Should I Propose?

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years and 4 months, since we were both 15. Currently I'm at university in Cardiff and she has been on a gap year. The last three months she has been traveling around South East Asia and things have gotten a bit tense at times due to a lack of communication or time for one another and so forth, but for the overwhelming majority we have been more than okay. At the moment we both know what we want from life, we are both doing the same degree, Biomedical Science, and she will be starting at Oxford Brookes in September. As a couple I don't think we have any problems, but recently I've noticed a difference in the way she feels about me, she no longer shows the emotion she once did and is citing her lack of time whilst traveling for the decrease in communication. I understand her situation and try my best to deal with it myself. However, I know that I have found the one, as cliche as it may seem I have no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

I feel ready to make an extra commitment and we have both spoken about marriage and what not and future plans with one another and we both see ourselves together and hope that we are. Although she has said to me that marriage would be too much as we don't have the correct finances and so much can change over the next two years! But we've been through a year of university and traveling already, we both went to different schools for two years and live only twenty minutes away from one another. I don't know whether I should leave this whole fairy tale proposal idea until I graduate from university myself in 2018 and then if we are still together, which I see no reason why we won't be, and I am 99% sure she doesn't either. I just don't know whether she would say yes or maybe I need to relax and stop thinking that an engagement is what is needed maybe I should relax and just let us get through university and then go from there.

If anyone has any advice or has a similar situation then it would be great!

Reply 1

Zarek

21

I would bide your time on this. A recipe for secure marriage is age >= 25, together >= 5 years, lived together >= 2 years. Everything else risks a messy divorce down the line.

Reply 2

monica555

2

Why do you feel the need to rush? To me it sounds as if you freaked out a bit from losing her whilst she was travelling, which is why you want to propose as soon as possible.
You're both still young, people change and mature a lot in university.

Definitely wait until at least you have graduated. She may be the one as you said, and if she is then there will be no issues and you two will still be together.

Posted from TSR Mobile

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 3

Mona-S

4

You do what feels right. But personally I don't think you should.
She's going to a different university as well, maybe wait for a year or two.

Reply 4

Hopefully1

12

I would definitely advise you not to propose right now. There are a lot of changes taking place in both of your lives right now. You both need to be focused on your education and career first, imo. You are young and have many, many years ahead to focus on marriage. Honestly, she has been traveling and she's seen and experienced things that you were not a part of and you've been at uni (hopefully) making new friends and having new experiences (and stresses) that she has not been a part of. This is good actually, you are both building your lives as individuals. Her backing off, change in communication could be that she is wanting to spread her wings a bit. When she returns from her travels I would tell her how much you missed her, how much you love her and how you hope she still feels the same but do not put pressure on her by saying you want to get married or even engaged any time soon. If she's wanting to spread her wings that will potentially feel smothering to her and she'll back away further. See how you both feel after her first semester at uni - then have a serious talk around Christmas time about the direction you both want your relationship to take. Go slow for a while.... it seems like perhaps you are wanting an engagement to secure your position, which is understandable, but it could backfire. Good Luck.

Reply 5

Tootles

21

Original post by Zarek

I would bide your time on this. A recipe for secure marriage is age >= 25, together >= 5 years, lived together >= 2 years. Everything else risks a messy divorce down the line.

********.

You can't just declare these numbers to be the truth when they're completely unproven, unfounded, and (from what I can tell) pulled out of your head at random.

Reply 6

Tiger Rag

22

Original post by Zarek

I would bide your time on this. A recipe for secure marriage is age >= 25, together >= 5 years, lived together >= 2 years. Everything else risks a messy divorce down the line.

Age has nothing to with it. A friend has been with his wife since they were 16, got married 6 years later and they're both now in their late 60s. My parents were together for 2 and a half years before getting married and they've just celebrated their 29th wedding anniversary. They were fairly young (not quite that young) when they got together as well.

Reply 7

IAmNero

2

Original post by Anonymous

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years and 4 months, since we were both 15. Currently I'm at university in Cardiff and she has been on a gap year. The last three months she has been traveling around South East Asia and things have gotten a bit tense at times due to a lack of communication or time for one another and so forth, but for the overwhelming majority we have been more than okay. At the moment we both know what we want from life, we are both doing the same degree, Biomedical Science, and she will be starting at Oxford Brookes in September. As a couple I don't think we have any problems, but recently I've noticed a difference in the way she feels about me, she no longer shows the emotion she once did and is citing her lack of time whilst traveling for the decrease in communication. I understand her situation and try my best to deal with it myself. However, I know that I have found the one, as cliche as it may seem I have no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

I feel ready to make an extra commitment and we have both spoken about marriage and what not and future plans with one another and we both see ourselves together and hope that we are. Although she has said to me that marriage would be too much as we don't have the correct finances and so much can change over the next two years! But we've been through a year of university and traveling already, we both went to different schools for two years and live only twenty minutes away from one another. I don't know whether I should leave this whole fairy tale proposal idea until I graduate from university myself in 2018 and then if we are still together, which I see no reason why we won't be, and I am 99% sure she doesn't either. I just don't know whether she would say yes or maybe I need to relax and stop thinking that an engagement is what is needed maybe I should relax and just let us get through university and then go from there.

If anyone has any advice or has a similar situation then it would be great!

Whoa there tiger.

Look, marriage is a massive commitment, you have to be 1000000% sure that they are the right person for you to spend the rest of your life with. Besides, people change and want different things as life goes on.

I'm not saying you shouldn't, just be sure before you do it.

Reply 8

username1623349

13

It sounds to me as if you want to propose in the hope that she stops being distant with you. That's not the right reason to propose. Leave it until you're both in a place where marriage is feasible - but when you're both in your teens and about to start university is not the right time.

Reply 9

Zarek

21

[QUOTE=Tiger Rag;64836019,]Age has nothing to with it. A friend has been with his wife since they were 16, got married 6 years later and they're both now in their late 60s. My parents were together for 2 and a half years before getting married and they've just celebrated their 29th wedding anniversary. They were fairly young (not quite that young) when they got together as well.Of course there are always some exceptions, but this does not detract from the valid message that it is very risky to rush in to marriage and too young.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 10

Zarek

21

Original post by Tootles

********.

You can't just declare these numbers to be the truth when they're completely unproven, unfounded, and (from what I can tell) pulled out of your head at random.

Not in the least, this is a thoroughly researched position..

Reply 11

Tootles

21

Original post by Zarek

Not in the least, this is a thoroughly researched position..

Oh, awesome - you won't mind showing me your research then?

Reply 12

Zarek

21

[QUOTE=Tootles;64847047]Oh, awesome - you won't mind showing me your research then?

Friends and acquaintances already in messy divorce camp (Personal communication)