"Relationship advice" Watch
Basically I don’t know if I am looking for some advice, someone to talk to or just need to get something off my chest.
I am 29 years old and am a gay man. I am not stereotypically gay and still sometimes feel ashamed of it (bad I know)….
I started seeing this guy for about a year who had a girlfriend of 12 years and 2 kids (he said they split) he had never had a gay experience but said he was “bi”. I literally fell head over heels for him, we both quickly fell in love with each other but it wasn’t all plain sailing. He was still living with this girlfriend but he was sleeping on the sofa and was only there for the kids sake. At one point he left and stayed with his parents but after 3 weeks or so I had a text saying he was sorry but couldn’t be without the kids everyday and went back (again sleeping on the sofa).
We carried on this little “relationship” or whatever it was but it was difficult. I couldn’t speak to him when he was there (only when he was at work), his days off would be spent with me (he had to tell her he was at work, even though they weren’t together).
Now a little about him. He was hot as hell, but only worked part time and had no money at all. I used to pay for everything, and I mean everything. I felt sorry for him too as he didn’t have many clothes so bought him new clothes too (he did appreciate it very much). His ex was a bit mental, she knew about me and still kept texting him saying “you’re mine, we should be together e.t.c”
Anyway he moved out again, but just after that he said he missed the kids too much and went back.
Since then I have ceased all contact with him and he even sent me a nasty email saying he didn’t want to see or speak to me again. If I see him he said to walk past and not even talk to him….
But I still keep thinking about him, he is in my thoughts all the time. Why? He wasn’t really right me for me was he?
Any advice or words of wisdom?
I am guessing when he was 'sleeping on the couch' he was just telling you what you wanted to hear and was probably telling her what she wanted to hear too. Truthfully if he went back to his 12 year relationship you most likely were not the first or last person he used to cheat on her with. He sounds like a master at what he does. A lot of times when a relationship starts off fast and furious/passionate it is built on lust. A cheater likes that whirlwind of excitement but when daily life takes over they get bored and move one.
I think the reason you can't stop thinking about him is because you don't operate like he does and the relationship meant something to you. You remember the 'good times' and are wistfully hoping they could return. Normal stuff. Frankly, you are waaaay better off without him as he doesn't seem like he the kind of person who will be a good partner for anyone - as he has shown. You deserve to be with someone who takes your relationship seriously and treats you with respect and appreciation. Be glad to leave him behind and move forward with your head held high. Good Luck.