Young Muslim Female needing some guidance in life...

"Paragraphs..."


LMAO

Okay so I don't really know where to begin, there's times where I've really thought about things and It's happened again recently and it's made me feel down so I thought I'd ask for help since I need some answers, some guidance. Everything I've just written here I just did it all in one go trying to express everything I can clearly what's on my mind, sorry if it doesn't all make sense and for it being a long essay.. So, I've been having lots of thought about life and religion. I just feel a bit lost and confused and I don't really know how to live life. I'm not having a lot of doubts but more just questioning about life and religion. I just need to tell someone about all my thoughts and everything and hopefully get some advice too because really I don't know how to live how I should live my life…I do believe in Islam but then again maybe I don't truly believe everything, because which Muslim follows every single rule in the Quran?My religion is Islam and I'm a Muslim teenage girl. I was born into a Muslim family, all my family is Muslim, as well as my relatives and cousins etc. I was brought up with being a Muslim and following Islam. But im not really that religious or strict. My family in general isn't really either. Ever since I was young, it was the norm to go mosque after school and My brothers and sisters went but I started late until I was like 8 years old I think. But then I stopped going after like 2 years I didn't really like it much. Then after I had a teacher come to my house and read at home. Didn't like the teacher and after a while I started going to this girls house to read, she was only 2 years older than me but she'd help me read and I wasn't even on Quran that time, I still had to learn the books before that. And eventually I was on Quran and I had finished it once. But I just did all of that cause I had to, you know being brought up as Muslim you just have to do these things but I never understood things properly. Okay that was just a bit of background not that relevant,, but more to the point, I'm just struggling to be a good Muslim, it's so hard to be a good Muslim. Like I want to be the perfect Muslim, but obviously there is no such thing as being perfect. But a really good Muslim, but I don't know if I can ever do that. Hate to say it but I don't even practice at all, read the Quran or pray. I've never actually properly prayed ever in my life. Never 5 times a day. I've lied countless of times saying that I've prayed, for example when I went to mosque and I had to record when I've prayed and then get my parents to sign it but it was all fake. There are so many times I touched and read the Quran without having done wudu or I have but then it breaks… And it's because it was just so tired or lazy. And I hate myself for things looking back it. Like my childhood, I didn't really enjoy I, it wasn't that good. But that was the past, so no point dwelling on the past. But In today's age and society, living in the UK, in a western society it really is hard to be such a good Muslim. Well really it isn't hard if you just follow the rules and what the Quran says. But like, for me, I don't even pray at all, and I know I should I feel so bad but then again my family aren't actually that strict as in they don't force me to do whatever, both my parents do pray every single day and read Quran and even watch Islamic lectures, they do tell me to pray and often say it and I'm just like okay, I will or something. None of my siblings pray at all, probably just on Eid. I don't even fast properly, it's so hard to and I hate being hungry all the time. I find it really hard to keep going, and I'm underweight and I'm trying to eat more but at this time I can't. Like I have fasted many times before, but I haven't kept every single fast, like I intentionally don't fast sometimes but other times I do but I don't even pray, I just fast..and I know the obvious things that break fast but I just find it hard to not listen to music at all.. Does that really break the fast? And watching tv. And I know you shouldn't even really do those things especially during Ramadan, you should be praying and reading more..but I want to do enjoyable things too like play piano and listen to music.. It's just so hard.But just now in general every day life. We all do haram things and sin and we do it knowingly it as well. As in, I love listening to music and all things music, Ive taken piano lessons and I still learn to play the piano, and I want to become really good at playing piano. Like if I actually had to live without music, I'd find it hard and life would be boring. Can't I do things I like to, as well as trying to do good things. It's so hard to explain what I'm really thinking and you probably don't understand properly what I'm trying to get at because really I don't really understand either. Music is haram, forbidden yet many of us listen to it and engage in music activity. I know if I wanted to be a really good Muslim, you shouldn't be doing this but I just can't give it up like, all my life I've been brought up in the western society and now just music is a part of everyday life. I intentionally listen to music and spend time doing it, and I know it's actually in the book of Quran a waste of