How long did it take you to get over your first love?

It took me at least a year to get over my ex. So I can empathise with you.

Especially since I also went through the hardships of pain that you endured.

I still sometimes think about her, even though it's been over a year ago since we broke up. I became deeply depressed and was forced to take medications to calm my depression. But on the outside you'd think I was mentally stable.

I only truly got over her, when I found someone new. Then I started being optimistic about life and completely forgot about my ex. I think once you find a new love in your life, the emotional pain will subdue and disappear.

So don't don't worry I am sure you'll find a new partner. And start being happy again.

It's just a question of time and patience.

Well he hasn’t asked to see me, even though he said he would like 5 times since he left. As hard as it is to be away from him, it’s probably a good thing that he hasn’t asked me because I wouldn’t have the will power to say no. But the fact that I’m viewing the situation with a bit of clarity is progress, I guess. Usually, I’m just sat beating myself up about the fact that we haven’t seen each other in so long.

I still hate myself so much sometimes because I wasn’t good enough.

Yeah, I don’t hear from him for weeks and weeks and I feel like I’m beginning to let go. Then I’ll hear from him and, all of sudden, I get happy again. My feelings intensify again. Repeat cycle. I feel like it has been a lesson to not let myself get so close to anybody again. Then again, right now, it’s difficult to imagine there ever being someone else.

Lol, I wrote in it just now before I replied to this.

Another thing I found difficult was not being able to tell my mother about how I felt, since it’s a highly inappropriate situation if you come from a background like mine. Sometimes, I so badly wanted to tell her because I thought she was the only one who’d be able to help ease the pain I was feeling but I just couldn’t.

Thank you, you’ve offered some good advice. I think I needed to hear something like this as a starting point.x

I’ve been off work sick because I’ve been really depressed lately. I ended up crying numerous times in the toilets at work. I can’t explain how frustrating it is to have people tell you that “you’re fine” -_-

Ha, I’m not so sure about the someone new part. Technically, I never even had the one person I wanted and I don’t feel like anyone will ever match up to him. I’ll just be thinking “but it’s not him”.

I was close to someone for a period. We were never "together" but we developed an unlikely friendship over time. We were both pretty broken people and, even though our lives are worlds apart, we just grew closer together.

He never wanted me the way I wanted him but he was still so good to me. He looked after me and he made me feel better when I felt like ****.

He moved and I haven't seen him in half a year. In the beginning, I was so depressed that I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't eat properly for a few months, I even cut myself one day when I felt really shitty. It brought all my past issues with low self-esteem and self-hatred and depression back.

I tell myself that deep down it would never have worked anyway. There would have been religious/cultural issues on my side and drugs and other **** on his side but it doesn't help. I made him my absolute world and, since his absence, I've completely lost myself.

I'll admit, I'm not as ****ed up about it as I was months ago but I still think about him every day. It's half a year down the line and I still break down crying if I think about him too much.

I mean, do these feelings ever ****ing stop?

Somewhat different (stages), but you have all the raw materials, and I am here to help you be the best, strongest, most complete you



Exceptional characters

Ive been in love about 3 times in my life, and each time was a tremendous waste of energy over people who didn't love me back. Just one of the reasons I will never invest so much of myself into another person ever again. Celibacy can help to protect you from something like this happening again. Love isn't always the glorious feeling its made out to be, it can be very painful and cause mental health problems .

x

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I remember I had a huge crush on this girl in my Bio class at AS for 1.5 years


Once I messaged her on twitter and she didn't reply back. I was going to a party that day too and I spoke like 10 words during that party.


**** feelings man. I get hurt way too easily.

x

Sorry but that's horseshit. You have an inner resilience comparable to mine (you've been through a heck of a lot and kept things together/stayed strong), and your inner resourcefulness isn't far behind, just needs nurturing

Except you know, deep down, that this capacity to care is integral to experiencing love that can fill you with so much life, warmth, strength, purpose, and earthy, broody, desire, that to be without it could only be considered a terribly grave loss. Important not to lose sight of that

Well, that's a bonus

True, although quasi-sociopathic 'hoppers' like moi are mercifully rare!

True love was always rare, and you could argue that modern trends are, in some ways, enhancing the probability of finding it (much as I protest/lament polygamy/promiscuity on the basis of broader [intergenerational] mental/physical health/sociological harms)

Indeed so. All we can do is keep our eyes peeled, and our fingers crossed!

These things are all linked honey, take it from an integrative health and wellness practitioner

Agreed, in most cases

Certainly helps, although when you have a high, and stable, sense of self-worth, plus a somewhat spectrum (socially disaffected) personality (disorder), really there's not much that can knock your sense of security (loneliness is another matter)

Correct assessment! Doesn't apply to everyone, however, you do get the odd 'benevolent dictator'

That's a crying shame. True love offers wonderful promise

Don't argue with daddy

It doesn't impact on happiness, and the confidence boost is minimal

Meow

Tbh, I think that the harsh truth is exactly what I need to hear. Otherwise, I just keep clinging to an illusion which prevents me from letting go.

Thanks, I will probably take you up on that offer