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Boyfriend is driving me mad!

My boyfriend and his family are really aggravating me and I don't know how to approach this without insulting him. His parents split up almost a year ago and his mother doesn't drive so when she wants a lift anywhere he will drop what he's doing with me to go and drive her wherever. He knows it annoys me, but just says well I'm not going to leave her stranded. He has a brother and sister who both drive, who never chip in and do their fair share of lifts and he never received any petrol money (for someone unemployed his mother is making him drive quite far which is requiring a lot of money). Today we went shopping as its my day off work and then last minute he suggests his mum to come, and I want to spend my day off with my partner not his mother as well, the drive to the shopping centre is around 14 miles there and back and she takes AGES shopping so we leave her there at the shopping centre and we come home in hope that one of his siblings would pick her up, but no yet again my boyfriend is left to pick her up and do the 14 mile round journey again, at peak rush hour time. I was just about to cook dinner for us both but now I am having to put that on hold in order for his mother to get home. Should I be angry as this keeps happening now and I'm beginning to get really irritated? I just don't know how to approach the situation as I'm getting very bitter toward his family.
It's kind of hard because it's his mum. Have you told him how you feel? Could you try and set aside X amount of time which is for you two with no interruptions... so for example, you always have tuesday nights which are 'you time' and he tells his mum he won't be available on that day but on other occasions you cut him some slack cos he is allowed to prioritise his mum. Try not to be annoyed about money etc as that is really up to your boyfriend, the issue for you is that he keeps running out on dates when you're about to eat and stuff.
How old is his mum? Does she have any health problems?

I don't have a car at the minute and have to take the bus or walk - it really isn't a big deal. Is he a bit of a mummy's boy anyway? Taking her places would be relatively normal if they lived in the same town, but it's a bit weird given the distance.

Talk to him about it. Think about what you're going to say though and don't just get angry and agressive about it. He probably feels bad for her because of the divorce. Suggest alternatives.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend and his family are really aggravating me and I don't know how to approach this without insulting him. His parents split up almost a year ago and his mother doesn't drive so when she wants a lift anywhere he will drop what he's doing with me to go and drive her wherever. He knows it annoys me, but just says well I'm not going to leave her stranded. He has a brother and sister who both drive, who never chip in and do their fair share of lifts and he never received any petrol money (for someone unemployed his mother is making him drive quite far which is requiring a lot of money). Today we went shopping as its my day off work and then last minute he suggests his mum to come, and I want to spend my day off with my partner not his mother as well, the drive to the shopping centre is around 14 miles there and back and she takes AGES shopping so we leave her there at the shopping centre and we come home in hope that one of his siblings would pick her up, but no yet again my boyfriend is left to pick her up and do the 14 mile round journey again, at peak rush hour time. I was just about to cook dinner for us both but now I am having to put that on hold in order for his mother to get home. Should I be angry as this keeps happening now and I'm beginning to get really irritated? I just don't know how to approach the situation as I'm getting very bitter toward his family.


Absolutely no reason for you to be mad about him taking care of his mother. In my opinion you are being a bit too insensitive. You should be happy to see that your boyfriend is a caring person and is a good family person. Try not to be so bitter about his actions. Also, it is none of your business whether his mother pays him for the petrol or not, and it is none of your business if it is expensive for him to drive that distance either. Moreover, it is none of your business if his siblings chip in or not, and you have no reason to be irritated by them.

You are taking the wrong approach in dealing with this evidently complicated situation. I would advise you to be more supportive and caring towards him. I understand that you feel left out but you must understand that , that is his mother. I would do the same if that were my mother.

However, I do think he should speak to his mother in a mature manner and explain that he is not getting enough time to get on with his own life. There should be a balance.

But at the end of the day, do not get angry. If you don't like the situation that much, then leave.
Reply 4
Avatar for spv
spv
14
Original post by Chicken Bacon
x


^^^I second that. His parents are separated, and now the mum is stranded in her own way. He has to look after her, if his useless siblings don't look after her, isn't it good that he IS? It's his MOTHER FFS. Not some rando friend, so NO you shouldn't be angry. Deal with it. If he looks after her like that, shouldn't that be an inkling how you'll be treated in the long run.
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 5
Avatar for Shueb95
Shueb95
9
Dump him

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