Had depression; facing issues now. AS/A2-Level

Hi there,

I also battle with severe depression and suffered through Year 12. I stuck with Year 13, had a mental breakdown and was physically ill during the Christmas period of 2014 and dropped out of college in February 2015. You've still got pretty decent predicted grades despite your troubles! I was averaging CCD in Computing, Maths and Chemistry respectively when I dropped out.

I'm now near the end of my second A2 year and I'm predicted AAB. I'm more so aiming for ABB, which is what I need for York, so I guess I'm in a good place.

Like you, I just didn't take anything in for the whole 2 years I was in college (before I dropped out). Depression can do that.

Now I don't know what your sixth form/college is like, but the first major step for me was letting the people around me know I was ill. I was blessed with some wonderfully supportive tutors (bar one, my Chem teacher, he was an arse). Once I told them about how I was (at the beginning of my first A2 year) I began receiving support. Sometimes it wasn't entirely obvious. Tutors being more proactive in asking if I needed help, knowing not to ask on me in lesson if I told them I was having a rough patch, stuff like that. Unfortunately for me, the medical side of things failed to help. I was left waiting for about 7 months for any kind of therapy and was constantly yo-yoing from medication to medication, which made me physically sick 90% of the time, hence why I left.

Coming back to college for a third year was scary, but it was the best decision I made. I'm not saying it's your course of action, though. You're in Year 12 and can still improve in your second year. In a way, my main motivator for this year is the fact that A-Levels will be over soon for me and I'll be at university, like I should have been 12 months ago. In Year 12 that seems like a life time away, I know.

I can't give a magic word to motivate you, but I can say a few things that might help make things easier. One is that you'd be surprised how many people struggle during A-Level. It's incredibly common and the people who find A-Levels easy are few and far between. I know on TSR it can sometimes seem otherwise, but don't let it fool you.

Another thing that can help is to not beat yourself up and to know your abilities and your limits. It's only recently that I've realised that doing my best does not mean working so hard that I make myself ill. Try and make the most of the hours you're in lessons and let your tutors know how you're feeling. If tutorial sessions are offered, try to attend some (that way you've at least done extra work for the day, just by attending) and don't be afraid to ask for help if you find that you just can't grasp something. Again, I've been lucky to have some lovely tutors, but I have faith that 99% of tutors will empathise with you and will be willing to help you. If you have a personal tutor/form tutor let them know and see if there are any counselors on site that maybe you could see. From what I've been told, things can be kept confidential and your parents/guardians are only informed if you're in any danger, but if you're just asking for advice then everything should be kept under lock and key.

Just know that you can do this and being ill does not define you. I spent many nights sobbing, thinking that I was genuinely stupid and that being ill was no excuse. Like I said before, you still have good predicted grades and you should be proud of them, they show that you're capable, even while struggling. Feel free to ask me any questions.

Hi there,

Thank you for your lengthy response, I really appreciate it - all your advices, tips, personal experiences. I guess I'll stop beating myself up and just do what I can.

I go to a grammar school because I did well in my GCSEs and so managed to get in. It's kind of crushing because they're all on to get As and A*s with the exception of a few, and there's no one to relate to. I've told a few people about the depression and I've let the senior leadership team know, so they've told the teachers that I've been having difficulties and so therefore be considerate, but it hasn't gotten beyond that in the sphere of awareness.

My condolences, anyway, and I hope you get better soon, and good luck with York - I'm sure you'll get in.

Current options are:
Maths A-Level (C1, C2, M1, S1, C3, C4) + Further Maths AS (Edexcel)
Chemistry Linear A-Level (OCR)
Literature in English Pre-U (basically a hyped equivalent to English Lit A-Level)
& GPR Pre-U
Lit & GPR form together to make a Pre-U diploma because they combine as major + minor.
I'm dropping Physics, so that makes no matter.

So, from October 'til March, I've had severe depression, which meant that in those 5 months, I would go into lessons and absorb absolutely nothing. And that's basically over half my Year 12 year gone. I think I'm okay with the exams/predictor exams; I can loophole my way through the system, sort of. My main issue is motivation. I can't find any to prepare for the upcoming exams. I don't know what to do. I'm not even procrastinating - I'm just staring at ceilings and watching the days blur together.
I didn't get into the UCL summer school probably because I had rubbish predictor grades - I managed to convince my head-of-year to write down A*ABB+A, but in reality they're A*CCC+A, at least from my previous report.
A* for English because essentially you can use as many words as you can about a theme and get a good enough mark.
I'm considering redoing Year 12, but I don't know if my school will let me. So, just gonna deal with what's closest upcoming.

Either way, I'm new to TSR, has this community got any advice or help it can offer?
How to find motivation?

Pull yourself together man ffs

like a pair of curtains

Thanks for your kind words. Just one more thing I wanted to say - I go to a top rated college and I was set to get A's and A*'s too and I know just how crushing it can be to be just as able as your peers, but have circumstances that mean that it doesn't show on paper all the time. It's hard accepting the possibility that you may not end up with those grades (at first, at least), but there are ways to fix it and never let being ill let you doubt your ability.

I hope you get more support soon. Feel free to message me for any other questions, or even just to chat.

Hey

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this - I've had depression for the last three years and it sucks I never used to go to lessons, and if I did it was much like you - not absorbing anything.

(I don't wanna pressure your decision or anything but I ended up retaking year 12 and it was the best decision ever! I went from getting BDEU to getting AAC in my AS levels and then getting predicted A*AB for my A2 levels)

With regard to motivation - I just took each day as it came. You can't work all the time and there will be days that you do just stare at the ceiling (I've been on antidepressants for 18 months now and I still have days like it) but print past papers and work through them with your notes - you're more than likely to be taking in more than you think!

Hope this was some use and things get better soon

Thank you very much
I wish I could say more, but I don't have anything. Best of luck for the future, right?

Yes, that was useful - thank you!
Do you think if I do okay in my exams that they'll still let me resit Year 12?
AAC is amazing though, well done! A*AB doesn't seem too far now
I hope things get better for you soon too

I'm sure they would, although you will have to check! Might be worth sending an email to your head of year or something? I didn't think that they would let me resit because of getting a B and a D (I know people who got DDE and weren't allowed to resit) BUT because of the extenuating circumstances I'd say you have a pretty good chance of being allowed! (but again, I wouldn't want to say for certain!)

aww haha thank you - in three weeks it'll all be over!

and as has been previously said (by sophiebookley), staying behind a year was a very difficult and scary decision to make because I obviously knew all my friends would be moving on, but at the same time one of the best things I could have done!