Why is my bf like this, is it me?

With all due respect you're seeing it from a girls perspective. I'm able to see it from the guys perspective, I truly have no idea how the girl feels. I didn't say anything over than what the guy could potentially be thinking, because women always paint guys in the worst possible light because of their reactions, and not there pre-actions. So I thought I'd balance it, and additionally you're really making a mockery of truly horrific abusive partners, he just seems to get angry easily. He's not beating her, so don't try that abusive rubbish.

People are so biased on here, swear I spent 50% of my time just offering opposing views that I don't even agree with just to open people's eyes.

Btw people have different standards. His "shouting and swearing" could be normal for him, so he may not see it as a horrible thing to do unless you tell him. Some people are really opposed to swearing, and therefore have no respect for people that use swear words frequently. So does that mean that all people who swear a lot are abusive and awful people. No, it's all perspective.

Just re-read your post. It's clear you're listing excuses by pretending to psycho-analyse him and justify his rude words.

Sorry, I don't know what kind of people you hang out with and what kind of behaviour you view as healthy. But if what he said to her is considered normal for you, I'd seriously consider meeting new people.

The bits in bold are bits I strongly disagree with. The first bit is incredibly sexist, as you're generalising all women and all men.

Secondly, as someone who has been in an abusive relationship I can tell you right now that you don't have to physically assault someone to abuse them.

My ex forbade me from wearing skirts, dresses, makeup, jewellery, clothes of certain colours, heels, shorts, and low cut t shirts. I wasn't allowed to wear my hair down, I wasn't allowed to talk to men (not even my best friend of 15 years), and he constantly accused me of sleeping with people, from my boss to my 13 year old (at the time) brother, as well as accusing me about lying about where I was an who I was with. I also wasn't allowed out without permission, and if I wanted to leave he'd threaten to kill himself and it would all be my fault.

But if he never physically hit me, it's not abuse? You're the one trivialising sufferers of abuse by saying it can only be physical, not me.

My boyfriend has been helping out at a sports meet today and i went too but wasnt really needed so just watched most of the day. He asked me to help him with some equipment stands which i did. However i dreaded it beforehand as he usually gets irritated with me. Lo and behold i didnt put the stand away as he wanted and he started swearing saying '****ing useless, wake up, get out of bed earlier'. So i walked off went to the toilets and cried a bit in a cubicle lol. I never cry in front of others and i probably was being soft but it brought feelings i have about feeling useless in general life as i can be dopy.

He rang me twice but i didnt answer as i didnt want him to know it upset me. I went to him half an hour later and he put his arm around me and said 'friends?' I just squirted some orange tinted water at him jokingly and said that i was going to nip home for a bit but i wasnt sure if he heard as he got iterrupted. In all honesty I thought why should i stand waiting for him when he insults me plus i had jobs to be doing at home until he had finished there. I went to my car and he rang. I said i was nipping home he said something in annoyed tone then hung up.

I rang him twice hours later but no answer. He sent a text asked what i was doing i said just jobs in the house he replied 'just feels like another wasted weekend'. In the past he said we dont spend enough time together so i took it to mean that it was because of me going home. I replied 'Theres been a sports comp all day cant help that. After watching events I didnt want to stand around for longer doing nothing they didnt need help so came home did washing etc'

He replied 'what a load of bull'.

I replied 'So cant say what i did cause its bull and am in the wrong for going home for a bit, ok.'
He said again 'what a load of bull'. I didnt know what else to reply so just put 'good reply, i might save that for my drafts'.

Sorty if this bored you to death but just wanted opinions. Is it me thats too sensitive/in the wrong or whatever?

I posted after the original post and pointed this out ..that swearing/getting irritated is what he is used to at work. Overall most people would say he is a decent person even though he has had lots of relationships which have ended for some reason or other. I have looked at it from his side but it seems you havent seen the post. Ive put myself in his position tried to reverse the situation and thought well i wouldnt mind if my partner nipped home, i dont get the issue.

Im aware that no relationship issue is due to just one partner, both have faults and mine are showing lack of passion and not communicating well. I dont like telling people what i really think/feel expecially him as he has strong opinions. I do need to be more assertive but i cant imagine a very assertive person being in a successful relationship with him (though might be wrong).

