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I hate looking 'cute' and 'innocent' I want to look SEXY :(

What can I do?

I'm really sick of being called 'cute' and people saying I look 'innocent' when I'm closer to 30 years old than 20.

I'm often put in what I would call the little sister zone even by men that are younger than me. Men don't take me seriously and they infantilize and desexualize me. There hasn't been a single occasion where a guy hasn't called me 'cute' when we got talking and they always end up going with a woman who is actually hot in the end.

I don't even feel like I can be a grown woman or fully sexual because I look like a young teenager. I prefer and want to date older men (aged 30-40) but the only ones that approach me are perverts who think I'm underage get off on that. I've tried dressing older, wearing heels, smart tailored clothes, red lipstick etc. but it doesn't work not to mention that I look like a girl who raided mummy's closet. Basically I look like a 'try hard' and it's so frustrating.

I have never been in a proper relationship. I am at the age now where if I don't get going soon it may be too late for me to have companionship and a family and to be honest I'd rather kill myself than be a cat lady. I know if I were smoking hot I would have men eating out of the palm of my hand, not that I aim for that but what I'm saying is I would have the future I dream of laid out for me just like I would just have to lye back and take my pick!

I just want a nice, wholesome guy who I can care for. Even if I do the approaching first they always go off in the direction of some bad-ass chick (I'm sorry I'm tired, can't think of another word) who usually treats them like rubbish and nags. Seems that's the kind of woman they want and that ropes them in and deep down that's what I think I am going to have to become to get anywhere in the life. If any guy is attracted to innocence like I seemly have that is only to corrupt it and take advantage i.e. the bad guys and that's not what I'm interested I run for the hills.

TL;DR I'm in my mid/late 20s innocent looking, men desexualise me and hence don't see me as relationship material. I'm thinking of trying to look like the opposite and increase my sex appeal. What can I do? Attitude, clothes etc?

I'm sorry that was so long. Please help me before I have to start buying the cats x

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Doesn't sound like there's much you can do tbh. If you're trying to look older and it isn't working, stop trying so hard and the right guy will come. I'm told I look about 18 years old all the time, but I'm hitting 30. I'm called cute constantly and honestly I feel kinda blessed to look youthful, you'll be grateful when you're older. Timing is everything, try and focus your energies elsewhere. Before you know it you'll find someone. Also where are you meeting guys?
Thought women didn't want to be sexualised :erm:

Either way, wouldn't you prefer if a guy likes you for how you are than how you appear to be? Or are you fine with just looks?

Sexiness has alot to do with attitude as well, so sort of play coy and flirtatious and hard to get n stuff.
Original post by donutellme
Thought women didn't want to be sexualised :erm:


The heck does this even mean. You can't turn off your sexuality, most people want to feel desired in the sense that people actually approve of them, you can practice a bit of modesty and self control but the idea that women don't want to be seen as 'someone to have sex with' is extremely harmful, because it makes people feel guilty just for expressing interest. It's only harassment or 'viewing someone as a sex object' when your intentions are dishonest and creepy.
Nothing wrong with looking young. You just need to find yourself a Zac Efron :wink: or someone who looks young but is actually quite older.
Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob
The heck does this even mean. You can't turn off your sexuality, most people want to feel desired in the sense that people actually approve of them, you can practice a bit of modesty and self control but the idea that women don't want to be seen as 'someone to have sex with' is extremely harmful, because it makes people feel guilty just for expressing interest. It's only harassment or 'viewing someone as a sex object' when your intentions are dishonest and creepy.


was just making fun of feminists
maybe you are just ugly do you have breasts and hips? also you spelt lie wrong
Original post by Anonymous
What can I do?

I'm really sick of being called 'cute' and people saying I look 'innocent' when I'm closer to 30 years old than 20.

I'm often put in what I would call the little sister zone even by men that are younger than me. Men don't take me seriously and they infantilize and desexualize me. There hasn't been a single occasion where a guy hasn't called me 'cute' when we got talking and they always end up going with a woman who is actually hot in the end.

I don't even feel like I can be a grown woman or fully sexual because I look like a young teenager. I prefer and want to date older men (aged 30-40) but the only ones that approach me are perverts who think I'm underage get off on that. I've tried dressing older, wearing heels, smart tailored clothes, red lipstick etc. but it doesn't work not to mention that I look like a girl who raided mummy's closet. Basically I look like a 'try hard' and it's so frustrating.

I have never been in a proper relationship. I am at the age now where if I don't get going soon it may be too late for me to have companionship and a family and to be honest I'd rather kill myself than be a cat lady. I know if I were smoking hot I would have men eating out of the palm of my hand, not that I aim for that but what I'm saying is I would have the future I dream of laid out for me just like I would just have to lye back and take my pick!

I just want a nice, wholesome guy who I can care for. Even if I do the approaching first they always go off in the direction of some bad-ass chick (I'm sorry I'm tired, can't think of another word) who usually treats them like rubbish and nags. Seems that's the kind of woman they want and that ropes them in and deep down that's what I think I am going to have to become to get anywhere in the life. If any guy is attracted to innocence like I seemly have that is only to corrupt it and take advantage i.e. the bad guys and that's not what I'm interested I run for the hills.