time but it's so hard to not do this, it's a part of me. And there's just so many other big and little things that I do that isn't really liked but it's just a part of my life. Like, I just can't explain it well it's really frustrating me right now. I'm such a bad Muslim, I intentionally don't pray,, but I know I shouldn't but All the things I should do is what I'm meant to do as a Muslim, it's more about following the duty rather than doing it because you want to and not because you have to. What I'm trying to say is I want to have the want to do these things to be a better Muslim not just do it for the sake of doing these things so I can be seen as better Muslim…. Don't know if that makes sense.The main thing is I want to be that perfect Muslim.. But I know I can't. Like I don't wear a hijab, or any religious clothing at all, only if I was go pray etc. I don’t know why but Ive always never worn a scarf and don’t intend to because I've never had, like That is just how I am now. My hair is always out but that's just the decision I made, like if someone told me to wear a scarf I wouldn't want to. But then when I think about people wearing a scarf, it's good to but then What's the point of wearing a scarf if we do bad things anyway?But like I don't know I just don't wear a scarf and haven't thought about wearing one and I guess that is my personal choice, but can I still be a good Muslim not wearing a scarf in public? Theres just so many problems, how can I be truly happy when I know I'm not being the perfect Muslim. The problem is that I want to please others, but really I should just do what pleases God, but everything that I do most of the stuff I just don't. I jus don't even know what Im saying, nothing is coming clear, I just feel really frustrated and I feel down. Questioning and thinking about my faith really gets me down I don't want to be like this. Life is just so hard I'm struggling, what is the purpose of life? That is to get into heaven right? And to get into heaven ones good deeds must overweigh the bad deeds right? So Shall I just try to do as many good things as I can, and even I do bad things, knowing ad unknowingly, as long as I try my best to do good and have good intentions that's what counts right? I just don't know what I'm living for anymore, What to do. I just want to be at a good path.. But what I do in life, does it matter what I do as long as I'm happy? Surely God would want us to be happy with whatever we do in life, as long as I am still trying to be a good Muslim, at the same time. Like we do bad things, but also good things to make up for it.. It's just such a struggle. Like lots of Muslim girls, pluck their eyebrows too, and it's haram but they still do it anyway. And it does look good when people do that, and I'm thinking should I do it too? Because what's the point, we do other bad things anyway like listening to music. Also, as long as we don't do any of he major sins, like drinking alcohol, and we try our best to avoid he minor sins, and do the best good things we can.. Is that okay? I know, God have us free will but At the same time he gave us the Quran. And we're meant to follow all the rules.. But it's like I'm choosing to follow some and others not.. And at some point in my life I've started becoming more aware of what I eat and I always check the ingredients, because there are so many haram ingredients in foods but sometimes there are times when we just eat things and we don't know for certain whether it's completely halal or not. I mean I try my best to make sure everything I eat is halal, and if it's it then it can't be my fault entirely, it's to like I'm intentionally choosing to eat it, it's impossible to know whether anything is truly halal or not.. So yeah.. Also why do I have so many desires and habits that are bad and go against what we shouldn't do. I hate it, it becomes a cycle I have so many bad habits. Even though I don't pray right now, I hope that one Day I start but I feel like I'll never be able to pray 5 times a day. I do pray to Allah in my head whenever I need help and I do remember Allah and think about just in general almost all the time. But, I'm just so lazy in life right now and ugh I'm not a good human being. I'm just so lost, I I really don't know what to do as a Muslim living in this corrupted world..but no it's not like I'm not considering changing faiths or just not being a Muslim anymore, even though I've thought about if I wasn't a Muslim. Life would be easier cos I can do whatever I want..but still that is such a sin and the people who've done it and became ex Muslim I don't understand why. But then again it's not my life. I've just been brought into the world as a Muslim, but I don't even know a lot about Islam, like all the times I've read learning Quran, we just read it without even knowing what it means? What's the point then? There are English translations, but it's hard to understand because the English used is a bit different. I've just been rambling on and on, nothing is clear to me and I feel so hopeless right now.There's so many more issues and concerns I can't think clear enough to put it in words. There's also so many things in life I don't understand and things that I never will…and just want to change and become better, but I don't know how to start and it's so hard.

Lol, all these replies asking op to "liberate" herself from religion when she asked how to be a better muslim,
That's like telling the best way to avoid your kid dying from a choking hazard is to not have kids.

You, my good sir, have not heard of Pascal

There's no compulsion in religion but if they leave it, kill them?? (That's in a Hadith though)

Islam allows you to have slaves (which your allowed to have sex with). It allows you to marry children. It allows you to beat your wife if they constantly disobey Allah (but not vice versa).

Don't say "this was just back then" because people still do it today and justify it using Quran and Hadith. And why would it even be okay to do it back then???

Oh, all the whitewashing and brainwashing you have to do to stay a Muslim.

The context isn't important here, unlike in so many cases. When you mention violence, murder, pillage and vile destruction, it's pretty obvious. But, since I knew you would bring it up, I checked the context. It mostly has to do with Muslim relationships with atheists, other faiths and community organization in general. This is presented as real world advice for actual people. This is in the Quran. You can't deny it. You can't diminish its vileness and its utter madness, especially not with a few cherry-picked quotes. I have dozens of more examples of violence and prejudice in the Quran, while you have rare, cherry-picked examples which are too little and too sparse.

Moreover, this is just one example regarding violence against unbelievers and other groups. I didn't even get to military conquest and spreading of Islam by the sword, blatant and disgusting discrimination and mistreatment of women and dehumanization of non-Muslims.

Actually read your damn book you child and admit it - it's not ultimate morality, it's not holy, it's not enlightened - it's a primitive set of beliefs and acts of prejudiced, hateful, violent desert tribes. Set of beliefs and acts that have no place in the modern world.

Violence, bigotry, prejudice, sexism, murder and torture have no place in the world. So therefore, the Quran is worthy of nothing but contempt and utter mockery. It never was and will never be about love or peace - it's main message is violence.

Pascal's Wager is deeply flawed, that's the point.

Here are some quotes from the Bible. The Qu'ran is not the only holy book that contains some undue words. Please do not base the whole of Islam on a few quotes that 99% of Muslims do not follow, just like many Christians do not follow theirs.

This is a sign of weak imaan. You questioning, it's because you are straying away from your prayers sister.

Here are some quotes from the Bible. The Qu'ran is not the only holy book that contains some undue words.

Wait wait wait wait wait so you're saying that just because Christians haven't done anything in "the last decades" it makes it ok for them?

PLUS ISIS DOESN'T EVEN COUNT which I think is what you're most likely considering BECAUSE THERE IS NO PROOF THEY'RE MUSLIM. OH WHAT, THEY SAID THEY WERE MUSLIM SO THEY'RE MUSLIM?

Wrong, they're killing Muslims as well and anyone who doesn't agree with there unlawful ways.

See here: https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/tu-quoque.

Also see Josb's reply to you. .

No. Just that what Christians have done/continue to do has no bearing on how we judge the actions of Muslims, or anyone else. Their actions are their own, and are to be judged separately - atrocities on the part of group X don't mitigate/make worse atrocities on the part of group Y. Try going into a court of law charged with burglary and use 'but other people also burglarise!' as a defence, and see where it gets you. .

They're quite open about the fact that it is their belief that there is only one god and that Muhammad is his messenger, so yes, they are Muslims. The rest is detail .

As far as they're concerned, people who don't agree with them and their 'unlawful' (they would argue that there's nothing unlawful about what they do) ways are non-Muslims/apostates, and that therefore it is lawful to kill them.

That's quite immature, I wasn't even responding with criticism I was simply arguing my point. How was I criticising anyone???

But the thing is, you seem like the person who would only criticise islam .

If someone were to judge a muslim based on how theyre following their religion but judge a Christian a different way or less based on the same way they were following their religion, then it wouldn't really be fair would it?

Just cos someone says theyre muslim, doesn't make them muslim.

Youre too ignorant

I don't see how anyone would class them as muslims.

They are just using islam as a way to justify their horrible action and even then, they have grossly misinterpreted the verses in the quran. Though, I doubt they even read the quran.

They don't just kill non-muslims, cant you see?

They are killing EVERYONE no matter what their belief showing how they cannot be true muslims!

Okay so I don't really know where to begin, there's times where I've really thought about things and It's happened again recently and it's made me feel down so I thought I'd ask for help since I need some answers, some guidance. Everything I've just written here I just did it all in one go trying to express everything I can clearly what's on my mind, sorry if it doesn't all make sense and for it being a long essay.. So, I've been having lots of thought about life and religion. I just feel a bit lost and confused and I don't really know how to live life. I'm not having a lot of doubts but more just questioning about life and religion. I just need to tell someone about all my thoughts and everything and hopefully get some advice too because really I don't know how to live how I should live my life…I do believe in Islam but then again maybe I don't truly believe everything, because which Muslim follows every single rule in the Quran?My religion is Islam and I'm a Muslim teenage girl. I was born into a Muslim family, all my family is Muslim, as well as my relatives and cousins etc. I was brought up with being a Muslim and following Islam. But im not really that religious or strict. My family in general isn't really either. Ever since I was young, it was the norm to go mosque after school and My brothers and sisters went but I started late until I was like 8 years old I think. But then I stopped going after like 2 years I didn't really like it much. Then after I had a teacher come to my house and read at home. Didn't like the teacher and after a while I started going to this girls house to read, she was only 2 years older than me but she'd help me read and I wasn't even on Quran that time, I still had to learn the books before that. And eventually I was on Quran and I had finished it once. But I just did all of that cause I had to, you know being brought up as Muslim you just have to do these things but I never understood things properly. Okay that was just a bit of background not that relevant,, but more to the point, I'm just struggling to be a good Muslim, it's so hard to be a good Muslim. Like I want to be the perfect Muslim, but obviously there is no such thing as being perfect. But a really good Muslim, but I don't know if I can ever do that. Hate to say it but I don't even practice at all, read the Quran or pray. I've never actually properly prayed ever in my life. Never 5 times a day. I've lied countless of times saying that I've prayed, for example when I went to mosque and I had to record when I've prayed and then get my parents to sign it but it was all fake. There are so many times I touched and read the Quran without having done wudu or I have but then it breaks… And it's because it was just so tired or lazy. And I hate myself for things looking back it. Like my childhood, I didn't really enjoy I, it wasn't that good. But that was the past, so no point dwelling on the past. But In today's age and society, living in the UK, in a western society it really is hard to be such a good Muslim. Well really it isn't hard if you just follow the rules and what the Quran says. But like, for me, I don't even pray at all, and I know I should I feel so bad but then again my family aren't actually that strict as in they don't force me to do whatever, both my parents do pray every single day and read Quran and even watch Islamic lectures, they do tell me to pray and often say it and I'm just like okay, I will or something. None of my siblings pray at all, probably just on Eid. I don't even fast properly, it's so hard to and I hate being hungry all the time. I find it really hard to keep going, and I'm underweight and I'm trying to eat more but at this time I can't. Like I have fasted many times before, but I haven't kept every single fast, like I intentionally don't fast sometimes but other times I do but I don't even pray, I just fast..and I know the obvious things that break fast but I just find it hard to not listen to music at all.. Does that really break the fast? And watching tv. And I know you shouldn't even really do those things especially during Ramadan, you should be praying and reading more..but I want to do enjoyable things too like play piano and listen to music.. It's just so hard.But just now in general every day life. We all do haram things and sin and we do it knowingly it as well. As in, I love listening to music and all things music, Ive taken piano lessons and I still learn to play the piano, and I want to become really good at playing piano. Like if I actually had to live without music, I'd find it hard and life would be boring. Can't I do things I like to, as well as trying to do good things. It's so hard to explain what I'm really thinking and you probably don't understand properly what I'm trying to get at because really I don't really understand either. Music is haram, forbidden yet many of us listen to it and engage in music activity. I know if I wanted to be a really good Muslim, you shouldn't be doing this but I just can't give it up like, all my life I've been brought up in the western society and now just music is a part of everyday life. I intentionally listen to music and spend time doing it, and I know it's actually in the book of Quran a waste of time but it's so hard to not do this, it's a part of me. And there's just so many other big and little things that I do that isn't really liked but it's just a part of my life. Like, I just can't explain it well it's really frustrating me right now. I'm such a bad Muslim, I intentionally don't pray,, but I know I shouldn't but All the things I should do is what I'm meant to do as a Muslim, it's more about following the duty rather than doing it because you want to and not because you have to. What I'm trying to say is I want to have the want to do these things to be a better Muslim not just do it for the sake of doing these things so I can be seen as better Muslim…. Don't know if that makes sense.The main thing is I want to be that perfect Muslim.. But I know I can't. Like I don't wear a hijab, or any religious clothing at all, only if I was go pray etc. I don’t know why but Ive always never worn a scarf and don’t intend to because I've never had, like That is just how I am now. My hair is always out but that's just the decision I made, like if someone told me to wear a scarf I wouldn't want to. But then when I think about people wearing a scarf, it's good to but then What's the point of wearing a scarf if we do bad things anyway?But like I don't know I just don't wear a scarf and haven't thought about wearing one and I guess that is my personal choice, but can I still be a good Muslim not wearing a scarf in public? Theres just so many problems, how can I be truly happy when I know I'm not being the perfect Muslim. The problem is that I want to please others, but really I should just do what pleases God, but everything that I do most of the stuff I just don't. I jus don't even know what Im saying, nothing is coming clear, I just feel really frustrated and I feel down. Questioning and thinking about my faith really gets me down I don't want to be like this. Life is just so hard I'm struggling, what is the purpose of life? That is to get into heaven right? And to get into heaven ones good deeds must overweigh the bad deeds right? So Shall I just try to do as many good things as I can, and even I do bad things, knowing ad unknowingly, as long as I try my best to do good and have good intentions that's what counts right? I just don't know what I'm living for anymore, What to do. I just want to be at a good path.. But what I do in life, does it matter what I do as long as I'm happy? Surely God would want us to be happy with whatever we do in life, as long as I am still trying to be a good Muslim, at the same time. Like we do bad things, but also good things to make up for it.. It's just such a struggle. Like lots of Muslim girls, pluck their eyebrows too, and it's haram but they still do it anyway. And it does look good when people do that, and I'm thinking should I do it too? Because what's the point, we do other bad things anyway like listening to music. Also, as long as we don't do any of he major sins, like drinking alcohol, and we try our best to avoid he minor sins, and do the best good things we can.. Is that okay? I know, God have us free will but At the same time he gave us the Quran. And we're meant to follow all the rules.. But it's like I'm choosing to follow some and others not.. And at some point in my life I've started becoming more aware of what I eat and I always check the ingredients, because there are so many haram ingredients in foods but sometimes there are times when we just eat things and we don't know for certain whether it's completely halal or not. I mean I try my best to make sure everything I eat is halal, and if it's it then it can't be my fault entirely, it's to like I'm intentionally choosing to eat it, it's impossible to know whether anything is truly halal or not.. So yeah.. Also why do I have so many desires and habits that are bad and go against what we shouldn't do. I hate it, it becomes a cycle I have so many bad habits. Even though I don't pray right now, I hope that one Day I start but I feel like I'll never be able to pray 5 times a day. I do pray to Allah in my head whenever I need help and I do remember Allah and think about just in general almost all the time. But, I'm just so lazy in life right now and ugh I'm not a good human being. I'm just so lost, I I really don't know what to do as a Muslim living in this corrupted world..but no it's not like I'm not considering changing faiths or just not being a Muslim anymore, even though I've thought about if I wasn't a Muslim. Life would be easier cos I can do whatever I want..but still that is such a sin and the people who've done it and became ex Muslim I don't understand why. But then again it's not my life. I've just been brought into the world as a Muslim, but I don't even know a lot about Islam, like all the times I've read learning Quran, we just read it without even knowing what it means? What's the point then? There are English translations, but it's hard to understand because the English used is a bit different. I've just been rambling on and on, nothing is clear to me and I feel so hopeless right now.There's so many more issues and concerns I can't think clear enough to put it in words. There's also so many things in life I don't understand and things that I never will…and just want to change and become better, but I don't know how to start and it's so hard.