That's indeed what (my) religion has taught me
That sex and sexuality is evil and disgusting.
Yes I have bad experiences with men. I'm going to sound very broken now but
I lost my virginity after being raped by a friend/coworker at the time just before I turned 22. I felt very dirty afterwards and for the next 2 years I slept with 3 guys consensually... Sounds pathetically naive but I really wanted them to like me, however they all pretty much disposed of me after they had their way. In retrospect it was my own fault for picking those kind of guys but at the time I felt so hard done by and heartbroken each time. I've now not had sex for 2 years and I would say I've never had a positive experience with men. I feel repressed not just in terms of sex but my anger too. My sexual thoughts scare me as I fantasise about asserting dominance over strong, well built men. Punishing and basically beating them up, probably because I'm so angry. I obviously won't go into details
but I'm scared of losing control and the monster within so I continue to repress myself.
Well guessed again, my relationship with my father isn't good. We used to be very close but around the time I started to hit puberty he became cold and distant.
He also started to take his anger out on me, he's verbally and emotionally abusive, occasionally physically but never sexually. I actually moved out to my grandparents house (who live pretty close though and are deeply religious) from the ages of 14-17 as I couldn't handle him any more. When I moved back in at 18 things improved slightly. I suffered at uni because he has a high salary so I got minimum entitlement but he would not and has never given me me a penny. I've had to go hungry for weeks and even stay in friends houses and hostels when I couldn't get a job one summer. I think he resents that I was ever born and he wants to me single, free and childless he sees my mother and I as shackles. I miss our emotional connection from when I was but I feel deep anger at him too.
Sorry that was kind of long. Yeah, I guess my curves have very little to with it in some ways. I'm just a bit messed up in the head