IBD and me

Yep, I became anaemic due to the azathioprine and I was put on irons. I still have to have routine blood tests, although that is less regular now. At times I forget that I even have UC, but when its starts kicking up again it's awful. But I just have to live with it.

Hiya, I've only just come across your blog today but it looks really interesting (especially on how a physical disease has affected your mental state). I haven't looked through the entire thread, so please direct me if you've answered this before, but does diet play a role (or can eliminating certain things from your diet improve it at all)?

Hiya! Thanks for your post and question. The condition is thought to be genetic (although I have no family history of it) and flares triggered by presumably stress. Diet doesn't play a role in the condition, although it is advised that if you have been diagnosed, to eat 5 smaller meals in a day instead of 3 large ones. Does this answer your question?

Yes it does, thank you I had just been wondering if it had any similarity to Celiac where what you eat has a direct effect on how you're feeling, so thanks for clearing it up.

How my weight loss changed everything

I would first like to say thank you to everyone who has posted on this blog, and for those who have offered me support, listened to my whining and for just being there in general.

This blog post will be on on how the drastic weight loss I experienced changed everything. I used to love taking pictures with my friends and family because I loved how I looked. I had a glow on my face, I would always smile, loved my petiteness (and no doubt - still do) and wasn't so bone-y. All that really stopped when I was in Year 11, because as you all may have read before, my condition began flaring. It was all so sudden. My weight decreased a hell of a lot and I just hated the way I looked. I would look at myself in front of the mirror and think 'What happened? Why?' My weight loss changed everything. The glow on my face disappeared. The smile I had disappeared. I thought I looked horrible.

The pictures that I loved taking with my friends? They all stopped. Not only the pictures, I stopped talking to them as well. As they took selfies in one corner of the room, I'd be sitting in the other corner not saying a word, looking at the displays they had up since the beginning of the school year and was constantly thinking about what I did wrong to deserve something like that. It got to a point where my friends thought I was annoyed with them. I was embarassed to tell them what I was experiencing. How could I have explained something when even I didn't know what was going on? When one girl would ask 'ravioli, what's up?' another would say 'I think she's annoyed with us, she's not talking to us.' Until I acctually told them what it was - after hospital and so, is when they understood.

I used to love doing PE at school, enjoyed trampolining even though I wasn't good at it. Of course, that stopped too. I didn't want it to, but it did. I had lost so much weight that the trampoline wouldn't bounce when I jumped on it. It was embarassing. My final year of secondary school was just so embarassing. You would think that 15/16 year old girls were mature, but clearly not. What did they do? They laughed. 'Omg, ravioli why are you so skinny ?' I didnt know what to reply to that, so of course I just laughed with them. Like I said before, what could I have said if I didn't know what was going on myself? Even the girl, whom I had known for four years and is with my at my new sixth form, laughed. And I don't blame her. How I looked like, how skinny I was - I really don't blame her. I was laughing myself. Another friend of mine, who was supposed to be with me this year, was the only that didn't laugh. She looked at me and said instantly 'I know you're really not laughing'. The girl who I didn't even talk to much said that to me. She seemed to understand me more than anyone.

My form room was on the second floor of the school building amd there was only on way of getting there, which is quite a long route (it was the furthest form room in the building from the school entrance). It would take me forever to walk up the stairs because I needed support. I had to take every step with ease because I couldn't walk up without the handle. I found my school bag heavy. I found the school textbooks heavy ffs. Everything I held I found heavy.

After my surgery and all, I was prescribed with steroids for ten weeks. These little suckers made me gain SO MUCH WEIGHT. Literally. When I had my surgery, I was 39kg, and after my ten week treatment of steroids, I was 55kg. I became super chubby Everyone noticed my weight gain, and that was something I feared most. I went to an all girls school with judgmental snobs. Well, those were the sort of girls in my class anyway. When I was skinny af, they would laugh at me and question me. When I gained a bit weight, they would laugh at me and question me. Like wtf? Really?

On bright side, I became more confident in myself. I enjoyed taking pictures, and I took so many pictures on the last two days of school with a big smile and my chubby cheeks. I didn't care. I was getting better, and thats what counted the most. Should I care about what others thought? NO. I was happy. I was happy. And, I'm going to be one hundred per cent honest, I'm actually happier now than I've ever been before.

So yeh.

Thanks for reading.

ravioliyears xx

Cue my tears. You're an absolute inspiration to everyone and we love you for it. Stay strong, stay positive. ♥

Thanks Sub Hope you're well

Likewise. If anything's on your mind that you want to get rid of, rant to me.

The pictures that I loved taking with my friends? They all stopped. Not only the pictures, I stopped talking to them as well. As they took selfies in one corner of the room, I'd be sitting in the other corner not saying a word, looking at the displays they had up since the beginning of the school year and was constantly thinking about what I did wrong to deserve something like that. It got to a point where my friends thought I was annoyed with them. I was embarassed to tell them what I was experiencing. How could I have explained something when even I didn't know what was going on? When one girl would ask 'ravioli, what's up?' another would say 'I think she's annoyed with us, she's not talking to us.' Until I acctually told them what it was - after hospital and so, is when they understood.

Definitely relate to this bit - I struggle with emotions and stuff, so when I get to my lowest, which tbh has just been the entirety of college so far; I push people away, even though that's when I need them. I've definitely lost great friends because of it

Sorry, I thought I replied to this! Apologies, Andy. Have you ever tried making up with those friends? I've also lost quite a few friends, and only have noticed how much I really miss talking to them.

OP, I have just read some of this thread, and I must say: you are a strong young lady. Really. Your posts are emotional, and well done for writing this. It's informative, and very eye-opening. I have a condition that I have to put up with my joints dislocating every day. While my condition is very different to yours, I totally understand where you're coming from with this:



Most of the time, I keep a happy face, and people tell me I'm strong and all that, but there have been times, when I'm beyond my pain threshold and I'm exhausted to the point of feeling sick, that I've just had to walk out of labs and lectures to cry to myself in the toilets, or I've just dissolved into tears in front of lecturers a couple of times when they've asked if I'm okay after seeing that I'm being very quiet (I'm a very loud person!). I always feel so guilty when this happens, because although they say it doesn't, I can tell it upsets people. I'm lucky to have a very, very good best friend (who I also live with) though- she's an angel.

You have been so open and honest about your life with IBD, and again you are a remarkable young lady. You're inspirational. Thank you for posting the video a few pages back, too- it was very informative. I send you big hugs. All the best to you, Lovely, and good luck with everything, and if you need anyone to talk to, drop me a PM! xxxx

It's OK

Nahh, haven't tried because I don't have contact with them anymore.

Awwie

xxx

This is so sweet thank you for writing such a nice and positive thing definitely very good advice