How my weight loss changed everythingI would first like to say thank you to everyone who has posted on this blog, and for those who have offered me support, listened to my whining and for just being there in general.
This blog post will be on on how the drastic weight loss I experienced changed everything. I used to love taking pictures with my friends and family because I loved how I looked. I had a glow on my face, I would always smile, loved my petiteness (and no doubt - still do) and wasn't so bone-y. All that really stopped when I was in Year 11, because as you all may have read before, my condition began flaring. It was all so sudden. My weight decreased a hell of a lot and I just hated the way I looked. I would look at myself in front of the mirror and think 'What happened? Why?' My weight loss changed everything. The glow on my face disappeared. The smile I had disappeared. I thought I looked horrible.
The pictures that I loved taking with my friends? They all stopped. Not only the pictures, I stopped talking to them as well. As they took selfies in one corner of the room, I'd be sitting in the other corner not saying a word, looking at the displays they had up since the beginning of the school year and was constantly thinking about what I did wrong to deserve something like that. It got to a point where my friends thought I was annoyed with them. I was embarassed to tell them what I was experiencing. How could I have explained something when even I didn't know what was going on? When one girl would ask 'ravioli, what's up?' another would say 'I think she's annoyed with us, she's not talking to us.' Until I acctually told them what it was - after hospital and so, is when they understood.
I used to love doing PE at school, enjoyed trampolining even though I wasn't good at it. Of course, that stopped too. I didn't want it to, but it did. I had lost so much weight that
the trampoline wouldn't bounce when I jumped on it. It was embarassing. My final year of secondary school was just so embarassing. You would think that 15/16 year old girls were mature, but clearly not. What did they do? They laughed. 'Omg, ravioli why are you so skinny
?' I didnt know what to reply to that, so of course I just laughed with them. Like I said before, what could I have said if I didn't know what was going on myself? Even the girl, whom I had known for four years and is with my at my new sixth form, laughed. And I don't blame her. How I looked like, how skinny I was - I really don't blame her. I was laughing myself. Another friend of mine, who was supposed to be with me this year, was the only that didn't laugh. She looked at me and said instantly 'I know you're really not laughing'. The girl who I didn't even talk to much said that to me. She seemed to understand me more than anyone.
My form room was on the second floor of the school building amd there was only on way of getting there, which is quite a long route (it was the furthest form room in the building from the school entrance). It would take me forever to walk up the stairs because I needed support. I had to take every step with ease because I couldn't walk up without the handle. I found my school bag heavy. I found the school textbooks heavy ffs. Everything I held I found heavy.
After my surgery and all, I was prescribed with steroids for ten weeks. These little suckers made me gain SO MUCH WEIGHT. Literally. When I had my surgery, I was 39kg, and after my ten week treatment of steroids, I was 55kg. I became super chubby
Everyone noticed my weight gain, and that was something I feared most. I went to an all girls school with judgmental snobs. Well, those were the sort of girls in my class anyway. When I was skinny af, they would laugh at me and question me. When I gained a bit weight, they would laugh at me and question me. Like wtf? Really?
On bright side, I became more confident in myself. I enjoyed taking pictures, and I took so many pictures on the last two days of school with a big smile and my chubby cheeks. I didn't care. I was getting better, and thats what counted the most. Should I care about what others thought? NO. I was happy.
I was happy. And, I'm going to be one hundred per cent honest, I'm actually happier now than I've ever been before.
So yeh.
Thanks for reading.
ravioliyears xx