom but you somehow manage to drill yourself deeper and deeper into said rock until you reach the centre of the earth and discover it's actually 10,800°F and way more hotter and messier than you anticipated?

Yeah, that.

That is 2016 in two carelessly-crafted metaphors even the 50 Shades of Grey author would cringe at. I apologise in advance to any of you TSRians who are fans of the series for that inkling of an insult. Yes, I could easily Google her name but no, I don't want to taint my browser history with the shame.
#Word #SpittingBars #Rhyme #RapGodInTheMaking #EminemWho #MochaPlsStopYouAreEmbarrassingYourself

Wait, actually, no, I take the apology back.
Please click on the following link: [url="Mocha's Road to Reality I. I'm not gonna lie, 2016 has been pretty awful. You know when bad things happen and you tell yourself that things can't possibly get worse but they somehow do and you find yourself trapped in a vicious cycle? When you think you've hit rock bottom but you somehow manage to drill yourself deeper and deeper into said rock until you reach the centre of the earth and discover it's actually 10,800°F and way more hotter and messier than you anticipated? Yeah, that. That is 2016 in two, carelessly-crafted metaphors even the 50 Shades of Grey author would cringe at. I apologise in advance to any of you TSRians who are fans of the series for that inkling of an insult. Yes, I could easily Google her name but no, I don't want to taint my browser history with the shame. #Word #SpittingBars #Rhyme #RapGodInTheMaking #EminemWho #MochaPlsStopYouAreEmbarrassingYourself Wait, actually, no, I take the apology back. Please click on the following link: https://www.goodreads.com and discover a world of literature you never even knew existed until now. *insert Shia LaBoeuf gif. here* Poetic crap and 'I'm-a-Lit-student-so-I-have-to-sound-well-read' facade aside, 2016 has been worser than worse, if such a level of worse-ness is even possible. But don't sigh and click the 'back' button on your browser just yet. I'm not writing this blog to pour my heart out - there's a lotta deep, dark stuff lurking around in that nifty organ but it's not about to spill just yet. I know that's disappointing to hear because drama follows me on this site like it's my shadow - wowee, I am killing it with these literary devices (and not in a good way either) - however, I think it's time all that changes, don't you? Thus, this blog will be a sporadic collection of my feeble attempts at spending less time on the internet...and then coming back on the internet to report my life findings to you guys. Because: a) who doesn't love a bit of an existential crisis? b) who doesn't love a bit of irony?"]https://www.goodreads.com

II.
Today went well.
'Well' in the sense that it consisted of zero drama and zero...well, everything.

Did I get out of bed early? No.
Did I do anything productive? No.
Did I plan on today's activities being more ironic than my last post? No.
Did that happen though? Yes. Yes, it did.

I watched 'Catfish'.

I blather about wanting to get off the internet and reduce my cyber-socialising only to go on the internet and whack a film on about a guy who had an online thingamajig with a woman over Facebook only to find out she wasn't who she said she was.

Sound familiar? 1 in 5 TSR users experience this. It's true. Ask anybody. And by anybody, I mean ask nobody because I made that up.

I actually wrote an essay about this (<<<psychoanalysis of virtual correspondences>>>) except, I had no idea what I was talking about and I ended up with a 2:1. Life isn't all bad.

The point I'm trying to make though is that...*brain farts*...

I had this great post planned out in my head about online relationships, dating sites, and even the syntax/timing of instant messaging and the likes. I take this stuff so seriously that Nev Schulman should make me his third detective sidekick buddy on his MTV show (also of the same name as the film I watched). And no, it's not because it would be cool to be on TV. It's also not because I think he's cute. It's certainly not because I think he has a nice smile too, sssshhhhh already.

I know I'm off to a pretty bad start with this 'real life' shizzness but hold your breath, guys because my full driving licence finally came in the post today.

You realise what that means right? It means I can be the designated driver on the catfishing sleuthing sessions with Nev () and Mark!

No, seriously, it means I can actually get a car and go out and do REAL LIFE THINGS.
*gasp shock horror as TSR user clutches their chest and asks what real life is*

Hold on a sec, lemme make a list of the things I'd be able to do: grocery shopping, drag races (lol jk pls no reckless driving xoxo), road trips and trips to the seaside to soak in some sun!
*gasp shock horror x2 as TSR user dies asking what the sun is*

Here's to hoping Wednesday is a wild one.