Am I a *****y person?

My gf and I have been together for about 6 months.

After about a month and a half of "seeing" one another, she asked that we become exclusive, and things seemed to be going really well. Then, all of a sudden, she stopped messaging me completely for about 4 days.

Eventually, we met up and things went back to normal, better even. I was confused but decided to let it slide. This being my first relationship, I didn't openly discuss it with her, and didn't know how to act in response, so I simply gave her space and let her get back in contact.

After a good few weeks, she again went cold on me. We still messaged and hung out, but she was constantly on her phone and didn't seem bothered at all by my presence. I know I shouldn't have done, but I read some entries in her diary, as I was completely confused. Turns out that, in spite of asking that we become exclusive, she had kissed another guy for about an hour at a party, and was considering getting together with him and leaving me.

At this point, I asked whether she was actually into me, and told her that if she wasn't we could call it a day, no hard feelings. She claimed that we hadn't been in a formal relationship, and didn't think I was bothered - in fairness I wasn't putting in the effort in terms of messaging etc. But we had still agreed to be exclusive prior to this...

I now find it incredibly hard to trust her - particularly since she opened up about cheating on her last boyfriend and feeling no guilt for it. As a result, I have found myself checking her enties again, albeit only on occasion. In spite of things going really well, and her telling me, in the strongest terms, how much I mean to her, she has written a few times that she is afraid of cheating on me at upcoming festivals etc. In a way, I feel justified by doing this, considering her actions, but wonder whether it makes me a terrible person?

I wouldn't say you're a terrible person, but I would say this is a bad relationship. You constantly having to keep an eye on her cos of her temptation to cheat is not healthy at all, nor sustainable. What are you gonna do if one day you find out she cheated on you? Its doomed in my opinion, either talk it out or break up. Has she even apologised for going behind your back? She doesn't seem to understand how to be exclusive and if she can't help but be stray without even telling you whats happening, she's pretty childish.
How old are you both?

I wouldn't say you're a terrible person, but I would say this is a bad relationship. You constantly having to keep an eye on her cos of her temptation to cheat is not healthy at all, nor sustainable. What are you gonna do if one day you find out she cheated on you? Its doomed in my opinion, either talk it out or break up. Has she even apologised for going behind your back? She doesn't seem to understand how to be exclusive and if she can't help but be stray without even telling you whats happening, she's pretty childish.
How old are you both?

Do you think my checking up on her says something about me? Or is it justified considering her behaviour?

She hasn't apologised, no. She also claimed that she realised it was a terrible idea straight afterwards as he was a close friend, but in her entry, a day after the event, she was discussing thoughts of getting together with him...

She's 21, I'm 24.

It is totally wrong as it's her personal diary would you like her reading your messages?
Shows you don't trust her and if I found out someone read mine without my permission I would feel like I couldn't trust them.
Maybe you should break up as it looks inevitable that she would cheat on you sorry.

I'd also add that she never told her bf she cheated on him, twice, but instead stayed with him for 3 more months, pretending all was normal. She told me she hadn't felt guilty as she didn't love him anymore, but still acted as though all was fine, before finally ending it - for him completely out of the blue.

Do you think my checking up on her says something about me? Or is it justified considering her behaviour?

She hasn't apologised, no. She also claimed that she realised it was a terrible idea straight afterwards as he was a close friend, but in her entry, a day after the event, she was discussing thoughts of getting together with him...

She's 21, I'm 24.

Indeed, I know it's wrong. But then her behaviour has given me reason to distrust her, not that that is justification.

When you say it seems inevitable, do you mean because of her nature or because of me?

2 words: dump her

She wrote in her diary she fears she may cheat on you and she cheated on her ex you are going to always worry whenever she goes out on festivals or night outs what she gets up to.
Even being with you she wrote that she would rather be with that other guy she kissed.

It is wrong though it's private not for you to look at but your relationship looks rocky anyway for you to read through it. Has she wrote anything positive about you in it?

2 words: dump her

I would say you're "shi**y" in terms of efficiency, not morality. Dump her now rather than later, this looks like a train wreck.

Why do you think it loos train wreckish?

My gf and I have been together for about 6 months.

This being my first relationship, I didn't openly discuss it with her, and didn't know how to act in response, so I simply gave her space and let her get back in contact.

I know I shouldn't have done, but I read some entries in her diary, as I was completely confused.

Turns out that, in spite of asking that we become exclusive, she had kissed another guy for about an hour at a party, and was considering getting together with him and leaving me.[cut to avoid massive text block]... we had still agreed to be exclusive prior to this...I now find it incredibly hard to trust her - particularly since she opened up about cheating on her last boyfriend and feeling no guilt for it. As a result, I have found myself checking her enties again, albeit only on occasion. In spite of things going really well, and her telling me, in the strongest terms, how much I mean to her, she has written a few times that she is afraid of cheating on me at upcoming festivals etc. In a way, I feel justified by doing this, considering her actions, but wonder whether it makes me a terrible person?

I haven't seen you for a while your reply is quite blunt everything okay?

Why do you say so?

Yeah I'm fine, I just read this and didn't have time to put a long reply with a list of reasons, also I thought it was pretty obvious to me but I may have been a bit hasty



From what you've said about this girl, it sounds like she's less invested in the relationship than you and has clearly mistreated you in the past. Maybe that's a bit of a rash decision and only you know if you want to continue the relationship or not but in a relationship there should respect and trust on both parts and I just don't see that from her in your op. It's just something to consider

Well...



You haven't been together for an immense amount of time but already
Communication issues...
...and trust issues. Now if you ask the layperson what a good relationship is built on, what do you think would be the first two things they say?

She's given you justification for your initial trust issue by being...well, a bit of a hoe, really, and thus spawning further trust issues, and she herself appears to be concerned that she may well be a hoe again, leaving massive potential for your trust issues to again be further legitimized, causing more distrust... does that sound particularly healthy to you?I cannot see your relationship lasting in this state so I would quit while you're ahead.