I have Borderline Personality Disorder but I'm ashamed. (+AMA)

Cesca-

See above.

Emma. Oh my, have I ever told you how brave and wonderful you are?

You're special Emma. I always say stuff like this. But I always mean it. You need someone to tell you everyday. That you are special. You're not an attention seeker.

You aren't manipulative. You're just a normal girl with a big heart that came on a student forum to interact with other people of different ages because you thought it'd be fun.

You're funny. You're flirty sometimes as a joke even though everyone always takes it seriously. You've got a bright personality on TSR. But also an honest one. One that isn't afraid to share the skeletons hiding in her closet. One brave enough to go "yeah I have MH issues and I understand other people do as well and we need to support them"

You're someone that opened a blog. As part of inspiration from another one. You didn't know how big it'd get. You just decided to pour your heart out to anyone that'd listen.

You became an inspiration. To people like me. Also struggling with MH. You became like a pillar of support for all of us. Helping us see that just because we aren't completely alright mentally doesn't mean we're hopeless broken toys that deserve to be shunned from society.

You're like one of those girls that people fall hopelessly in love with in movies. There's just something about you that makes you different. Special. I can't quite put my finger on it. But I know it's there

Unfortunately for people like you there will always be the people that are jealous. Jealous of how special you are without even having to try to hard. Whilst they've been struggling to gain the attention of people by being someone they're not. People who are so insecure in themselves that they choose the person that's the brightest, with the most potential and most loved just for being themselves to tear down. Because they know they'll never be as strong or as inspirational. They decide if they can't be loved or adored that same way then no one can. It's like something that eats away at them.

They let their own sadness and insecurity turn them into demons.

Don't let those people drag you down Emma. Don't let them sink your ship. You've shown once that you're stronger than them. Do it again. So they know they're attempts at taking you down with them are futile. That you can't be touched. Then they'll realise that they truly have something special in their hands. They'll realise that they underestimated just how amazing you really were and that they're attempts to take you down were like throwing stones at a titanium wall.

I love you Emma. Don't ever forget that. You are special to me and to a lot of other people. And I don't know about them but to me, no matter what happens, I'm never going to turn on you. You've made a special place in my heart now. As someone who helped me through the struggle. You're an inspiration to me now. You're like a pearl, you've been through so much pain and pressure and **** but you still turned out beautiful. I will never forget that. I swear not in a long time. People like you are like needles in haystacks.

I don't really know if I would believe you.

Right now, I have realised I have nothing to be ashamed of, it doesn't define me, it's just 'part' of who I am and explains some of my behaviours.

People on this site (you know who) who have consciously decided to try and paint me as a terrible person have at first hurt and unsettled me but ultimately I thank them because they have given me the impetus to come out and say that this is who I am.

They can twist me to be attention seeking, manipulative, needy, insecure if they want but ultimately I have people like you and so many others (I can't possibly tag them all in here).

This is something that StrawbAri Said to me last night. It's a bit of an essay, but this is what gave me the confidence to be open about this, not just here on TSR but in real life too. I'm so grateful to her for understanding me and making me feel like despite all my terrible traits, I'm actually kind of an okay person.



Strawbs, this message is why I'm back on this thread, 4 weeks later, admitting that anonymous 1 is me.

Thank you

You should believe me. Because it is absolutely true 100%. And everything StrawbAri said in that message is absolutely true as well. You're wonderful. Don't forget it.

Things will get better. I promise you. We're all here for you.

When I called you a stalker, it was only a joke. Don't think like I'm against you or anything.

So this is bpd huh?

I need to go for a walk.

God I'm crying now. Why am I so messed up? I'm never going to be able to just be normal and not be dragged down by my brain.

This is so heartbreaking! OP, are you seeking help? Idek what to say now... ;-; You are gonna be okay!

You know OP is me right?

I just revealed it on page 2.

Well, I mean.. I hadn't read page 2... >_>

Anonymous 1 is me.

I'm so, so proud of you.

I know you've been hesitant to be open about this on TSR, although you shouldn't have had to feel that way. It's odd how some things are seen as more accepted than others - you felt okay being open about depression, but not this because of this odd stigma that surrounds BPD.

BPD has an unwarranted bad reputation and you are an example of that. You've shown yourself to be a kind, intelligent, beautiful person. BPD doesn't discount that, nor do the words of a select few. All BPD shows is that - as well as all of these things - you're strong as hell for having this disorder yet doing your best to cope and carry on in spite of it.

This is one of the many reasons I admire you. Love you so much.

X

Just want to say that you're incredible! It takes alot to be open about your own mental illness, I find it easier than most opening up about mine but for others it's not so easy and I just have massive amounts of respect and admiration for those who do! Keep being amazing!

Jen- thank you- you're also a big reason for giving me the confidence to do this.

The post you did on my blog was unreal.

BPD pals for life

Lots of love

Anonymous 1 is me.

Love you millions - sorry for not being around lately things have gotten a little crazy. Always here tho xxx

Shocking...!

Hope you're okay