23 and never had a relationship

Yes, its another one of those threads. But its not normal, is it? Getting to the age of 23, being a reasonably ordinary, healthy, well rounded person, and yet never having even come close to having a girlfriend. I just don't know how to do it.

I think I know why; I was a very shy and introverted teenager and have only "come out of my shell" over the last few years. Sometimes I still feel like I'm too timid, and I rarely ever open myself up to people, even my close friends.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking, but I'm expecting responses like "just be patient, your time will come". Although I'm sure its kindly meant, that advice is useless to me, I need to take action and stop being so passive.

What should I do? Does anyone feel similarly?

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 1

M14B

18

Original post by Livingstone

Yes, its another one of those threads. But its not normal, is it? Getting to the age of 23, being a reasonably ordinary, healthy, well rounded person, and yet never having even come close to having a girlfriend. I just don't know how to do it.

I think I know why; I was a very shy and introverted teenager and have only "come out of my shell" over the last few years. Sometimes I still feel like I'm too timid, and I rarely ever open myself up to people, even my close friends.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking, but I'm expecting responses like "just be patient, your time will come". Although I'm sure its kindly meant, that advice is useless to me, I need to take action and stop being so passive.

What should I do? Does anyone feel similarly?

Have you tried a dating site?

Reply 2

BristolFresher15

16

Your time is gone. You'll die alone.

Spoiler

Reply 3

Unorganisedaf

10

Right, you do realise most of us can't really give useful advice?
Most just give sympathy and emotionally help out.
Practical advice? Well you answered your own question yourself. Be less passive and get ready to lose the single and go to mingle. Maybe ask ya mates to set you up or something? You are your own person, you're introverted nature is something that just is natural. You'll break out of the shell when you meet someone on the same wavelength. Anyway, ask ya mates, get on some blind dates or whatnot and get on with it. It's not shameful to be in that situation, it's just choosing to wait a little.

Reply 4

Livingstone

OP

12

Original post by BristolFresher15

Your time is gone. You'll die alone.

Spoiler

But I'm not sure I know what to do.

Reply 5

BristolFresher15

16

Original post by Livingstone

But I'm not sure I know what to do.

You have nothing to lose right? So you have to try whatever works. First thing to do is figure out what you're doing wrong right now.

You say you're shy. So I guess you don't approach girls at all. I'm not the type to do so either. I'd much rather develop something after a certain period of friendship than ask someone out upfront. So you need to figure out what you're comfortable with.

Reply 6

thefatone

6

Original post by Livingstone

Yes, its another one of those threads. But its not normal, is it? Getting to the age of 23, being a reasonably ordinary, healthy, well rounded person, and yet never having even come close to having a girlfriend. I just don't know how to do it.

I think I know why; I was a very shy and introverted teenager and have only "come out of my shell" over the last few years. Sometimes I still feel like I'm too timid, and I rarely ever open myself up to people, even my close friends.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking, but I'm expecting responses like "just be patient, your time will come". Although I'm sure its kindly meant, that advice is useless to me, I need to take action and stop being so passive.

What should I do? Does anyone feel similarly?

Just like me
So you just answered your own question......

only 7 more years till you're a wizard though

Reply 7

HFBS

11

Original post by Livingstone

But I'm not sure I know what to do.

Anything that gets you talking to real live human females. Go to church, go to the pub, go play a sport, pub quizzes, referee a female sports team, beekeepers association, take up knitting and join a knitting group, get an allotment, join a book club, ramblers' association.

Just some off the top of my head that don't involve getting drunk and trying to pull in a club.

And no, your life isn't over. I took a 27 year old's virginity a couple of years ago. :wink:

It will happen one day.

Reply 8

lulucoco98

8

It's not odd at all.....you could meet someone you connect with, in terms of types of interests, hobbies- and you'll feel confident to open up with them and start something new!!!

Reply 9

Arvin Bhambra

12

Just be patient. When the time is right it will happen

Reply 10

shuutupcharli

10

try dating sites, try getting your friends to set you up, literally i have found recently that the more kind and open you are the more friends you make. You don't have to be particularly outgoing but try and keep a conversation going and try and be funny or just smiley and confident WHILE talking even if your not the one to initiate the conversation! Good luck, it'll happen eventually i swear!!

Reply 11

Livingstone

OP

12

Original post by HFBS

And no, your life isn't over. I took a 27 year old's virginity a couple of years ago. :wink:

It will happen one day.

Well that's a relief.

Original post by Arvin Bhambra

Just be patient. When the time is right it will happen

You little tinker, you.

Original post by Unorganisedaf

Right, you do realise most of us can't really give useful advice?
Most just give sympathy and emotionally help out.
Practical advice? Well you answered your own question yourself. Be less passive and get ready to lose the single and go to mingle. Maybe ask ya mates to set you up or something? You are your own person, you're introverted nature is something that just is natural. You'll break out of the shell when you meet someone on the same wavelength. Anyway, ask ya mates, get on some blind dates or whatnot and get on with it. It's not shameful to be in that situation, it's just choosing to wait a little.

The thing is, I didn't choose to be single my whole life, its just the way it happened. But your advice is warmly appreciated.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 12

Unorganisedaf

10

Original post by Livingstone

Well that's a relief.

You little tinker, you.

The thing is, I didn't choose to be single my whole life, its just the way it happened. But your advice is warmly appreciated.

Bro, it's all about trying to get yourself out there. I don't know if you're in uni or not but maybe I dunno nightclub, speed dating. It's hard to give advice on this kind of stuff when all you can really say is be more proactive. I hope you find someone :smile:

Reply 13

UWS

21

Try to ask your friends to introduce you to their female friends.

If you don't have that many friends then make some. Do activities and take up new hobbies and you'll make new friends and meet girls in the process

I am just like you. Though I'm only a few months behind at the age of 22. There's no rush at the moment, start worrying when you're 30 years old and without a girlfriend at all.

But of course you need to start taking initiative; take more risks and you'll get someone in the end.

Start worrying when you're my age (mid twenties) and your only dating experience is loaning your best friend money so she can go out with her boyfriend

Reply 15

username1726117

14

Original post by Livingstone

Yes, its another one of those threads. But its not normal, is it? Getting to the age of 23, being a reasonably ordinary, healthy, well rounded person, and yet never having even come close to having a girlfriend. I just don't know how to do it.

I'm your age, I'd like to argue I possess the same characteristics, and I can't get a girlfriend to save my life.
That said, I have had two girlfriends; one was a lying narcissistic bitch and the other one was just loopy. Trust me when I say you don't want to rush into anything!!

I won't offer the standard advice. It may be worth looking at my own thread (see my profile) for ideas on how to get yourself out of this rut (the advice given to me may work for you). Other than that, wait for someone decent to come along! :smile:

Reply 16

Blondie987

17

I'm in such a similar position but I can guess why for me lol

99% of the time with these things it's just a lack of confidence, you need to go out and meet people, you're sure to find someone you click with and don't put so much pressure on yourself, these things happen at varying times for different people :smile:

good luck!

Reply 17

username927016

20

Original post by Livingstone

Yes, its another one of those threads. But its not normal, is it? Getting to the age of 23, being a reasonably ordinary, healthy, well rounded person, and yet never having even come close to having a girlfriend. I just don't know how to do it.

I think I know why; I was a very shy and introverted teenager and have only "come out of my shell" over the last few years. Sometimes I still feel like I'm too timid, and I rarely ever open myself up to people, even my close friends.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking, but I'm expecting responses like "just be patient, your time will come". Although I'm sure its kindly meant, that advice is useless to me, I need to take action and stop being so passive.

What should I do? Does anyone feel similarly?

Try not to focus too much on it man, (I know that's a bit ironic coming from me though) :redface:

but seriously don't try & force it. I was pretty shy myself even up to Uni but have now started to get more confident & met quite a few girls & although none of them are my girlfriend (at least not yet), they're not strangers to me anymore. What I'm saying is this, just take it a step at a time, obviously you have to make positive steps in your life though. What I did after Uni was to start volunteering, & in turn I got invited to some parties/social gatherings through that, plus meetup/action groups that interested me on other websites & social networking sites, this also helped me to meet more girls.

Also ask yourself why you're don't feel confident, for me it was my appearance (started going to the gym) & worrying about embarrassing myself in front of people, I thought sod it & just pushed myself out of my shell & went to these social gatherings even if I felt hella awkward at first, I slowly got more comfortable & confident after each experience. You have to really push yourself through all your insecurities though man, think positive thoughts & just do it! You have to put yourself in the positions without trying too hard, the first step is always the hardest but if you believe in yourself you can do it, just try to get into situation where you're meeting girls & having friendly conversations where you get to know them a bit better & vice versa to start of with, & really seem interested in what they have to say.

Then over a bit of time hopefully you would have built up a bit of a connection, next you have to be brave & signal your romantic intentions (by asking them out on a date or otherwise I believe), I think that's the gist of it basically, tbh I'm not sure if I'm the best at giving relationship advice anyway but I hope I helped nonetheless. Keep your chin up man, hopefully you will get there soon!!! :smile:

Reply 18

Mustard-man

18

I used to be very introverted (still am), shy and reserved. Unfortunately in this society the old cliche of confidence is attractive in a man still resides, and it is the social norm to expect guys to approach girls. You've answered your own question. You need to change yourself to take more action. If you can't bring yourself to approach girls then a more "natural" way is just to go to a meetup group (i.e. meetup.com) where you share some sort of common interest with a group of people and then get talking from there.

Don't even think about if it's not normal, because if you do you're just putting more weighting on it and that puts added pressure and perhaps stifles what you're doing.

And no, don't just wait, because you don't know how long it will take until that "by-chance moment" will arrive, if it ever does. You have control of your own life, if you choose to.