Roommate keeps taking my money

So I have this roommate who decided it was a wonderful idea to use pretty much all of her student loan, minus accommodation, on partying, drinking etc.
Now that she doesn't have any money left, she constantly pesters me about it and begs for my money. She guilt trips me by telling me that she is 'starving' and can't concentrate on her revision. How anyone can go to a point like this is beyond me. I feel like I am raising a grown child. What makes it worse is that this is her second year of Uni, so you would expect for her to be able to manage her money properly, but no.
Anyway, I've asked her to contact the university's finance office and maybe ask for an emergency loan but she has refused. I myself haven't got that much money for myself let alone feeding and basically caring for someone else.
I've tried sitting down and talking to her but she just won't listen. Any suggestions on what I should do?

1.

Be upfront and tell her you don't have the money to keep supporting her, show her how much she is spending and if you must tell her enough is enough, but in the meanwhile give her an allowance that you reduce over time. It sounds really odd but bulk buy things from stores like Costco and make a giant amount of food like curries, pasta sauces or chilies and freeze them down in single or double portions, it is so much cheaper in the long run if you need extra cash for yourself.

Reply 21

Idkwhatthisis

OP

Original post by antebellum

She can always earn your money through sexual favours

Haha, we're both straight girls :tongue:

Original post by thefatone

i see so it's your fault she can't manage her money properly?

Nope, I would hardly ever go out with her.

Original post by AperfectBalance

You may be her friend but she is using you

Maybe, but perhaps one day she might look back on this, should I ever need help financially, and help me too.

Original post by lucy_98

try and help her "find a job" if it's difficult for you to completely cut her off?

She's completely against the idea of having a job, but I'll try looking into a part time job that she can take on that she might enjoy.

Original post by teatreeninja

Sometimes you just have to be blunt, if she's wasted her money and not managed it properly it isn't your concern especially if you don't have much money either as a student.

That's true, she's just a very stubborn person and doesn't really want to listen to my advice.

Original post by Klix88

No she isn't - she's using you. Good friends don't do that.

Deal with it. Nobody can control your feelings for you.

Then she needs to learn that actions have consequences and she has to suffer those consequences. Otherwise she'll just carry on behaving like this. By giving her money, you're enabling the behaviour you so dislike. You could stop it tomorrow by cutting her cash off.

Good. Force her to use them.

Plenty of other people study and revise with part-time jobs. Why should she be any different? She's just a selfish lazy user. Why should she work when she can use you as a cash machine?

So you've established that she's lying then. And how can she afford a phone if she has no money?

Then don't feel guilty. Nobody controls your feelings except you. And you can point out the things I've raised here in response.

Then stop being a pushover and grow up. It doesn't help her case - it's just you being weak.

a) Not a friend - see above. b) She's using the fact that you have few friends, against you. You are effectively buying her services as a false friend. That's up to you. You can decide to keep buying her pretend friendship if you want - maybe it's worth the cost if you're that desperate? You'll never hear from her again once you stop sharing a place with her, this I guarantee.

There is no try. Either do, or do not. If you give her money, that's your choice. The thing about actions/consequences applies to you as well. Stop whinging that you don't like it. If you don't like it that much, stop doing it. It really is that simple,

The pair of you need to grow up.

I guess it's easier said than done tbh, we've been friends long before any of these problems occurred so I don't doubt our friendship, though I do admit she is being very lazy but maybe she just sees that as an easier option which, like you said, is because I'm making my money easily accessible to her.

Reply 22

Idkwhatthisis

OP

Original post by MaskedOne00

One answer-
KYS FAGGOT!

Spoiler

Already suggested that :tongue:

but she's not willing to listen however I'll try and have a serious talk with her today.

Original post by NinaSlade

1.

Be upfront and tell her you don't have the money to keep supporting her, show her how much she is spending and if you must tell her enough is enough, but in the meanwhile give her an allowance that you reduce over time. It sounds really odd but bulk buy things from stores like Costco and make a giant amount of food like curries, pasta sauces or chilies and freeze them down in single or double portions, it is so much cheaper in the long run if you need extra cash for yourself.

I think the reducing idea is really good! I'll definitely do that, thanks! :smile:

Reply 23

William Pitt

14

Just share with her a just proportion of your money for your mutual benefit of gaining education; I am sure she'll be greatful one day

Reply 24

Klix88

17

Ask her how she pays for her phone.

Reply 25

Reue

20

Original post by Idkwhatthisis

She's completely against the idea of having a job

Lmao. Ditch this sorry excuse for a friend.

Reply 26

PlGLET

3

Give her a pot noodle & say it's the last thing she'll be getting from you.

