Young Muslim Female needing some guidance in life...

Oh uhm thanks for thinking I'm nice but they're not ill-minded comments .
Islam is such a loving religion, I mean how can a religion preach hate when it says to not even hurt a fly (legit is says that). Same, I want people to be happy because this life would be pretty miserable without happiness. Most of the time, Islam can seem so complicated because most Muslims follow different things and preach that while others don't have enough education in religion so they become lost, if you know what I mean.

Also, I've done so many sins in my short life but you can always ask for forgiveness. And, that I think is alright and not ill-minded tbh. PLUS ISLAM DOESN'T ALLOW OPPRESSION that is such a big thing for everyone but Islam doesn't condemn this. Women and men are equal and as there is a guide of modesty for women, there is one for men as well. This is something that culture twists Islam in general. However many Muslims now are just showing Islam in a bad light.

iv already got a first row seat in hell, there aint no repenting for me

What a lovely person you are.

So someone who is in a same-sex relationship or drinks alcohol or has pre-marital sex deserves to be sent to hell? Hmm, because that's the type of person I want to worship.

Me too...

im not religious so dont believe in heaven or hell however if there was, my comment would stand
FYI, i drink alcohol, have lots of pre-marital sex and iv been in same sex relationships



c u there!

Oh uhm thanks for thinking I'm nice but they're not ill-minded comments .
Islam is such a loving religion, I mean how can a religion preach hate when it says to not even hurt a fly (legit is says that).

