Confused about my identity...

Hi,

Let me take you back a notch.

I am from a 'rough area, my family come from Afghanistan/Pakistan but we are a minority group and aren't one of the major ones in either country. Anyways whenever I speak to people and tell them that I'm from this place originally blah blah blah they expect me to be some next emotionless serious guy also considering where I live people have to prove themselves here, I'm not geeky or edgy but I just got my own interests that i don't share with people especially stuff like music because it seems bad that I enjoy certain type of stuff like that.

In all honesty I'm expected to be a stoic male, even from my family, and the most mature as I'm the oldest, but I'm not, I can't relate to my own culture, I can't relate to British culture, I just don't know what I am, what to do, and how I should follow customs and rules. Traditionally you follow your parents, but I don't know, I just find it hard.

bump

Original post by Anonymous

Spoiler

You are who you want to be. Do you know what you want in life?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by xylas

You are who you want to be. Do you know what you want in life?

in all honestly no

Reply 4

xylas

Original post by Anonymous

in all honestly no

Then you probably want what everyone else want. To be happy. To feel fulfilled. To be surrounded by people who love you.

Do you have any of these?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by xylas

Then you probably want what everyone else want. To be happy. To feel fulfilled. To be surrounded by people who love you.

Do you have any of these?

Yes of course, but I still feel pressure by people to just be a rough tough man

Reply 6

xylas

Original post by Anonymous

Yes of course, but I still feel pressure by people to just be a rough tough man

Then I wouldn't worry about that. Just continue being who you are and keep doing what you want no matter what other people want from you.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by xylas

Then I wouldn't worry about that. Just continue being who you are and keep doing what you want no matter what other people want from you.

Thanks but its not easy i guess

bump

who's pressuring you to be a big man?? are you at university?
do you not enjoy your culture?
sounds like you're pashtun but just remember that ethnicity isn't the same as nationality. Afghan/Pakistan are both very diverse and have lots of different ethnic groups with different traditions etc.

Reply 10

amelia_lily

Just be yourself. Don't let the opinion of others define you.

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

Guessing your a pashtun. As they are originally an afghan ethnicity, i understand the whole manly thing.

Also ethnic groups differ in traditions culture etc slightly to one another in Afghanistan. And even within the pashtun ethnic group, there is alot of diversity in terms traditions.

No one needs to act manly though just need to be a good person.

Reply 12

Anonymous #4

OP if you're Pashtun stop being a little kuni and go kill your sheep

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

OP if you're Pashtun stop being a little kuni and go kill your sheep

wow. why the racism, i love all afghans and pakistanis

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah thanks very much but it isn't encouraged much, I joked with my dad that I was going to become the next Shafiq Mureed then he told me to stop being such a little girl and follow life as a normal man, sigh...
he's gonna get me married soon aswel

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

No probs. How old are you?
They should not really force you to get married when you do not want to. Explain nicely to them, using islam as the proof as then they may understand.

That is if you do not want to get married.

And no man should show they are tough and hard etc that is not what is important. Your character is important in the way you behave with others etc. For example our prophet Mohammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam just use him as an example to your parents and they will surely understand.

Also you have to understand your parents too as they may have certain expectations from you as you are the oldest. This is quite a common thing to happen in most cultures. Some may be baseless but try your best to listen to them and respect them when they are not.

Wish you all best and may Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alamake it easier for you :smile: