I'm not sure where I should post this thread , but since in this forum I can make it anonymous... here it goes.
Hi, guys I'm in my second year of sixth form. I got average GCSE grades 10 A*-C, I know I could have done better. In my first year of sixth form (last year), I had a really rough time, family issues (health) and I felt really depressed, anxious etc (the sort of feeling I also felt throughout high school too, yr10 was my worst year as I contemplated suicide and ended up self-harming; although, I did manage to hide it from everyone, so I don't think anyone suspected. I didn't talk to anyone about it because I was worried and I don't like talking about my feelings but mainly because I didn't want to cause concern for my parents, as I know school/ college would contact my parents. So, in my first year of college, I kept going regardless. I tried to revise and concentrate in my classes (I did psychology, applied science and biology) but it seemed impossible at times. When I did get home I would try get my books out (when I wasn't helping out at home) but I felt so overwhelmed with everything going on, I couldn't control my feelings (I know I shouldn't have felt like this, specially since so many people out there are going through so much worse!). So most of the time I just got sinked in into watching movies, playing games etc, to take my mind of reality (I know how stupid was I?). So when I logged in to see my AS grades, I was expecting the worst ... So I ended up getting CCE. I got the E in biology and was allowed to carry on with it onto A2, but I didn't want to because I didn't know enough, so I had to beg to re-take it. So, this year was suppose to be a sort of re-start to my life.I carried out with psychology to A2, dropped applied science and picked up AS chemistry and AS biology. Things were going good at the start of the year, I felt great. I was revising, doing extra work etc. However, as time went on, things started to get out of control again. My mum started to get ill again and college started to get stressful and hard - specially chemistry! And everything just started to take a turn. I did well in my psychology and biology mock, got an A in both but got a E in my chemistry January mocks. I was determined to make things work, so I revised hard during the Easter half-term, revising chemistry and biology. However, we then got our second mocks after Easter, in which I did terribly! I got an E in my psychology, U in chemistry and C in biology. Which is awful! I did run out of time for my chemistry and was feeling sick and dizzy that day, but it still isn't a good excuse. I really don't know what to do any more. I feel like I have wasted another year, only to then get rubbish grades again! I'm so close to losing all motivation in life. I'm such a disappointment and failure to my family. I really wanted to go to university before, but with these grades, very unlikely I would get in! Besides, even if I did have good grades, there is no way my family could afford it even though they say they would try. We barely have any money left over, so if i was to go to university, I don't see how they would be able to pay for it (even if i was to work part-time or something). I literally feel so crap. My first exam is in under 2 weeks and I have no motivation. Don't get me wrong, I really want to revise and want to do well, but I am just not in the right mindset to do work and I JUST FEEL like crying. I have let myself down again, as well as my family. I'm considering getting an apprenticeship (that way I would get paid, be able to help my family out and get experience and a possible qualification out of it), although I'm not certain if it's too late for that, since i have just turned 18 and my grades are awful. Also, I wouldn't know what to do one in, since there isn't a great variety of options, specially where I live. I would love to go out and explore the world, do activities and get an experience of the world, but money is the major issue and family comes first. I know i deserve no sympathy and have bought this all on myself, so please don't judge me. I really want some advice on what to do, because I feel like I can't cope any more. I would love to get some advice please. And sorry for such a long rant.