Okay so I don't really know where to begin, there's times where I've really thought about things and It's happened again recently and it's made me feel down so I thought I'd ask for help since I need some answers, some guidance. Everything I've just written here I just did it all in one go trying to express everything I can clearly what's on my mind, sorry if it doesn't all make sense and for it being a long essay.. So, I've been having lots of thought about life and religion. I just feel a bit lost and confused and I don't really know how to live life. I'm not having a lot of doubts but more just questioning about life and religion. I just need to tell someone about all my thoughts and everything and hopefully get some advice too because really I don't know how to live how I should live my life…I do believe in Islam but then again maybe I don't truly believe everything, because which Muslim follows every single rule in the Quran?My religion is Islam and I'm a Muslim teenage girl. I was born into a Muslim family, all my family is Muslim, as well as my relatives and cousins etc. I was brought up with being a Muslim and following Islam. But im not really that religious or strict. My family in general isn't really either. Ever since I was young, it was the norm to go mosque after school and My brothers and sisters went but I started late until I was like 8 years old I think. But then I stopped going after like 2 years I didn't really like it much. Then after I had a teacher come to my house and read at home. Didn't like the teacher and after a while I started going to this girls house to read, she was only 2 years older than me but she'd help me read and I wasn't even on Quran that time, I still had to learn the books before that. And eventually I was on Quran and I had finished it once. But I just did all of that cause I had to, you know being brought up as Muslim you just have to do these things but I never understood things properly. Okay that was just a bit of background not that relevant,, but more to the point, I'm just struggling to be a good Muslim, it's so hard to be a good Muslim. Like I want to be the perfect Muslim, but obviously there is no such thing as being perfect. But a really good Muslim, but I don't know if I can ever do that. Hate to say it but I don't even practice at all, read the Quran or pray. I've never actually properly prayed ever in my life. Never 5 times a day. I've lied countless of times saying that I've prayed, for example when I went to mosque and I had to record when I've prayed and then get my parents to sign it but it was all fake. There are so many times I touched and read the Quran without having done wudu or I have but then it breaks… And it's because it was just so tired or lazy. And I hate myself for things looking back it. Like my childhood, I didn't really enjoy I, it wasn't that good. But that was the past, so no point dwelling on the past. But In today's age and society, living in the UK, in a western society it really is hard to be such a good Muslim. Well really it isn't hard if you just follow the rules and what the Quran says. But like, for me, I don't even pray at all, and I know I should I feel so bad but then again my family aren't actually that strict as in they don't force me to do whatever, both my parents do pray every single day and read Quran and even watch Islamic lectures, they do tell me to pray and often say it and I'm just like okay, I will or something. None of my siblings pray at all, probably just on Eid. I don't even fast properly, it's so hard to and I hate being hungry all the time. I find it really hard to keep going, and I'm underweight and I'm trying to eat more but at this time I can't. Like I have fasted many times before, but I haven't kept every single fast, like I intentionally don't fast sometimes but other times I do but I don't even pray, I just fast..and I know the obvious things that break fast but I just find it hard to not listen to music at all.. Does that really break the fast? And watching tv. And I know you shouldn't even really do those things especially during Ramadan, you should be praying and reading more..but I want to do enjoyable things too like play piano and listen to music.. It's just so hard.But just now in general every day life. We all do haram things and sin and we do it knowingly it as well. As in, I love listening to music and all things music, Ive taken piano lessons and I still learn to play the piano, and I want to become really good at playing piano. Like if I actually had to live without music, I'd find it hard and life would be boring. Can't I do things I like to, as well as trying to do good things. It's so hard to explain what I'm really thinking and you probably don't understand properly what I'm trying to get at because really I don't really understand either. Music is haram, forbidden yet many of us listen to it and engage in music activity. I know if I wanted to be a really good Muslim, you shouldn't be doing this but I just can't give it up like, all my life I've been brought up in the western society and now just music is a part of everyday life. I intentionally listen to music and spend time doing it, and I know it's actually in the book of Quran a waste of time but it's so hard to not do this, it's a part of me. And there's just so many other big and little things that I do that isn't really liked but it's just a part of my life. Like, I just can't explain it well it's really frustrating me right now. I'm such a bad Muslim, I intentionally don't pray,, but I know I shouldn't but All the things I should do is what I'm meant to do as a Muslim, it's more about following the duty rather than doing it because you want to and not because you have to. What I'm trying to say is I want to have the want to do these things to be a better Muslim not just do it for the sake of doing these things so I can be seen as better Muslim…. Don't know if that makes sense.The main thing is I want to be that perfect Muslim.. But I know I can't. Like I don't wear a hijab, or any religious clothing at all, only if I was go pray etc. I don’t know why but Ive always never worn a scarf and don’t intend to because I've never had, like That is just how I am now. My hair is always out but that's just the decision I made, like if someone told me to wear a scarf I wouldn't want to. But then when I think about people wearing a scarf, it's good to but then What's the point of wearing a scarf if we do bad things anyway?But like I don't know I just don't wear a scarf and haven't thought about wearing one and I guess that is my personal choice, but can I still be a good Muslim not wearing a scarf in public? Theres just so many problems, how can I be truly happy when I know I'm not being the perfect Muslim. The problem is that I want to please others, but really I should just do what pleases God, but everything that I do most of the stuff I just don't. I jus don't even know what Im saying, nothing is coming clear, I just feel really frustrated and I feel down. Questioning and thinking about my faith really gets me down I don't want to be like this. Life is just so hard I'm struggling, what is the purpose of life? That is to get into heaven right? And to get into heaven ones good deeds must overweigh the bad deeds right? So Shall I just try to do as many good things as I can, and even I do bad things, knowing ad unknowingly, as long as I try my best to do good and have good intentions that's what counts right? I just don't know what I'm living for anymore, What to do. I just want to be at a good path.. But what I do in life, does it matter what I do as long as I'm happy? Surely God would want us to be happy with whatever we do in life, as long as I am still trying to be a good Muslim, at the same time. Like we do bad things, but also good things to make up for it.. It's just such a struggle. Like lots of Muslim girls, pluck their eyebrows too, and it's haram but they still do it anyway. And it does look good when people do that, and I'm thinking should I do it too? Because what's the point, we do other bad things anyway like listening to music. Also, as long as we don't do any of he major sins, like drinking alcohol, and we try our best to avoid he minor sins, and do the best good things we can.. Is that okay? I know, God have us free will but At the same time he gave us the Quran. And we're meant to follow all the rules.. But it's like I'm choosing to follow some and others not.. And at some point in my life I've started becoming more aware of what I eat and I always check the ingredients, because there are so many haram ingredients in foods but sometimes there are times when we just eat things and we don't know for certain whether it's completely halal or not. I mean I try my best to make sure everything I eat is halal, and if it's it then it can't be my fault entirely, it's to like I'm intentionally choosing to eat it, it's impossible to know whether anything is truly halal or not.. So yeah.. Also why do I have so many desires and habits that are bad and go against what we shouldn't do. I hate it, it becomes a cycle I have so many bad habits. Even though I don't pray right now, I hope that one Day I start but I feel like I'll never be able to pray 5 times a day. I do pray to Allah in my head whenever I need help and I do remember Allah and think about just in general almost all the time. But, I'm just so lazy in life right now and ugh I'm not a good human being. I'm just so lost, I I really don't know what to do as a Muslim living in this corrupted world..but no it's not like I'm not considering changing faiths or just not being a Muslim anymore, even though I've thought about if I wasn't a Muslim. Life would be easier cos I can do whatever I want..but still that is such a sin and the people who've done it and became ex Muslim I don't understand why. But then again it's not my life. I've just been brought into the world as a Muslim, but I don't even know a lot about Islam, like all the times I've read learning Quran, we just read it without even knowing what it means? What's the point then? There are English translations, but it's hard to understand because the English used is a bit different. I've just been rambling on and on, nothing is clear to me and I feel so hopeless right now.There's so many more issues and concerns I can't think clear enough to put it in words. There's also so many things in life I don't understand and things that I never will…and just want to change and become better, but I don't know how to start and it's so hard.

I'm speechless.

I just re-read your post. Sorry, I didn't actually read it properly.

Looks like we're all going to hell. You never know, there may be some good banter?

If Muslims live decent, tolerant and respectable lives then fine. People who use religion as a force of good - and don't impose their beliefs on other people - do not bother me and I commend them on being respectable human beings. However, a poll released just a few months ago suggested more than 50% of Muslims believe gays and lesbians should be banned from teaching in schools, and a further 74% said homosexuality should be illegal. Moreover, a further 50% also suggested a woman must always obey the commands of her husband, and 10% said they have sympathy with Islamic fighters in Syria and Afghanistan.

The notion that Muslim doesn't oppress people is nonsense. In Saudi Arabia, women aren't even allowed to drive, as well as not being able to show their eyes or pursue their own careers. Moreover, not a single Muslim country supports gay rights, with the vast majority advocating imprisonment or the death penalty for those who have same-sex relationships.

There are some progressive Muslims, like the new Mayor of London - Sadiq Khan - whom I have a lot of respect for given his idealistic views on Islam. I want all Muslims to suppress their ultra-conservative social beliefs because it's driving the world back into the dark-ages.

im not religious so dont believe in heaven or hell however if there was, my comment would stand
FYI, i drink alcohol, have lots of pre-marital sex and iv been in same sex relationships

Ok this is going to be long but with paragraphs so dw lol.

Listen to nasheeds, trust me, listen to it daily. Try to pray once a day and then continue. I see this as a test from Allah and I think most people have been through it but you need to make a connection with Allah, it'll do you good. Do you have a lot of dreams about Heaven and Hell? I did and I kept on seeing myself go to Hell and I saw scary things and I told people and they said it was a sign. Think to yourself as to why you can't do things? If you can't give a solid answer then it might be Satan poisoning your mind. It may sound stupid but trust me on this one. Ramadan is coming up so this is the best time to do this.

Forget about people for a minute, and think about yourself and Allah. You're here as a slave of Allah. Do you want to go to Hell? I think not. Read the Quran in English and you'll realize how scary life can be. I mean, all the Quran is a book filled with stories that are going to help Muslims through life. And remember, this life is a test, the result is coming.

PS. This might be really all over the place

Do you also eat bacon?

My dad, who follow's an unknown sect of Islam, used to beat me if I didn't pray. This wasn't the case for every muslim, just poisoned ones like mine. Now, Im an theist.

Ok for the writing in red, was there specific proof? I treat homosexuals, bisexuals and transgender people as normal human beings. Yes, people don't agree with it but it's mainly because the culture says it's wrong however some people in Pakistan (mostly guys) are gay but they go to Dubai to pursue there relationships and Dubai is a religious country so...

For the writing in grey, Saudi Arabia is corrupt, period. As a Muslim, I will only go there for Hajj but in general Saudi Arabia isn't the ideal Muslim country (like what country is? They're preparing for Dajjal (the Anti-Christ) like wth.

For the comment in green, I agree. I don't want want the world to go back to how it was however it's unrealistic to think that it won't. Look at the world around us, it's so divided. HOWEVER saying this Muhammad (SAW) was the one who made Saudi Arabia civilized in the first place lmao. People used to bury their daughter's alive and abuse women. I mean why is Islam getting hate if Muhammad (SAW) was the one who made Saudi Arabia peaceful? This world is filled with Muslims who are preaching the wrong messages but it's the people who follow Islam the right way and are getting blamed for it.

HOWEVER saying this Muhammad (SAW) was the one who made Saudi Arabia civilized in the first place lmao. People used to bury their daughter's alive and abuse women. I mean why is Islam getting hate if Muhammad (SAW) was the one who made Saudi Arabia peaceful? This world is filled with Muslims who are preaching the wrong messages but it's the people who follow Islam the right way and are getting blamed for it.

yup!
love a crispy bacon sandwhich smothered in tomato sauce! maybe with beans in there too! nom!

You thick all the boxes. Satan is awaiting you.

LOL!
top bants in hell
i might even finally tan!
curse my snowflake white skin