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Meeting a girl for the first time but petrified of telling her that I am disabled....

Hi

So I've been talking to someone online for the past few days and we've arranged to meet in person next week. We get on well and the conversation has been great so far. However, I am petrified of meeting her and her finding out about my condition. I have a condition which means my joints are more flexible and loose compared to some. I myself am fine and I function like everyone else (I am not in a wheelchair or anything). It hasn't stopped me progressing well in life. The only thing is I walk with a noticeable limp due to a not so 100% recovery from knee surgery 4 years ago.

Long story short I have this crippling anxiety that she will see the limp and when I tell her of the condition she'll run a mile. This might seem silly to some people here but I have had a few issues before. Am I reading too much into this? I always seem to have this issue when it reaches this stage as well....

Anyway thanks for reading...

Reply 1

999tigger

Yop obviously know more about it than me, but I'd have thought of addressing the issue beforehand. Hard to know without bisually seeing how it affects you. the one advantage is at least you get an honest answer. Just try and be confident about it and dont shy away from it or you will be worried all along. Meeting within a few days is pretty quick work, so you havent invested that much time. Good luck. If its just a limp, then you are worrying over nothing imo.

Reply 2

Bulletzone

I'm sorry for you're current condition, but I would let her know of you're current situation so that she is prepared for it and it won't be a shock to her.

Reply 3

doodle_333

to be honest I wouldn't see why you need to tell her immediately, if she notices the limp saying you had knee surgery would cover it... but I guess it's up to you whether you want to potentially invest time in someone who might back off when they find out

personally I'd probably wait as someone will be less likely to be scared off once they've committed to you a little more and if it's not going to affect you a great deal (so your dates wont need adjusting or anything) then there doesn't seem to be any rush

honestly, I'm surprised people have been put off by something which has little effect on your day to day life, you need to meet some nicer people!

Reply 4

threeportdrift

Careers Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

..............

First of all, the way you have described it, there is no specific, and necessary link between the limp because of the knee op, and the joint issues. There may be medically, but there doesn't have to be in the discussion. You could just say - I limp because I had a difficult knee op a few years ago that didn't go perfectly - and leave it at that.

Second, this sounds like an early relationship, and there's no need for full disclosure of things that aren't relevant immediately - you probably won't well her all about your mad aunties and your dog's bad breath at this point either. Exchanging invisible medical histories isn't something that has to happen immediately.

Reply 5

Vicky628

I would let her know beforehand, but it likely won't change her opinion of you at all, and if it does, well, it's not worth talking to her

Reply 6

username1177050

You need to tell her that your disabled. It's unfair as she might not want to be in a relationship with someone that's disabled and although the that might not be fair she deserves to know. Harsh but that's life I guess some people don't want to be in relationships with people etc

Reply 7

student.feed

I would tell her, but if she does a runner, it means she isn't worth it :smile:

Reply 8

Withengar

Quite simply - if she's the person who would be horribly repulsed by that and who would, as you said, run away, then you no reason to be sad in the first place as that's not the kind of person with whom you would want to be. I assume that you, like most everyone else, want to get accepted for who you are, and if she's the right person for you, she'll accept it, and you will be happy for it, if she doesn't, it wouldn't work to start, so it's not worth your trouble.

Also, and this may just be me, if she notices and points it out, I'd joke about it and pass it off that way, something like "oh, I fight crime" or "ahh, old WW2 injury". Just be yourself, pass it off as a joke and all should be fine. Best of luck.

Reply 9

~scorpio~

No don't let her know beforehand, if I were you I would show your nice qualities first and if she likes you in person then this condition shouldn't put her off. Otherwise if you let her know without seeing her then there is a higher chance of her changing her mind about you since it is a lot easier when she hasn't met you and isn't emotionally invested in you. If this condition doesn't affect your activities of daily living then it should be a big deal unless she's shallow and you know she doesn't deserve you.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 10

Mimsycrafts

Having a disability isn't a bar to any decent person. I would just meet up, if she mentions the limp (which she may not do) then just say you've had a knee op. Give it a few dates and when your ready to tell her more than do.