TL;DR I'm in my mid/late 20s innocent looking, men desexualise me and hence don't see me as relationship material. I'm thinking of trying to look like the opposite and increase my sex appeal. What can I do? Attitude, clothes etc?

I'm sorry that was so long. Please help me before I have to start buying the cats x


Cute and innocent is sexy.
You just need to find the right person to appreciate you
Original post by samina_ay
Nothing wrong with looking young. You just need to find yourself a Zac Efron :wink: or someone who looks young but is actually quite older.


Uh have you seen him lately??
Original post by animeamanda1412
basically this is what you should do...
commit suicide then reincarnate as a sexy bitch

Spoiler



so glad you made a suicide joke. thanks. couldnt have done without it.
Original post by phunky_fresh
Uh have you seen him lately??


Yeah still hot af.
Original post by kirigiri
so glad you made a suicide joke. thanks. couldnt have done without it.


is that supposed to be sarcasm or...?
Some guys find innocent looking girls sexy. If she's innocent looking and classy but a slag in the bedroom then the guy's life is complete :tongue:
I find the title funny and cute.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 14
Don't under estimate the power of 'girl next door' well played. And of course you can then transform yourself in to a TIGER in the bedroom. Plus, surely it's easy to vamp it up a bit with choice of clothing and lifestyle. Get a bad girl coach..
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 15
Original post by Anonymous
What can I do?

I'm really sick of being called 'cute' and people saying I look 'innocent' when I'm closer to 30 years old than 20.

I'm often put in what I would call the little sister zone even by men that are younger than me. Men don't take me seriously and they infantilize and desexualize me. There hasn't been a single occasion where a guy hasn't called me 'cute' when we got talking and they always end up going with a woman who is actually hot in the end.

I don't even feel like I can be a grown woman or fully sexual because I look like a young teenager. I prefer and want to date older men (aged 30-40) but the only ones that approach me are perverts who think I'm underage get off on that. I've tried dressing older, wearing heels, smart tailored clothes, red lipstick etc. but it doesn't work not to mention that I look like a girl who raided mummy's closet. Basically I look like a 'try hard' and it's so frustrating.

I have never been in a proper relationship. I am at the age now where if I don't get going soon it may be too late for me to have companionship and a family and to be honest I'd rather kill myself than be a cat lady. I know if I were smoking hot I would have men eating out of the palm of my hand, not that I aim for that but what I'm saying is I would have the future I dream of laid out for me just like I would just have to lye back and take my pick!

I just want a nice, wholesome guy who I can care for. Even if I do the approaching first they always go off in the direction of some bad-ass chick (I'm sorry I'm tired, can't think of another word) who usually treats them like rubbish and nags. Seems that's the kind of woman they want and that ropes them in and deep down that's what I think I am going to have to become to get anywhere in the life. If any guy is attracted to innocence like I seemly have that is only to corrupt it and take advantage i.e. the bad guys and that's not what I'm interested I run for the hills.

TL;DR I'm in my mid/late 20s innocent looking, men desexualise me and hence don't see me as relationship material. I'm thinking of trying to look like the opposite and increase my sex appeal. What can I do? Attitude, clothes etc?

I'm sorry that was so long. Please help me before I have to start buying the cats x



For a man I would suggest you go to the gym and beef up increasing his masculinity, as this will help to get the opposite sex to see you a bit more of "hot" than "cute"

for a girl who is cute, you would do well to wear more sexy clothing, loose any pigtails, show more clevage, start wearing heels ..etc.
HOWEVER, your case is a bit different. you mention you still look like a teenager and want to attract older men, some as old as 40. You also say that the men in this age group who are interested in you only want to "corrupt" [I love your choice of vocabulary btw] you due to your young innocent teenage appearance.

I'm sorry to say this but the majority of 40 year old men who are interested in teenagers ARE looking to corrupt them. Dressing sexily will just make you look more corruptable to this age group.

yes, there will be a small amount of men in this age group who have honorable intentions and feelings but good luck finding them. you'll definately need it.

I would suggest working on meet males through social cricle or something where you have mutual people in common, and he isn't just some random guy in a club/bar.

If I am approaching a girl in a bar/club or something, I do not always have "pure" intentions.Sometimes I would like to make her my gf, other times i'm not sure and have the mindset of dating but nothing serious, other times i am only looking for sex. Would i pretend i wanted a relationship if i wanted sex and this girl was only open to relationships. not in all cases, but in some cases i might.

would i pretend i wanted a relationship if i wanted sex and this girl was only open to relationships and the girl was in my social group or extended social group or someone who i actually knew and we had mutual people we know?
NEVER.
People who I know are given more respect, so I would not be deceitful like that. If I wanted sex and the girl was giving me the impression she wants a relationship I would not try and get sex from her. If I did deceive a girl like that i would incur the wrath of the social group and may even loose friends over it.
most men will not deceive a girl in their social groups either. So I would suggest you try and meet men who you ONLY are linked in some way to socially, as this will filter out much of the men who do not have pure intentions.

if you are doing so you need to stop approaching older men in bars or you are gonna get pumped and dumped.

