Is it weird to want to wait until marriage to have sex?
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Original post by Cherry82
X
I wasn't criticising your personal view of sex. I was simply criticising some of the reasoning: it makes no sense to say that you want to marry before having sex because dating leaves open the possibility of separation -- that will always be the case, and committed, unmarried couples separating is pretty much identical to a divorce except in legal and financial matters, so I don't agree that there's any real difference between the two, since the assumption seems to be that it's either marriage or a short-term relationship, which is clearly false.
You've also said something slightly strange here:
Original post by Cherry82
When you've decided to marry someone, you would have already established a relationship to where you feel comfortable enough to have the intentions, plans and hopes of committing to the person for a life time. This includes relationships where both partners are not married but would like to the rest of their lives together.
It clearly doesn't though. You earlier implied that commitment = marriage and everything else = dating to see how it goes, which clearly didn't account for the fair number of people who won't marry but will still commit. Now you're saying people who don't intend to marry somehow fall under the former umbrella of commitment = marriage anyway, so I'm slightly confused.
(edited 7 years ago)
No in the long run you'll be glad you waited for a decent guy that wasn't as scummy as the rest
Even if a guy has been with a few people I wouldn't let that bother you. I would just make him understand you want to wait, if he is good enough and thinks enough about you then he will be willing to wait.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi so basically just what the title says, I'm a bit worried that I'll be unable to have a serious relationship because a lot of guys don't want to wait so long for sex :/ so is it weird? Should I just give up on it?
Not at all. Your body, your choice.
Original post by Hydeman
I wasn't criticising your personal view of sex. I was simply criticising some of the reasoning: it makes no sense to say that you want to marry before having sex because dating leaves open the possibility of separation -- that will always be the case, and committed, unmarried couples separating is pretty much identical to a divorce except in legal and financial matters, so I don't agree that there's any real difference between the two, since the assumption seems to be that it's either marriage or a short-term relationship, which is clearly false.
It clearly doesn't though. You earlier implied that commitment = marriage and everything else = dating to see how it goes, which clearly didn't account for the fair number of people who won't marry but will still commit. Now you're saying people who don't intend to marry somehow fall under the former umbrella of commitment = marriage anyway, so I'm slightly confused.
It clearly doesn't though. You earlier implied that commitment = marriage and everything else = dating to see how it goes, which clearly didn't account for the fair number of people who won't marry but will still commit. Now you're saying people who don't intend to marry somehow fall under the former umbrella of commitment = marriage anyway, so I'm slightly confused.
I know separation would always be a possibility. The point I was trying to make there was, I feel more comfortable with- if I did have a divorce (touch wood) at least at one point I had planned to be with this person for a lifetime, hoping to raise a family with them. No one knows if their marriage would last a lifetime, you can only hope and work together to make sure it flourishes. But people who date have a higher chance of separating compared to married couples who have already established a relationship beforehand. Entering a relationship, at first nothing is serious because the whole purpose is to get to know each other, to see if something serious could come out of the relationship and to know whether you like/love the person. Unless arranged- with marriage you've already gone through that whole process and established enough to where you've both decided to commit. People normally do not marry someone they are unfamiliar with, most of the time it's someone they've been with for years. However people do date someone they've found attractive who has similar interests though they may not 'know' that person.
'Now you're saying people who don't intend to marry somehow fall under the former umbrella of commitment = marriage anyway.'
-No. Ok, I need to rephrase and explain myself properly. When I had made that comment, I was addressing couples who have been together for years- cohabiting couples where they plan on being together long term, even living like a married couple hence which was why I had then said 'Why not just get married?'
Original post by Cherry82
But people who date have a higher chance of separating compared to married couples who have already established a relationship beforehand.
We're talking about committed, long-term relationships vs. marriage, not 'we've just had coffee a few times' vs. marriage.
Entering a relationship, at first nothing is serious because the whole purpose is to get to know each other, to see if something serious could come out of the relationship and to know whether you like/love the person.
This is true of both committed relationships w/o marriage and marriage itself.
Unless arranged- with marriage you've already gone through that whole process and established enough to where you've both decided to commit. People normally do not marry someone they are unfamiliar with, most of the time it's someone they've been with for years. However people do date someone they've found attractive who has similar interests though they may not 'know' that person.
I don't think you're comparing like with like here. People don't cohabit and have committed relationships out of marriage with people who they've only known a short while, either. The tendency to assume that any relationship that's not marriage must be some kind of short-term fling isn't leaving this conversation quickly enough...
'Now you're saying people who don't intend to marry somehow fall under the former umbrella of commitment = marriage anyway.'
-No. Ok, I need to rephrase and explain myself properly. When I had made that comment, I was addressing couples who have been together for years- cohabiting couples where they plan on being together long term, even living like a married couple hence which was why I had then said 'Why not just get married?'
-No. Ok, I need to rephrase and explain myself properly. When I had made that comment, I was addressing couples who have been together for years- cohabiting couples where they plan on being together long term, even living like a married couple hence which was why I had then said 'Why not just get married?'