Seriously? Best case scenario this is a guy with anger issues that is rubbish at portraying what he wants from someone, but just really wants to spend time with her more often, and doesn't understand that people can't just always be available to spend time with you. Worst case scenario he's just a selfish bully, but the fact you jump straight to the worst case scenario when they're equally plausable just shows that you had an opinion before you even knew the whole situation. I can't fault you for it, we all fall for our own prejudgements sometimes. You just need to be able to see it.

I'll explain why I say this stuff. I have a brother who has slight anger issues, well, I don't actually know what they're called but he will very quickly get enraged and start swearing at people. This has gotten him beaten up a few times, he's lost friends and girlfriends because of all the single breakouts. It only happens a couple times a year, but he just goes from angry to wanting to kill you in seconds. But I can honestly say he is such a kind guy beyond that, always been the most thoughtful out of all my siblings, always had the best heart and been the least selfish. But people view him a horrible person because of his rare, but still evident, outbursts. I just don't think it's fair that everyone always assumes the worst case scenario. He's young, and learning, but people are just different and for the OP's bf, what you view as verbal abuse may just be being angry for him. Just saying I'm not saying it's definitely the case, but it's so clearly a possibility that this guy has good intentions but awful experience and therefore an awful way of showing it.

My ex forbade me from wearing skirts, dresses, makeup, jewellery, clothes of certain colours, heels, shorts, and low cut t shirts. I wasn't allowed to wear my hair down

I don't get what he did wrong? You're both being equally childish.

Let me explain it from his perspective, cos most guys are similar.

He had to be busy for the day, but wanted an excuse to spend the day with you. See how he asked you? He obviously didn't need the help, he just wanted your company. Then, as he get's irritated by the fact you're not really spending any time together, he's on a short fuse and then when he tries to force some contact, you don't help him so he snaps, and just unfortunately it managed to insult something you feel strongly about. Just chance. Then he tried to call you constantly and you ignored him, so he assumed you were upset and didn't want to talk. So obviously, that upset him. Then when he finally gets to see you, he puts his arm around you to try and comfort you and see if you too are still good. Then a bit of miscommunication, which from his point of view may have seemed like you were basically saying "no" after he said "friends?" Then he rang you because he didn't want you to go, and you further insisted you're leaving. This, of course, upset him even further. He's tried hard all day to spend some time with you and you're just not having it. Then he even tells you "it feels like a wasted weekend" then you show no emotion back, just give him a plain and frankly rude reply. He then, even more annoyed, just starts acting childish.

All he was trying to do was spend time with you, but of course from your point of view you think he's a childish bully. You have to learn to look at it from his point of view

He thinks you don't wanna spend time with him.

Your brother actually sounds very sweet. And his outbursts that happen a couple times a year can be overlooked since 99.9% of the time outside of those bursts he is a wonderful person.

It's funny you mention that, because my brother's actually the exact same. He'd go through some periods where he'd be so angry he punches a hole through the wall because yes, his emotions do get the best of him sometimes. Recently he did get in trouble for punching someone in his class. Despite that I love him with all my heart and i'd honestly genuinely call him the kindest purest person in my family.

However, OP's boyfriend doesn't sound like either of our brothers at all. I mean read what she said. Okay, forget the part where he swore at her that one day, even though that for me is bad enough. Let's focus on the part where she said she likes to keep quiet because she's scared she might annoy him, and where he usually gets irritated with her in general? Why would anyone even want to have a friend like that, let alone a boyfriend?

If it was that easy, I'd do it! But I can't

Sorry if me joking is offensive but he should have had me, i never wear skirts, jewellery or make up, my bf calls me for not dressing pretty enough . Nah he probably would have been the opposite with me and told me that i couldnt wear trousers as your relationship was all about control, im glad you didnt stay.

I wish it was possible for humans to look at something with an unbiased view. We all subconsciously think that our beliefs are fact, and therefore our brains enforce them on any story, slightly blinding us from the actual facts. We're useless lmao

Yeah I see what you mean, it's just that all my brother has taught me is that you have to know so much more about someone than their stand out negatives in order to fairly evaluate the type of person they are. That is why, with the limited info we have from OP, I just brought up a, honestly unlikely but still very plausable, description of the situation. It just helps take the emotion out when people are able to see potential good in a person they thought we're all bad. With everyone in the thread jumping straight to assuming he's a horrible human being, I thought it was only fair to demonstrate a potentially true opposing perspective.