also you've got to consider going for men more in your own age group or a bit younger as these guys are less likely to want to corrupt you. you might have start being open to 22 year olds if guys your age arn't interested all you can do is play the hand you are dealt. I look a lot younger than my age too. women my age generally arn't too interested and i end up dating girls significantly younger than me ..for the simple reason that girls my own age just arn't that receptive to dating me.
Original post by phunky_fresh
Doesn't sound like there's much you can do tbh. If you're trying to look older and it isn't working, stop trying so hard and the right guy will come. I'm told I look about 18 years old all the time, but I'm hitting 30. I'm called cute constantly and honestly I feel kinda blessed to look youthful, you'll be grateful when you're older. Timing is everything, try and focus your energies elsewhere. Before you know it you'll find someone. Also where are you meeting guys?


I appreciate your advice but I don't believe the 'right guy' will just come along. I'm heading to 30 and never been in a proper relationship and these things don't just fall into your lap. My best years have gone down the toilet.

As for the whole grateful when you are older... Well I'm older and not grateful. I'd rather look my age like everyone else and be in a normal relationship.

Well this year I've been meeting guys at mutual interest groups, but nothing has really come of it. Now it's the same stagnant circles I may have to branch out a bit. I don't club or drink and I rarely go to bars. I go the gym regularly and I see men looking but they never approach me so I guess they are just curious rather than attracted to me. Plus my dad goes to my gym with me sometimes haha.
Original post by donutellme
Thought women didn't want to be sexualised :erm:

Either way, wouldn't you prefer if a guy likes you for how you are than how you appear to be? Or are you fine with just looks?

Sexiness has alot to do with attitude as well, so sort of play coy and flirtatious and hard to get n stuff.


I'm not really asking be a sexual object, but a sexual subject :wink: if that makes any sense. Waiting for this guy who likes me as I am hasn't worked considering that I've always been single. The thing is though I feel I am not even really 'me' as I am quite repressed but that's a whole other thing. It's not just looks but my attitude I am trying to change moreover. To let go of childish and girlish ways and finally become the woman I am meant to be.
Original post by samina_ay
Nothing wrong with looking young. You just need to find yourself a Zac Efron :wink: or someone who looks young but is actually quite older.


That's actually a good idea can't believe I never thought of that... The problem is I won't know the man is older than he looks unless he tells me.

Original post by Isabella d'Anjou
In what way do you look innocent? Some heels and some red lipstick can maybe sort this out for you ? Also maybe a bra and top that will accentuate your breasts ? If you want to be sexualised you kind of have to sexualise yourself and that starts with how you look and act first and foremost :biggrin:


I have a 'young face' aka fat cheeks, wide eyes and pouty lips. I'm short and don't weigh much over 100lbs no matter how much I eat and lift weights. I'm definitely not skin and bone though I actually think I'm quite curvy but apparently a size 6/8 can't be classed as a curvy body. It's funny you mention the clothes I was going to attach a photo of me in the kind of get up I wear to look but I'm not using my usual laptop so I don't have access to my photos atm. But here is the exact dress from motel that I was wearing the other night (on the model here) https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/bc/e3/78/bce3781cae5c8876b642b998f797cd6f.jpg It's very fitted, short, nude coloured so it's quite provocative. I wore it with 5 inch black patent stilettos, had a black smoky eye, long hair down my back curled.... Still got called cute 'nice outfit! You look so cute!'.

I even had a male friend ask if I was a virgin (wtf) in front of everyone because apparently I look like one! I think everyone found it funny that I was trying to look sexy they were so condescending. Anyway it didn't work and I ended up feeling ridiculous I think I'm sexually invisible most times.

I am quite shy to top it off so I think the way I act is the key. I can't do much about looking innocent right now.

Original post by karl pilkington
maybe you are just ugly do you have breasts and hips? also you spelt lie wrong


I don't think I'm ugly. I don't think I'm beautiful either. Even if I was ugly lots of ugly girls (ugly in the mainstream's idea at least) have boyfriends, get married etc. I would gladly be ugly! Yes I'm a B cup with 24 waist and 35 inch hips... I'm petite but I'm not boyish or stick thin.

I said I was tired when I was writing so idgaf if my spelling is out.
Original post by ODES_PDES
Cute and innocent is sexy.
You just need to find the right person to appreciate you


No, no, no. I've waited long enough. They don't appreciate me. And that's probably because I'm not even true to myself I'm trying to be good and nice to please people and avoid conflict. But I've had enough and the bit*h within is brewing. From what I've seen being ruthless gets you much further anyway.

Original post by animeamanda1412
is that supposed to be sarcasm or...?


Referring to your previous comment I've actually considered that funnily enough. I just want to reincarnated into a 'normal' woman but then I think karma would reincarnate me into an even worse predicament haha.

Original post by MrsSheldonCooper
Some guys find innocent looking girls sexy. If she's innocent looking and classy but a slag in the bedroom then the guy's life is complete :tongue:


But how are they going to even give me the chance to be a slag in the bedroom? Don't think they get excited about me sexually to begin with. The funny thing is I know I will be awesome but they pass me by :colonhash:

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