The benefits of celibacy

Shirley Yanez, 54, a life coach from Leicester, has not had sex for nine yearsI had been sexually active from about 13 and was never really told anything about the dangers of unprotected sex. When I was 16 I had an abortion, but I carried on being carefree and thoughtless until my mid-thirties, when I met the man of my dreams. We got married and started trying for a baby. After about six months I decided to see a gynaecologist and to my horror discovered I had blocked fallopian tubes and was infertile. I had had chlamydia. My sexual behaviour had ruined my opportunity to settle down; I couldn't give my husband the baby he desperately wanted, and the marriage ended.
In my forties I set up a head-hunting firm in the City and gave up sex to focus on the business. I became more and more successful, but also more lonely. Then, in 1999, I went to Los Angeles to be maid of honour for my best friend. The best man was very attractive and, after a lot to drink, I went to bed with him. The sex was brilliant. I married him the next week, gave up my business, sold my house, put all my money into stocks and moved to LA.But in 2000 the stock market crashed and I lost pretty much everything within a couple of weeks. The new husband didn't appear to be he person that he was when I had money. We divorced within a year.

In 2005, still in LA, I collapsed and was rushed to hospital. They told me I had a massive fibroid in my uterus and needed a full hysterectomy, which would cost thousands of dollars I didn't have; I couldn't afford medical insurance. Thankfully my old business partner sent me a ticket home and within a week I'd seen an NHS surgeon, who told me the fibroid could also be due to chlamydia.While I recovered I had to sign on. Going to the job centre as an ex-millionaire felt awful. However, I was still alive. I began to see that my life of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll had been my downfall – celibacy was the way forward. Now I run a website for women, venuscow.com, and do workshops where I talk about celibacy.I try to explain to young girls that the risks they might run now can have devastating consequences in future, but I also meet a lot of mature women who are recently divorced, and, having had a terrible knock, are throwing themselves into relationships with younger men.A lot of these women are inexperienced and don't realise that STDs are on the increase or understand that giving your body to a complete stranger when you're already in turmoil is really risky. I'm not saying that I will definitely never have sex again, but I will never be reckless with sex again.


If that's not motive enough to stay celibate then I don't know what is.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/8168531/No-sex-please-the-joys-of-a-celibate-life.html

Education is the answer, not celibacy.

For some people celibacy could solve a lot of problems. Too many people make stupid decisions in the name of love or even for the momentary overrated pleasure of sex. It's a valid lifestyle choice and you can't dismiss it.

Solve their problems? By trading one extreme for another?

I can dismiss it and I have because it is not for everyone. If she is happy being celibate, great for her. But that is never going to fly for the majority of people, nor is it the best option they can take to avoid screwing up their lives. Educating people so they are aware of the consequences their actions lead to is far healthier than teaching people that sex is bad and should be avoided at all costs. Repression only masks the issue, knowledge brings you the power to identify these issues so that we can make informed choices.

just because it's not for you doesn't mean it's not a valid choice for some people. it's not an extreme. celibacy is not about denial or repression. it's about finding joy and satisfaction in things other than sex. it sounds like you could do with some educating on these issues yourself.
personally I think everyone could benefit from a period of celibacy but I'm not trying to convert anyone. I just want to make the idea of it more widely accepted and reduce the social alienation of people who don't find satisfaction in sexual or romantic relationships.

just because it's not for you doesn't mean it's not a valid choice for some people. it's not an extreme. celibacy is not about denial or repression. it's about finding joy and satisfaction in things other than sex. it sounds like you could do with some educating on these issues yourself.
personally I think everyone could benefit from a period of celibacy but I'm not trying to convert anyone. I just want to make the idea of it more widely accepted and reduce the social alienation of people who don't find satisfaction in sexual or romantic relationships.

just because it's not for you doesn't mean it's not a valid choice for some people. it's not an extreme. celibacy is not about denial or repression. it's about finding joy and satisfaction in things other than sex. it sounds like you could do with some educating on these issues yourself.
personally I think everyone could benefit from a period of celibacy but I'm not trying to convert anyone. I just want to make the idea of it more widely accepted and reduce the social alienation of people who don't find satisfaction in sexual or romantic relationships.

As someone who is celibate currently and well educated on the decision and sex in general, I think I know what I'm talking about and my opinion on the subject is just as valid as yours, so don't be patronising. You're posting on a platform for discussion and that's what you're getting. I'm not attacking your view, I'm debating it.

Everyone who chooses celibacy does it for a different reason. I know someone personally picking celibacy for both right and wrong reasons. She knows she is addicted to the thrill of sex, with anybody and everybody and so she has decided to be celibate for the time being. While I advocate her choice because it currently keeping her safe from diseases and unwanted pregnancies etc. It is not the 'answer' to her issue. It's masking the problem. Because she's decided that in not having sex, the problem has gone, but it hasn't, she's just traded one extreme for another. Overindulgence or severely limiting her desires. It's not hard to see how celibacy here in this example is helping to keep her safe whilst also not allowing her to confront 'why' it is she cannot have a healthy, balanced attitude towards sex. By no means am I stating that all celibate people are like this, as I am not, but it exists. What that woman in your post does with her life is her choice and I'm happy that she's happy. But it is unhelpful to suggest that celibacy is a 'cure' for everyone's problems, or that everyone should do it. We have a right to argue it is not for us while you have a right to suggest that it is.

Your post was not about people who aren't finding pleasure in their sexual relationships, it was about people who made poor life choices and are trying to make sure they don't make the same mistake by taking the temptation away from themselves. Those are two completely different things. Again, education is the key. Not celibacy. Celibacy is just one of many choices that can be made when you're educated in how it can suit your lifestyle and future goals. While I understand your opinion, I disagree and have the right to voice why.

It is denial, that is like saying because I enjoy food I also can't take pleasure in Russian literature. It is a need more basic than that like hunger or thirst if it wasn't our biology wouldn't be so extreme about it. Yes you can deny it, but frankly it's no different to say fasting, which is denial of another basic need, and I think fasting is a pretty dumb choice as well unless done to reduce poverty / war.

I think suppression of a basic need is extreme.

complete nonsense. sex isn't a need like food or water. your first sentence doesn't even make any sense. people can survive without sex and have done so and gone to lead successful lives.

food or water are basic needs. sex is an instinct that you can choose to follow or not.

Why do you care so much?