For any number of reasons. Anyway, the point was that there seems to be a consistent reluctance to recognise that anything outside of marriage can count as anything other than 'dating just to see how things go' (and as you've already said, this would be true of married couples as well, unless it's arranged), so I'm glad you've somewhat conceded that not everyone who has premarital sex is uncommitted, but I still don't agree that it's proper to describe anyone who doesn't fit into either 'married' or 'dating casually' as 'living like a married couple', which suffers from the same problem that any type of commitment must be some kind of marriage, whether formal or informal.
People who aren't married but are still committed are often that way by choice, and had they wanted to be referred to as 'living like a married couple', they could have done so officially. But they didn't, so let's stop pretending that they can in effect be lumped together with those who marry.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Cherry82
-No. Ok, I need to rephrase and explain myself properly. When I had made that comment, I was addressing couples who have been together for years- cohabiting couples where they plan on being together long term, even living like a married couple hence which was why I had then said 'Why not just get married?'
-No. Ok, I need to rephrase and explain myself properly. When I had made that comment, I was addressing couples who have been together for years- cohabiting couples where they plan on being together long term, even living like a married couple hence which was why I had then said 'Why not just get married?'
Because for some couples, signing a paper has no influence on their mutual love.
Stop replying to this pls. There are countless identical threads so the OP can just search for one..
Original post by Josb
Because for some couples, signing a paper has no influence on their mutual love.
In fact, let me ask this question because I really don't understand people when they say this.
On the paper couples sign- is it just a certificate? What is on the paper as in overall what does it say and if there are any, what legal benefits come with having this 'paper'.
Hmmm so there still are people who don't want sex before marriage eh. It's the norm in the Eastern world, but not the norm in the West. But I am sure people with same views as you are out there.
I'm waiting so don't worry
It's your body, so your decision
Posted from TSR Mobile
It's your body, so your decision
Posted from TSR Mobile
[QUOTE=Hydeman;64659831}
For any number of reasons. Anyway, the point was that there seems to be a consistent reluctance to recognise that anything outside of marriage can count as anything other than 'dating just to see how things go' (and as you've already said, this would be true of married couples as well, unless it's arranged), so I'm glad you've somewhat conceded that not everyone who has premarital sex is uncommitted, but I still don't agree that it's proper to describe anyone who doesn't fit into either 'married' or 'dating casually' as 'living like a married couple', which suffers from the same problem that any type of commitment must be some kind of marriage, whether formal or informal.
People who aren't married but are still committed are often that way by choice, and had they wanted to be referred to as 'living like a married couple', they could have done so officially. But they didn't, so let's stop pretending that they can in effect be lumped together with those who marry.
'We're talking about committed, long-term relationships vs. marriage, not 'we've just had coffee a few times' vs. marriage. '
-Ok, I see where the misunderstanding is coming from. We're both commenting on two different scenarios here. I was not commenting on 'long- term relationships vs marriage'. I just meant relationships overall vs marriage as people have sex while in relationships- whether long term or short term. So I am talking about relationships overall vs marriage.
'I don't think you're comparing like with like here. People don't cohabit and have committed relationships out of marriage with people who they've only known a short while.'
-Wait what? Would you mind elaborating. I never said this. Again, I think you've misunderstood me. I spoke about relationships, the whole dating process overall not specifically cohabiting couples who have known each other for years. Again hence why I had said 'cohabiting couples where they plan on being together long term, even living like a married couple...Why not just get married?' Not everyone in a relationship is a cohabiting. So again, I think we are addressing two different scenarios.
Not to be rude, I'd like to continue conversing with you as I have a lot more to say in regards to your response however I have exams approaching the week after guys and I'm super behind on revision. My butt shouldn't be on TSR debating- I should be off TSR cramming and studying the content for next week. I surely will be back though. Just around July/August time. Peace x
For any number of reasons. Anyway, the point was that there seems to be a consistent reluctance to recognise that anything outside of marriage can count as anything other than 'dating just to see how things go' (and as you've already said, this would be true of married couples as well, unless it's arranged), so I'm glad you've somewhat conceded that not everyone who has premarital sex is uncommitted, but I still don't agree that it's proper to describe anyone who doesn't fit into either 'married' or 'dating casually' as 'living like a married couple', which suffers from the same problem that any type of commitment must be some kind of marriage, whether formal or informal.
People who aren't married but are still committed are often that way by choice, and had they wanted to be referred to as 'living like a married couple', they could have done so officially. But they didn't, so let's stop pretending that they can in effect be lumped together with those who marry.
'We're talking about committed, long-term relationships vs. marriage, not 'we've just had coffee a few times' vs. marriage. '
-Ok, I see where the misunderstanding is coming from. We're both commenting on two different scenarios here. I was not commenting on 'long- term relationships vs marriage'. I just meant relationships overall vs marriage as people have sex while in relationships- whether long term or short term. So I am talking about relationships overall vs marriage.
'I don't think you're comparing like with like here. People don't cohabit and have committed relationships out of marriage with people who they've only known a short while.'
