Advise please.

My current boyfriend has been having issues forgetting about his past. Especially about girls who took advantage of his vulnerability and hurt him in return. The problem is, I have shown him how I am not like them, but I know it's a fear and it wont go in a day.

My question is what do I do? Because, it hurts me that he sees me like this when, all i've done is care about him and I wouldn't hurt him.

Reply 1

Nim_123

I think you need to just be there for him when he needs it , he's been through a difficult time but if you're there for him and help him when he needs it he will get over it soon enough. Although it hurts him you need to be strong for him and try to make sure he knows you're there for him.

Reply 2

Platopus

I think you need ADVICE

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Nimrahk123

I've been trying and he pushes me away and I don't know why because it's a reflex action.. as long as he knows that he's done something equally bad to me and I've gotten over it, and he can see that , then I will support him . I know it might be selfish from my side but, I'm the one who gets hurt.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Platopus

I think you need ADVICE

sorry for the grammatical error

Reply 5

username1726117

Original post by Anonymous

Firstly, good on you for giving him a chance. :smile:

I think the best thing to do would be for him to seek counselling so he can deal with this in a professional setting, that way it doesn't become a burden for you (though by all means, do support him).

What your boyfriend needs to understand is that he may have been hurt in the past, but that doesn't define his future nor should it have an effect on what you guys have together. Remind him that you have been faithful, supportive, loving etc and that you will not be like those girls before you; remind him you guys have a fresh start together and you can make it a fantastic relationship filled with happy memories!

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

I've been doing that all along and telling him this, and how if he is going to see me as someone I am not, I'll rather leave. because it is not fair and I haven't hurt him in any of those ways. That's why it's frustrating... i've given nothing but myself and I still get questioned about my intentions :frown:

Reply 7

username1726117

Original post by Anonymous

Then you need to sit him down and tell me pretty much straight how it makes YOU feel. You say you've spoken about this before, but I mean emphasis it. It may be worth pointing out that the only thing that could potentially drive you away is his actions (accusations, distrust etc); that might get him to open his eyes a bit. He has been a victim before, but why does that mean you should be made one now?

If you love him, definitely avoid voicing threats of leaving the relationship. It never really helps in the long-run and it will just serve to trigger his anxiety over this issue.

Reply 8

Nim_123

Original post by Anonymous

If you're getting heart by this you need to tell him and ask him to help you as well, I understand you love him but you need to be equal in the relationship.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Fair enough,and yeah but then it will be an issue that wont go away that easily. I don't want to sound like a I'm forcing him to fix it quickly. The good thing is, even when I know it is still an issue, he's dealt with it quietly so, I wont worry.. the main issue he has is opening up and doing more because of the fear of being exploited, abused and tormented emotionally and psychologically like the past.. so, it's a tricky one.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by Nimrahk123

If you're getting heart by this you need to tell him and ask him to help you as well, I understand you love him but you need to be equal in the relationship.