How to overcome fear of rejection?

I have recently turned 18 and I have started going clubbing. I am afraid of making a move on girls and I have had a few chances but froze when I tried to tell myself to make the move. I have only been 3 times but it is obvious that I have a fear of rejection.

I know that making the first ever move is the hardest and once I have been rejected a few times, my fear will disappear. However, I just can't seem to make the first ever move. Is there any advice or tips to help me. I have had relationships in the past but they just seem to of came about naturally so I have no experience on what to do when im making a move also.

Reply 1

Zarek

So everyone feels this and the bad news is It doesn't ease much after the first few times. Anyway start with a positive attitude and bear in mind that a faint heart never won a fair lady and if you don't give it a go you'll never get your oats. There are other environments than clubs too which might be more suited to your style.

Reply 2

Anon543

Original post by Zarek

Yeah, I have always been fine at house parties because you can talk and make jokes, but clubbing is completely different and I just can't seem to bring myself to dance over to a random girl just yet. The thing is that now everyone is old enough to go clubbing, no one has house parties. I'm also leaving college to do an apprenticeship in engineering which is very male heavy so I just don't know where I will be able to meet girls in different environment if that makes sense.

Reply 3

Proxenus

After you've been rejected 1000 times like me you just won't care

1 rejection = 1 less fear

Reply 4

Anon543

Original post by Proxenus

After you've been rejected 1000 times like me you just won't care

1 rejection = 1 less fear

Did you start off with a fear of rejection? Is it normal for someone my age haha

Reply 5

Proxenus

Original post by Anon543

Did you start off with a fear of rejection? Is it normal for someone my age haha

Ofc

Get rejected just say to yourself sh1t happens

Life is too small to be worrying about fear. Fear is imaginary. It's an obstacle.

It will take practice. Best youtube channel to look into this is 'simplepickups'

Reply 6

Zarek

Original post by Anon543

I found clubs very appearance, dress sense and dancing ability orientated. None of which were my strengths. I still think the right pub is a good bet, where you can make your repartee count too. And some pubs are feeders for the local club and you can have done some ground work in advance. Also try a hobby which brings you in contact with single women. Good luck.

Reply 7

UWS

I've been rejected more times than an illegal immigrant at Heathrow airport

I live with that and say that's life

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

You'd better learn how to get over it and fast! Dealing with the same fear at 25 sucks!!!!

Reply 9

Hevachan

By make the move, what are you trying to do? Kiss? Get her number? Dance?

Reply 10

Victoria Jolee

Original post by Anon543

Think about the happiness you could get if the girl accepted you

Reply 11

Anon543

Original post by Hevachan

By make the move, what are you trying to do? Kiss? Get her number? Dance?

any to be honest

Reply 12

Hevachan

Original post by Anon543

any to be honest

I think it'd be best to try and meet someone outside of clubs first to build up your confidence

Reply 13

Withengar

You might as well ask how to get rid of the fear of heights or of pain.

Some things are difficult to get rid of, they're just human nature and completely normal. You don't want to get rid of fears, but learn how to act confidently and calmly without letting fear control you completely. My advice is to be yourself, present yourself in a good light and try to realize that everyone has fears and doubts, including people you want to approach.

Reply 14

Anon543

Original post by Hevachan

I think it'd be best to try and meet someone outside of clubs first to build up your confidence

See I can easily speak to girls I have already met or is a mutual friend and I have had relationships in the past. However, the problem is that I just find it incredibly difficult to approach girls that I don't know or spoken to before.

Reply 15

Hevachan

Original post by Anon543

Well that's understandable haha sorry I don't have any advice because i hate being approached by strangers :')

Reply 16

Findlay6

Think about it logically.
Just because you like someone, doesn't mean they will like you back. They're not obliged to.

What's the worst that could happen? They say no, you move on.

Reply 17

Bizzyqueen

A smile always helps break the ice.

Please also don't make it obvious that 'oats' is your sole agenda. That kind of turns most girls off.

Reply 18

Laus2

Go up to her as you would a friend. Don't worry about all the stuff that might come after you initiate a conversation/buy her a drink/whatever. Just think about the saying hello bit.

If you're still struggling with this fear down the line, try counselling.

Reply 19

Lucarious30

Original post by Anon543

Me and my friend used to get each other drunk and dare each other to go and say the most random and stupid things to girls in a club, whatever we could think of e.g, 'If I do 10 push ups will you let me buy you a drink' 'honey, I've been looking all over for you!'

Things I definitely wouldn't be able to do sober, but because we were drunk and with friends, it was funny. At that moment i didn't care if I was going to get rejected because worst case scenario I'll never see them again, but I'll have a blast just saying stupid things to people.

Now obviously, some took it the wrong way and just walked away, but you just have to learn to laugh at it and move on with your life, you can't get every single person to like you and let's face it, when you go to a club do you even rememember anyone the next morning?

Just make a game to go out and talk to people, make sure you enjoy yourself and remember, there's literally nothing to lose.