-Wait what? Would you mind elaborating. I never said this. Again, I think you've misunderstood me. I spoke about relationships, the whole dating process overall not specifically cohabiting couples who have known each other for years. Again hence why I had said 'cohabiting couples where they plan on being together long term, even living like a married couple...Why not just get married?' Not everyone in a relationship is a cohabiting. So again, I think we are addressing two different scenarios.
Not to be rude, I'd like to continue conversing with you as I have a lot more to say in regards to your response however I have exams approaching the week after guys and I'm super behind on revision. My butt shouldn't be on TSR debating- I should be off TSR cramming and studying the content for next week. I surely will be back though. Just around July/August time. Peace x
Original post by Cherry82
In fact, let me ask this question because I really don't understand people when they say this.
On the paper couples sign- is it just a certificate? What is on the paper as in overall what does it say and if there are any, what legal benefits come with having this 'paper'.
On the paper couples sign- is it just a certificate? What is on the paper as in overall what does it say and if there are any, what legal benefits come with having this 'paper'.
Yes it's a document. I haven't signed one in the UK, so I don't know more about it.
It is a good start:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_consequences_of_marriage_and_civil_partnership_in_England_and_Wales
Original post by Josb
Yes it's a document. I haven't signed one in the UK, so I don't know more about it.
It is a good start:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_consequences_of_marriage_and_civil_partnership_in_England_and_Wales
It is a good start:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_consequences_of_marriage_and_civil_partnership_in_England_and_Wales
Thanks for the link.
But before I go to revise, can I leave you with some links also with quotes from them?
In the UK- there are legal benefits and rights you have from being married that cohabiting couples do not have i.e with children and inheritance :
http://findlaw.co.uk/law/family/marriage_and_civil_partnerships/what-are-the-differences-between-marriage-and-cohabitation.html
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/
Ok, I need to stop now so I can finishing off studying. Revision and Exams are killing me. My break is officially over.
Original post by Hydeman
...
Hey, hope you don't mind but I came back to quickly share this video with you. It came to mind as I was studying and no it's not what you think:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Afu1Rwlggf8
(why men are frightened of marriage?)
Check out- 2:36. Happy he mentioned this.Ok, back to revision.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi so basically just what the title says, I'm a bit worried that I'll be unable to have a serious relationship because a lot of guys don't want to wait so long for sex :/ so is it weird? Should I just give up on it?
Boo, don't worry about it you are not alone #TeamNoSexBeforeMarriage . The right person who truly love you will wait, respect and accept your decision and not pressure you. It's not weird at all. If you want to talk more inbox me x
It's not weird at all. Sex does not have to be a necessary part in a relationship because it's a choice. You'll inevitably find someone who's willing to wait and feels you're worth it. As for giving up on it, that's up to you. Just do whatever makes you happy. 
Original post by Anonymous
Hi so basically just what the title says, I'm a bit worried that I'll be unable to have a serious relationship because a lot of guys don't want to wait so long for sex :/ so is it weird? Should I just give up on it?
Original post by notsoclueless
It's not weird at all. Sex does not have to be a necessary part in a relationship because it's a choice. You'll inevitably find someone who's willing to wait and feels you're worth it. As for giving up on it, that's up to you. Just do whatever makes you happy.
I agree.
I'm a guy and all I want to achieve in dates is to hang out, have fun and hook up (if she's up to it.. I won't pressure her).. also keeping things light. Relationships is her department. She's the one that decides.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi so basically just what the title says, I'm a bit worried that I'll be unable to have a serious relationship because a lot of guys don't want to wait so long for sex :/ so is it weird? Should I just give up on it?
Definitely not weird. focus on yourself, your career getting to know yourself better before you invite someone else into your life.
Don't focus on trying to be with someone, pray for the one to come to you but don't go searching just enjoy life love on others, make meaningful relationships and work hard and that person will come to you.
When you feel you have found the one you should really take the time to get to know them as a friend if you can before moving forward, really understand the ins and outs of that person if you intend to stay with them for the rest of life.
“Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”**1 Corinthians *6:16-20 *
That is why sex is for after marriage (marriage being the magical thing, only because that is when you make yours vows of commitment before God and before witnesses) - the 'prostitute' bit is a bit extreme, and essentially Paul is just trying to show how psychologically and spiritually involved sex is
But it all comes down to this, God created sex as something beyond a mere reproductive system so as to give us a glimpse into the crazy oneness which he experiences in the trinity, (please don't take that too literally though) we are of course made in His image
For further reading beyond Paul's letters Corinthians, CS Lewis' book the four loves is particularly good at helping to understand love and desire etc
That is why sex is for after marriage (marriage being the magical thing, only because that is when you make yours vows of commitment before God and before witnesses) - the 'prostitute' bit is a bit extreme, and essentially Paul is just trying to show how psychologically and spiritually involved sex is
But it all comes down to this, God created sex as something beyond a mere reproductive system so as to give us a glimpse into the crazy oneness which he experiences in the trinity, (please don't take that too literally though) we are of course made in His image
For further reading beyond Paul's letters Corinthians, CS Lewis' book the four loves is particularly good at helping to understand love and desire etc
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