PlGLET

Reply 27

Idkwhatthisis

OP

Original post by William Pitt

Just share with her a just proportion of your money for your mutual benefit of gaining education; I am sure she'll be greatful one day

That's what I've been doing up till now but I realised I won't have enough to last either of us until the end of the year

Original post by Klix88

Ask her how she pays for her phone.

Idk I haven't really get asked, maybe her parents pay, or her phone is Sim-only? Or maybe she set aside enough money for her phone contract too?

Original post by Reue

Lmao. Ditch this sorry excuse for a friend.

Haha, any other alternatives?

Original post by PlGLET

Give her a pot noodle & say it's the last thing she'll be getting from you.

PlGLET

😂😂

Reply 28

2710

18

Disgusting. Tell her to not splash her money if she can't deal with the consequences. I used to work 2 part time jobs at the same time whilst studying, alhough not during exam period.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 29

blssup

Buy her a 5kg bag of rice and tell her to go buck wild on it.

Reply 30

Laurenafenete

9

Tbh I dont think she sounds like a friend at all! Friends dont do that and if she's resorting to stealing your money then thats theft. I would cut her off and if she steals any more money from you go and tell the uni

Reply 31

Klix88

17

Original post by Idkwhatthisis

maybe her parents pay,

Then they can pay for her food. I can't imagine they'd prefer her to be able to text whilst she starves.

or her phone is Sim-only?

That doesn't make it free, just cheaper. She's still paying for it with something.

Or maybe she set aside enough money for her phone contract too?

Then she can set aside enough money for her food.

Haha, any other alternatives?

Haha No. Haha The only way to stop her taking money from you, is to stop giving her money. Haha.

Reply 32

Novascope

17

Have no sympathy for students who blow their loan on stupid ****. You had enough sense to realise this is essentially money needed to survive (unless your parents help you out) so you shouldn't be putting yourself into a situation where you're strapped for cash because of an idiot.

Reply 33

DarkMagic

17

Original post by Idkwhatthisis

She's completely against the idea of having a job, but I'll try looking into a part time job that she can take on that she might enjoy.

A lot of people are against the idea of having a job but take one anyway because they need the money. This girl really needs a reality check.

You need to decide what's more important to you, this girl's 'friendship', or the ability to support yourself financially? Ask yourself how you'd feel if you supported her for the rest of the year and then she found other friends over the summer and ditched you.

Just tell her you genuinely can't afford to give her any more money, surely she knows she can't use you forever anyway?

Reply 34

SophieSmall

21

Stop being a doormat. The word no is very easy to say, especially to someone as stupid like your flatmate. If she was really that desperate she would go to the university and ask for a hardship fund, but instead she is being a selfish and lazy little cow and mooching off of you. I don't care how "good" of a friend you claim she is...she clearly isn't. Friends don't put each other in these situations, especially when there are alternative options. A friend also wouldn't start blaming you or make you feel guilty if you try to help them by giving advice or pointing out what they are doing that is not helping their situation.

Long story short, you are being fobbed off and she isn't an actual friend. Please grow a backbone and realise you're being taken for an idiot.

Reply 35

Betelgeuse-

19

How much sex is she giving you?

Reply 36

jonathanemptage

21

Original post by Idkwhatthisis

So I have this roommate who decided it was a wonderful idea to use pretty much all of her student loan, minus accommodation, on partying, drinking etc.
Now that she doesn't have any money left, she constantly pesters me about it and begs for my money. She guilt trips me by telling me that she is 'starving' and can't concentrate on her revision. How anyone can go to a point like this is beyond me. I feel like I am raising a grown child. What makes it worse is that this is her second year of Uni, so you would expect for her to be able to manage her money properly, but no.
Anyway, I've asked her to contact the university's finance office and maybe ask for an emergency loan but she has refused. I myself haven't got that much money for myself let alone feeding and basically caring for someone else.
I've tried sitting down and talking to her but she just won't listen. Any suggestions on what I should do?

tell her it's her own damn fault if she's really that ask her parents for money or get a job but you not paying that might help.

Reply 37

username1560589

20

Tell her to get an overdraft.

Reply 38

Puddles the Monkey

21

You need to stand up to her and say "no". This is a difficult thing to do at first but the sooner you learn how to say no to people, the better. :h:

Next time she asks you for money, just politely say that you can't give her any - she will soon get the message and stop asking. :h:

Real friends don't use you as a free piggy bank because they can't get their lives together - she isn't "starving". She has plenty of options to get money at university. She can get a job, she can speak to university welfare or she can get an additional loan.

If she drops you because you won't pay out then consider that a dodged bullet and a blessing. I promise you that this isn't the kind of person you want to keep in your life.

You also said she's one of your only close friends, so it sounds like you need to make some new ones. :smile:

It takes time, but meeting new people and making new friendships will be really good for you and help you understand that this kind of begging and guilt tripping behaviour isn't normal.

Good luck :dumbells: